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Silly Aveyond Shorts

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Eeeyyy it's me again. I don't just write fluff, I also write funny stuff and I wanted to share that too. This topic will be shorts inspired by any of the Aveyond games. The only thing most of them will have in common is being humorous. Aveyond characters just lend themselves so nicely to comedy, you know? 

I had a hard time deciding what fic to start this with, because I wanted to make sure you all know what kind of stuff to expect from this thread. But I think I will begin with a parody of Ahriman's Prophecy and Harry Potter (mostly AP though), entitled "Complete Silliness." It's fitting because that's what everything I post here will be. 

Here we go! Asterisks (****) mean time has past.  

__________________

Once upon a time in a fictional land, there lived a handsome Dark Lord named Tom Marvolo Riddle. He hated all things in life -- people, food, rain, sun, even cotton candy -- and yet he was obsessed with living.

Alicia Pendragon couldn't understand it at all. Of course, it wasn't her area of expertise. That was Talia and Devin's job. They were the awesome peasant-wizard/knight(s) on a quest to defeat him. And Frederick was the one with a lighting scar on his forehead, to prove he'd survived Tom Marvolo Riddle's cleaning curse. And Jack was the freaky nemesis of Frederick who thought all muggles belonged in Azkaban, but for some reason stayed with Talia and Devin and Frederick. Maybe because he was sort of a muggle. But she'd learned not to remind him of that.

As a matter of fact, if she's had it her way, all this would be Alicia's area of expertise. But her father would rather she go to a bancy fall and marry a prandsome hince, or something of that sort. Like the union by marriage of two kingdoms would help the world at all! . . . Well, maybe a little, but it would be much more useful to defeat the Dark Lord. And more exciting.

That was why she devised a cunning plan. She would make the Devin-knight like her! And then he would invite her on the quest with him, and of course an honorable princess couldn't refuse a favor from a knight. That was what she would tell her father, anyway...

***********

"'JUST A GIRL?' WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"

"Boys are better fighters!" The blue-haired knight stated.

"WHAT? Oh, I'll show you, YOU STUPID KNI--"

"GUYS!" Talia yelled louder than Alicia would have thought possible. "We're supposed to be defeating Tom, here!" There was momentary silence, interrupted only by Frederick's groans.

"My head!"

The Dark Lord looked equally pained. "Your head? What about my entire body! And my wedding! Ugh, just take the stupid princess! I can't stand to be in your pathetic presence!" And he apparated away...

Then back again. "AND DON'T CALL ME TOM! I AM--erm... uh..."

"Stupid?" Alicia supplied, very annoyed with all the going-ons. She hated being kidnapped, and her plans to woo Devin were tossed to the wind, because no way was she ever speaking to the jerk again.

"Yeah, Stupid!" And then he realized what he was agreeing to. "I mean no, you insolent noble! I am... AHRIMAN!" He apparated away again.

"... Ahriman? Is that suppose to be scary?" Jack started laughing. "Sounds- like 'Mary- Ann!'- Fool!"

Frederick groaned again and clutched his head. Alicia rolled her eyes. "Well, you rescued me! Congratulations, peasants! As payment for your services, I will now join your quest!"

"WHAT?" Devin protested.

"You heard her, Devin!" Talia gushed. "Ooh, finally there's another girl! I'm not the only brains anymore!"

This what met by general annoyanceexcept from Alicia, who smirked at the success of her plan.

"Ooh, finally! A rich muggle to steal from!" Jack grinned.

That put a damper in her mood.

*********************

This was it. The end of the war had finally come. That, or the end of the world. Whichever came first.

"Aww, not you again!" Ahriman drawled in a whining voice. "Can't you let me take over the world, achieve immortality, and kill muggles in peace?"

"Your time on this earth is over, Tom!" Talia proclaimed fiercely.

There was a momentary silence, over which only the sound of Frederick's groans could be heard. Talia nudged the dozing knight standing next to her. "Hmm? What? I 'gree with Talia!" He drifted off again. Alicia rolled her eyes.

"Die, Ahriman!"

"Ooh, you remembered my name!" The Demon Dark Lord gushed. "I should reward you! DEATH EATERS!"

Hooded figures immediately appeared beside him. "Yes, my lord?"

"Bring this girl my supply of lemon drops! You know, those ones that the Dumbledore forced on us. Remember him? That scary old druid of time?"

"Yes, lord."

They disapparated.

"What? I don't want your lemon drops!" Alicia protested, disgusted.

Lord Ahriman made an insulted noise. "Fine, you ungrateful swine! Don't take them!"

The death eaters apparated back in and handed Alicia the lemon drops.

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?" Ahriman screamed. "NO LEMON DROPS FOR THE UNGRATEFUL SWINE!"

The cloaked wizards dropped the candy like a hot potato and cowered. "Sorry, Lor--"

"DID I SAY YOU COULD SPEAK?" The deatheaters shrank back, shaking.

Devin rolled his eyes. "Why don't you just defy him?"

Ahriman gasped. "HOW DARE YOU-"

"COTTON CANDY!" Sang a voice that sounded suspiciously like Jack's.

Maybe because it was Jack's. He twirled into the room, glowing, holding bags of fluffy pink perfection. Frederick momentarily forgot to groan.

Talia sighed. "Jack, really we don't have ti--"

"GET THAT HORRID CONFECTION OUT OF MY SIGHT!" bellowed the Dark Lord, jumping into the arms of the nearest deatheater and cowering even as he shot a black glare in the candy's direction.

Jack's good mood melted like a popsicle abandoned in the desert on the hottest day of July. "But..." his lip trembled and tears started streaming from his eyes. "But I worked so hard to bring it here all just for you and I almost lost it once and three times I nearly diiiiiiied!" He was sobbing before he even finished the sentence. "Please take it!" He bawled, shoving it at Ahriman.

The demon hissed and recoiled. "No! NO! NOO! LEAVE ME ALONE YOU STUPID MUGGLE! NO! AGH!" He leaped from the deatheater's arms and pulled out his staff. "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Frederick dived in front of Jack, but too late. The curse had already connected.

The body hit the ground with a resounding thud. Everyone stared, deatheater, wizards, and muggles alike.

"YEAH!" Devin cheered, sweeping Talia into his arms and dancing. "FINALLY!"

"MY HEAD IS AT PEACE AT LAST!" Frederick rejoiced.

"HAHA! YOU ALL SO TOTALLY OWE ME!" Jack whooped, tossing the cotton candy into the air in jubilation.

Now you are thinking I made some typo, because Jack died, didn't he?

No, he most certainly did not. Ahriman had destroyed himself, rather than be in the presence of the hated cotton candy for another second.

Alicia could have kissed Jack, except that he'd so totally stolen her thunder.

Stupid thief.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she huffed, "let's get out of here already."

"What? No celebration for my remarkable achievement?" Jack whined.

"No celebration for my skull's relief?" Frederick added.

Devin looked distraught and squeaked, "No... cake?"

"We can eat these lemon drops!" The deatheaters suggested helpfully.

Alicia bit her lip, and fumed, and tried to look powerful and commanding, but nobody was yielding so she said, "FINE! I'll spread the good news to the world myself!"

And she spun on her heel to do just that, but that sneaky thief was suddenly in front of her.

And then they died. Of remorse.

Just kidding. Actually Alicia grabbed Jack fiercely, and slapped him, and kissed him on his slimy thieving lips.

"That's for stealing my thunder, fool!"

"Ah!" Jack objected, insulted. "Then this," he said, grabbing a lemon drop and forcing it into her mouth, "is for stealing my word, and for putting your dirty muggle lips on my dirty muggle lips!"

Alicia scrunched up her mouth because it was sour, and then, you will never guess what that horrible no good very bad little sneak did. It was so terrible that I don't even want to tell you. No, seriously, you will freak out and die. Of remorse.

Oh, sorry. That happened earlier.

What we talkin' about?

Oh, yeah. Well, the awful, terrible truth of the story is this.

Talia and Devin got married, and changed their last name to Weasley.

Oops, wrong part. That comes later, and it isn't even part of this story. What really happened next was Frederick accidentally swallowed a fly, and the deatheaters had to use Sectum Sempra to perform an emergancy surgery to get it out of his system.

But that's not the terrible part. Obviously, because Jack didn't do anything in it. So what did Jack do? Well. It's so terrible that I have to whisper it, so that Alicia will not hear. So come close. Ahem.

(He kissed her.)

THE GROSS AND TERRIFYING END, THEY LIVED HAPPILY GROSS EVER AFTER AND RODE INTO THE SUNSET OF AZKABAN ON A THESTRAL OF DEATH, WHILE DEMENTORS WERE CONFUSED BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T TAKE AWAY THE HAPPINESS OF TRUE LOVE'S GROSSOCITY!

__________________________________________

Hahahahaha oops, sorry, I guess that was a little fluffy. But it was mostly funny, right? Right?

 

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@Moonpeace: Thanks!! That's definitely the first time I've received that compliment XD Now that you mention it, I guess Jack and Alicia were my first crack ship, and I didn't even realize it, hahaha

 

@the internet: Here's a still hopefully funny but more cannon piece for you. There are some parts in the game that seem to suggest Lars carries the backpack. Other parts seem to indicate they all have a backpack and most fanfictions seem to go with this, but a few years ago I decided to poke fun at the first idea and so this story was born. 

If you've read my other thread or seen my art or anything else, you know this is not going to turn into a Lars romance, but I do actually like Lars as a character, so hopefully nobody feels like I'm bashing him either. 

And now presenting.......

 

The Backpack Incident

_______________________________________

"What?! You mean you want me, Lars Tenobor, apprentice sorcerer of Shadwood Academy, cousin of the Empress, to carry your backpack?"

"Yes. Yes, I do," Peta replied, thrusting the dirty brown sack at me.

Repulsed, I drew back. "Ew! No!"

"Lars, you're completely useless! I do all the fighting--No, don't interrupt!--All you do is tap things with your stupid staff, and it doesn't even kill spiders! CARRY THE BACKPACK!" The cave seemed to shudder, as if cowed by the former slave's wrath.

I was not so weak. "NO!"

"Fine, but do not expect me to protect you! Good bye!" She stalked off with the backpack and the candle, leaving me standing alone in the dark cave. She was such a moron. Did she not understand how blessed she was to have someone as intelligent and sophisticated as myself along? I rolled my eyes and would have turned to leave in the opposite direction, but my cousin, the Empress, likely would not have liked that very much, so instead I yelled, "PETA, WAIT! You know you can't just leave me here! The Empress herself--"

She whirled around and spoke through gritted teeth. "I--do--not--care! The Empress didn't know you would be so--so incompetent!" She practically crowed the last part, as if she'd thrown a very valid and hurtful insult in my face.

"I am not incompetent, you-"

"THEN CARRY THE BACKPACK!"

"NO!"

"Why? Are you afraid it will bite?" She waved it in my face.

"No!" I snapped defensively, glaring.

"Is it too heavy, then? You're just not strong enough?!"

"Excuse me? I am more than capable-"

"Poor, poor pathetic Lars!" she mocked.

"GIVE ME THAT!" I roared, snatching it out of her asinine grasp.

"GIVE IT BACK!" She shouted, trying to tug it out of my hands.

"SHOCK!" I yelled, whacking her with my staff. She flew off into the cave wall, slid to the ground, and scrambled to her feet. The candle landed unceremoniously beside her, going out and leaving us with only the smell of burnt wax.

"YOU--HOW DARE YOU!"

"Not so useless now, am I?" I shot back.

"YOU-YOU-YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE-"

"SHUT UP BEFORE I DO IT AGAIN!"

"SLIDE THRUST!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" I screamed as she hit my wrist with her practice sword, cutting it open. It felt like it was on fire. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" I ordered.

"NOT UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE!"

"NO!"

"FINE! It's not like I could heal it anyway..."

I gasped. "WHAT?"

"Well, you're the wizard, not me!"

"But I DO NOT KNOW ANY HEALING SPELLS!" I panicked.

"WELL, THAT IS TOO BAD, IS IT NOT? BESIDES, NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL-"

"WE ARE GOING BACK FOR THAT STUPID PRIESTESS LADY!" I informed her, already marching off.

"WAIT, YOU STUPID-"

"NO!"

******************************

The stupid priestess of whom I spoke was waiting by the gate, like she had been since I graciously agreed to accompany Peta on her ridiculous quest. Usually she asked us to "escort her to Aveyond," but this time she gathered her white robes in one hand and ran to us.

"What happened?" she askedimmediately, eyes wide.

Peta opened her mouth to respond. "He--"

"We were fighting... fighting mice--" here I threw a dirty glare at Peta--"and they... made us berserk! Yes, that must have been it, because when we tried to attack them, we ended up attacking each other! And unfortunately, we do not have any healing spells at this time. We would greatly appreciate-Excuse me, but this is not a laughing matter!"

The Priestess had started chuckling, and by the end of my sentence both she and that pathetic Peta were guffawing away what little wit they had left.

"S-Sorry!" the priestess gasped. "It's just-for a-noble-" she laughed for a long minute. "For a noble, you are not-a very-good-"

"Liar!" finished Peta, practically cackling.

My blood boiled. "I am not lying!"

The idiot Priestess finally managed to catch her breathe. "Oh, come now. It is all right; you are merely children, and children will fight-"

"I am not a child-" I protested.

"-Child or not," the Priestess continued obstinately, "these things happen. Now, I will make you a deal. I will heal your injuries, and you will escort me to Aveyond."

"Why do you need an escort, anyway?" I demanded. "Can't you escort yourself?"

She laughed. "Little old me, traveling through the wilderness alone? Imagine that!" She shook her head. "Come, show me your wounds, and then we can go."

I hesitated, but Peta bounded forward and parted her hair to display the bump where my staff had connected with her head. I rolled my eyes as the Priestess started tsking softly, and muttering. I couldn't tell whether she was casting her healing spells or talking to Peta, but when my eyes came back around the bump was gone. Sighing, I moved forward and thrust my wrist in front of me.

"Do not touch it!" I commanded.

"Of course not," she promised, instead grabbing my thumb and pinky. I huffed.

"I meant do not touch me at all-- AUGH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" My skin seemed to be jumping, and it itched to the point of being painful.

"Healing you!" she said. "Just stand still for a moment longer..." I couldn't help but peek at my arm. The cut was sewing itself back together at an almost alarming rate. "There, all finished," the Priestess announced, letting my arm drop back to my side. "Now, shall we depart?"

"We did not agree- Wait, where are you idiots going? No! WAIT!" I ran after their retreating backs, struggling to keep my balance as I threw Peta's stinky bag over my noble shoulder.

Someday they were going to realize that I was in charge.

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@Rodania: Thanks!!! And thank you for reminding me that I actually have stories here which could probably do with an update or two xD 

 

@everyone: Here, have another Lars piece! Shorter but definitely not sweeter, that wouldn't be very Lars-y, now would it? 

Priorities

"I don't care if it is a talking boar!" I informed my four unworthy companions. "We've been promised an entire purse of gold to kill it!"

Had my party consisted of any other idiots in the world they would have seen the wisdom in my words. Unfortunately, it didn't. There was with a pathetic sword singer, a demon-summoner who was apparently being controlled by demons (that was the only explanation), a smelly sun priest, and the only vampire ever to exist who was stupid enough to care at all for living creatures.

I turned to the boar. "Do you have any last wishes, boar?" Because he would die, of course. I was in charge, after all. "How did you learn to speak?"

"I'm a human! A man!" he squealed, unconvincingly. "My name is Levus! On my wedding day, an evil merchant named Tiberius threw a bag of cursed dust on me and turned me into a boar. I've been hiding from him ever since."

Rhen interrupted before I could tell the boar he was a terrible liar. "So Tiberius is behind this! I knew there was something crooked about that man! What can we do to help you?"

The boar turned to her gratefully, probably relieved there was at least one fool in our party. "Find a wizard that knows how to cure the boar curse. That is my only hope."

"It's a quest!" Rhen exulted, scribbling it in her stupid journal-planner thing.

"Was your... fiance," Elini said the word delicately, "also cursed?"

The boar managed to look confused. "No..."

"Oh," Elini said, a bit disappointedly. "That is most fortunate."

I rolled my eyes. Obviously she had some sort of serious taste problem, if she would flirt with even a boar, but never me.

"Come on, let's go!" Rhen called, already standing in the cave entrance. Everyone else followed her thoughtlessly, like sheep following a blind shepherd. I shook my head. Poor, pathetic fools.

"Rhen," I said firmly, "this is ridiculous."

Te'ijal chuckled. "You humans truly are amusing. It really isn't that important, Lars. Come."

I rolled my eyes, but was not stupid enough to ignore the vampress. She had fangs, after all.

You'll never believe this, but they actually went through with it. We actually turned the boar into a human, at our own cost, when we could have gotten an entire purse of gold for nothing but a swing of Rhen's stupid sword.

Yeah, and all we got in return for our "good deed" was a world map.

A WORLD MAP! We had already traveled nearly every continent known to civilization. We already had maps of every place we had been to. We could have bought a million more maps with a purse of gold. We could have bought another orb for my staff, or new robes!

I sighed. Someday, I was going to have to teach these imbeciles about priorities.

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@Moonpeace: Hehe, thank you!! And oh, good, I love cracky crossovers!!!!! Though if it is Lars-centric I might have to skip becaaauuuuuse it will make me cry, hahaha. 

 

 

I have another craaazy piece I might share but it is late for me and I don't have the concentration to explain all the weird things right now, sooo instead here is a short Frederick piece. And I have five people in the party because, I like them all, and I do what I want. (Sorry, no Haddan here, hehe)

 

A Most Noble and Majestic Pasttime

__________________________________

Frederick knew that Devin would be disgusted. Jack would laugh. Alicia would roll her eyes. Talia alone would be sympathetic. And so, he told no one.

But secretly, his favorite shape to take was the Nightmare.

It wasn't because the Nightmare looked intimidating. If that was it, he would have enjoyed the lion or the dragon just as much. It wasn't the crazy powerful attacks he was able to dole out, either. It wasn't even the horn on top of his head, which admittedly proved useful for hanging things on and for threatening obnoxious enemies. No, there was a much simpler, and much more embarrassing, reason for his preference.

You see, when he was a Nightmare, he could prance.

Until you have pranced as a horse, you can never know how truly joyful walking can be. His long, silky black mane bounced on his neck, shining in the sunlight. His hooves made a wonderful clop clop sound every step he took. In this form, he stood taller than Devin, and he felt majestic, and graceful, and powerful. Clop, clop! Such a joyful melody!

"Erm... Are you okay, Frederick?"

Frederick stopped clop clopping and stared at Devin. He cleared his throat nervously, which came out sounding like a low whinny. "I'm fine," he said nervously, desperately trying to sound convincing.

"You were... um... prancing."

"It was weird!" Jack added. Devin elbowed him. "Ouch! What? I was agreeing with you!"

Talia sighed. "Guys, leave him alone..."

"Yeah, I thought it was kinda cute," Alicia added, which made Frederick turn red under his black fur. He was not cute. He was a creature of dignity and grace. Alicia did not seem to notice his discomfort. "You should let us ride you, Frederick."

"What!" He snorted (which, being a horse, he couldn't keep from doing sometimes). "I'm a lizard!"

"No," Jack snickered. "You're a unicorn, fool!"

"Nightmare! I'm a Nightmare!"

"You're prancing sure was!"

"Jack," Talia scolded tiredly.

But Devin was laughing in spite of himself. Talia glared at him and he coughed and instantly regained his composure. "Not funny, Jack. Leave Frederick alone."

"He may prance if he likes to," Talia added. "I thought it was very majestic."

Majestic.

"Talia may ride me, if she wants."

This time, it was Alicia who snorted.

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@moonpeace Ooooh it looks like I can actually tag people now instead of just pretending too!! That's exciting. Haha, but yes, Frederick can be a nightmare, and I remember because I always loved watching his little mane bounce around!! So adorable!! I have played through Ahriman's prophecy probably too many times, haha. I just really love it. 

@Parfait Cookies I can tag you too!! Yay!! And thank you, I will try. The things I've posted here so far are actually older, I had to catch up after being inactive so long, haha

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What have I even posted in this thread? I'm having a hard time keeping track, this is what I get for procrastinating. Don't follow my example, guys.

Anway, I figured it was time for another silly short, so here is a story about Rhen and co going to the carnival, and the chaos that inevitably ensued. As usual, complete and utter silliness. Have fun~

...

Goldfish

There was a carnival in Veldt and Rhen was going. Elini tried to talk sense into her, she tried to tell the sword singer that all the rides were overpriced and all the games were scams, but did Rhen listen? Of course not. No more than she heeded Lars' rolling eyes or Galahad's grumpy harrumph. Rhen never listened, and sooner or later her party would have to accept this.

They would also have to accept that they were going with her. Really, what did they think they were signing up for when they offered to accompany hero n this quest? She hadn't asked for any of them-- except Dameon, but that was different. They needed a healer. And besides, he didn't try to boss her around, or protest her ideas--

"FIVE HUNDRED GOLD FOR A LOUSY TEN TICKETS??" 

The dude at the gate of the carnival drew himself up to his full height, which was not very high, and said, "Yes, m'lady. That's the price."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME--"

Before Rhen could finish calmly explaining her outrage, Dameon had handed the man the gold and collected the tickets. "Thanks, have a nice day," he said, pushing Rhen through the gate in front of him.

"Why would you tell him that?" Rhen demanded as soon as she was through. "He doesn't deserve a nice day! I hope he suffers! I hope he chokes on his precious tickets! I hope the prices fall-- on top of him!! AND CRUSH HIM!!!!

But Dameon just said, "That's nice, Rhen," rather distractedly, and patted her head. She tried to growl at him but he was pointing towards a cotton candy stand and her stomach was growling instead.

Pirate John watched them walk off and thought to himself that now was his chance to escape. He could disappear into the crowd, and none of them would ever find him again. If he was lucky he could probably even take off with their dragon.

He wasn't lucky, because Elini was behind him.

"Hot day for a carnival, isn't it?" she said with one of her deceptively sweet smiles. "That snow cone stand over there looks particularly inviting just now."

And that is how, instead of robbing his companions, Pirate John found himself robbed by a noblewoman. He was robbed of the price of a snow cone, two snow cones, because she insisted he needed one too, and he was robbed of his time and his freedom, and most importantly, his dignity. And he didn't have that much to spare, you know.

But one thing which he did manage to retain was his kisses, at least for one more day.

Lars was not so lucky. Or, not so unlucky? Well, serendipitous or not, he found himself in the line for the kissing booth. The woman manning the kissing booth had bright pink hair and dark eyes, and he could have sworn she winked at him. He needed to explain to her how outlandishly improper it was to behave so coquettishly towards someone of his noble status, especially towards someone with his exceptional magical abilities.

The line was long, but at last it was his turn to confront her. He opened his mouth to release his tirade. And that presumptuous, impetuous woman kissed him! How rude! How thoughtless!

How unexpectedly pleasant. He kissed her back, and before he could quite collect himself, there was a line of females all expecting to be kissed; the pink-haired woman had pulled him into the booth beside her and set him up with his own little tip jar. 

Her name was Fadila, and she was almost as good at kissing as he was.

Te'ijal watched all this with her standard amused smile. And she turned to Mad Marge, who was standing beside her with her standard unamused scowl. 

"Would you like to torment Galahad with me?" the vampress asked.

Marge spat on the ground. "Of course not."

Te'ijal raised an eyebrow. "Would you like to watch Lars philander all day?"

Marge's scowl deepened, and Te'ijal laughed. "Perhaps you would like to watch Elini torment Pirate John?"

"No!" Mad Marge declared passionately, and then straightened and said tiredly, "How did you want to torment Galahad this time?"

Te'ijal snickered and whispered her plan in the barmaid's ear.

Galahad, of course, was completely unaware of this conspiracy against him. He had tried to find some damsel in distress to assist, but there were none. He couldn't even find any men in distress, excepting Pirate John. But in Galahad's humble opinion, the knave got no more than he deserved, and didn't count as distressed. Why, the noble woman Elini was only making him behave as any gentleman should, asking him to treat her chivalrously and to buy her gifts. Not at all like Te'ijal.

No, Te'ijal had an infuriating habit of chasing him through the door rather than letting him open it. She tended to scare him out of his jacket rather than asking to borrow it. She crushed flowers instead of admiring them, and rather than asking for gifts, she preferred to take, I don't know, his soul.

She was horrible. Appalling. Demonic-- 

"Galahad, duckling, look what I have got for you!"

"STAY AWAY FROM ME, CREATURE OF THE NIIii-- where did you get all those goldfish?"

Her arm were filled with glass bowls piled on top of one another, water splashing out of them, tiny little orange creatures swimming around inside, all looking out at him with their big googly fish eyes like he was their protector, their hero-- spawn of serpent, he was starting to tear up. He angrily wiped his face and growled, "You stole all these, didn't you, you foul creature! We must return them immediately!"

The vampress just laughed. "No, my tasy tidbit! I won them, 'fair and square,' as you mortal like to say, though why anyone should aim for quadrilaterality is beyond me. And now we may feast on them!" 

"WHAT?!

"Oh, calm down, crumpet, I promise we can cook them first--"

"WE ARE NOT EATING THESE INNOCENT CREATURES, SERPENT SPAWN!"

"How you flirt, lambchop! All right, then, you have charmed me out of the idea, but I promised Mad Marge she could have at least one of them--"

"The-- barmaid?!" Galahad spluttered.

"Yes, she helped me win them--"

Galahad tried to yell but instead he just gaped. He was too angry for expression. He was beyond speech, beyond sanity--

Mad Marge, also, was a little on the mad side, because she couldn't find any more games that were giving goldfish for prizes. They were all offering stuffed animals. As in, soft, fluffy, button-eyed, cuddly-looking imitation creatures. They were sickeningly adorable and she hated them. She was walking away from another such game when she heard that fluff-head sword singer's voice.

"Dameon, look at this!"

And she emerged from the crowd dragging a huge pile of those abominable stuffed toys behind her. Actually, on a second glance Marge saw that the pile was being carried by that wimpy sun priest, and both he and the sword singer had ridiculous grins on their stupid faces.

"Look at these prizes!" Rhen gushed, and Marge nearly vomited. "Look at that huge stuffed Ravwyrn!"

Dameon gaped up at it, amazed that human ingenuity could produce something so brilliant, so simultaneously awe-inspiring and darling. "Rhen, you have to win it!"

"I know!" she said, and pulled the necessary gold from his pockets (his hands being rather otherwise occupied).

The game was a ring toss, which made Rhen laugh because she was good at throwing things. This was going to be easy--

--Why did she keep missing?!" "Augh!" she grunted, gritting her teeth and tossing the third ring harder. It grazed the edge of the target and flew past it. The next on bounced off the target.

And her last, beautiful red ring... balanced on the edge of the target... and rolled away!

"What!" Rhen exclaimed. "This is impossible!"

The carnival worker gave his apologies with a cheap smirk, and Rhen opened her mouth to tell him exactly what she thought of his game, but Dameon was paying him to try again--

"Dameon, this game is rigged! What are you doing?"

He smiled and handed her the stuffed animals. "Trust me."

"This is madness!" she protested from behind a mountain of fluffiness. But Dameon just kissed her cheek and took the rings from the carnival worker.

"You know you can't throw, Dameon! Don't you remember the dart game?"

"Of course I do," he said, narrowing his eyes and frowning in concentration... and he tossed his first ring.

And it landed on the target! Rhen felt her mouth fall open and she couldn't close it again, because his next ring landed on the target! And his next! how was he doing it?!

The fourth ring wobbled slightly and seemed to change direction, and Rhen thought she saw a faint glimmer in the air, and then it went on the target, too!

And when the fifth and final ring, which he definitely threw much too hard, went on target, Rhen realized what was happening. And she knew she ought to scold Dameon, but instead she laughed because the carnival worker's mouth had fallen open, and his eyes were bugging out of his head and his face was pale. His hands shook as he handed Dameon the glorious, adorable, fluffy Ravwyrn, and Dameon turned back towards her with a goofy idiotic beautiful smile of victory. 

"You cheated!" she cackled as he took the pile of stuffed animals from her again. "You used your shields!"

He just laughed as she took his arm to lead him to the next game--

And they crashed into Te'ijal, who was carrying bowls and bowls of goldfish, which resulted in all of them getting soaked--

"Plah!" Rhen gasped, spitting goldfish water out of her mouth and trying to dry her eyes with a wet arm. "Te'ijal! What are you doing with all those goldfish?" 

"Tormenting Galahad," Mad Marge said dryly, appearing seemingly from nowhere.

"You'll never get away with this, serpent spawn!" Galahad yelled from the top of a rock climbing wall a few games away.

Te'ijal ignored him. "What are you humans doing with all those wet stuffed animals?"

"Tormenting me," Marge said in the same dry tone as before.

Te'ijal laughed. "I find it very amusing."

"Get away from me, woman!"

They all turned to see Pirate John waving his arms angrily at Elini, who seemed to be trying to hold his hand.

"What are they doing?" Rhen said.

"Ugh, was Mad Marge's answer, by which they all understood that she was now doubly tormented.

Dameon frowned and turned to Rhen. "How come you never try to hold my hand?"

"What!" she exclaimed. "I do!"

He blushed. "Oh."

"What are you all doing?"

They all jumped, which resulted in more water being spilled and a few dropped stuffed animals, and they turned to see Lars.

Mad Marge sighed loudly and stomped away. Lars stared after her in confusion.

"What is she doing?"

Te'ijal laughed. "Now, human, you are asking the real questions."

But the real answers were not to be disclosed, because Galahad challenged some poor fool to a duel, and Rhen had to go break it up. Then they all discovered they were rather hungry and entered an eating contest, which Rhen won, of course. And Galahad entered a jousting contest which, somehow, Pirate John won, and then the pirate forfeited because it turned out the prize was a kiss from a Veldt woman. Elini took this to be an expression of devotion to her, which made Te'ijal chuckle and Lars rolls his eyes. And then they all rode the ferris wheel and Dameon fell asleep on Rhen's shoulder, so she had to carry him and all the stuffed animals back to the inn. But she had no regrets.

Except those goldfish; they were a mistake and she wished she could convince Te'ijal to give them away or something.

Good thing they had a well in Sedona.

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On 8/4/2017 at 3:54 PM, Mu11berry said:

No, Te'ijal had an infuriating habit of chasing him through the door rather than letting him open it. She tended to scare him out of his jacket rather than asking to borrow it. She crushed flowers instead of admiring them, and rather than asking for gifts, she preferred to take, I don't know, his soul.

FAVE LINES, this kinda made me ship them a little :D

Oh my gosh, I love this so much! I love these ensemble type fics where you get to see them all interacting and having fun. And the part with the ring toss reminded me of Despicable Me XD Why doesn't this have more comments?? I demand every Aveyond fan read this at once!

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@moonpeace Awww thanks, I feel very flattered right now :D I love Despicable Me so that makes sense, actually, I was probably influenced without realizing it. And Queen, Rodania, and Cookies read it on fanfiction.net, and that's pretty much the entire active fanbase that reads stories sooo XD XD

I'm glad you liked it!!! I wrote it as a silly thing while doing a more serious one shot (I don't know why I even bother with those -___-) so it was a great way for me to unwind, haha

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I had to thanks react cuz that was just such a nice compliment, am crying a little T.T Thanks a lot!!! Though, I didn't think I'd posted any serious stuff on here??? So now I am a little concerned about what I put up without realizing it, ahaha. Hopefully nothing to crazy.

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You deserve the complement ^^ Nooo, I meant your R/D stuff which is more serious I guess. I still need to finish those and review that. 

And I found your profile on fanfiction.net! I don't normally go on there (although I used to read fics on there a lot) because I prefer AO3, but I realize that since a lot of people don't prefer it due to the large percentage of explicit and slash fics, it's probably not the best place to read Aveyond fic. Maybe it's time to revive the old account FF or make a new one :P

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*blush* Thank you!

Oooh, yes, those are more serious than these for sure, haha! I guess I was confused because I haven't posted any of the more serious RxD ones yet, they both get a little dramatic in some of the later stuff so I was counting the beginning pieces as sillier. But you're right, they're definitely more serious than this stuff. I'm glad you're enjoying them so far! 

I keep meaning to change the name on my fanfic account to make it easier to find for Aveyond fans, buuuuut I keep forgetting. Or procrastinating >.> I've heard of lots of people who prefer AO3, but the site is confusing for me because I am mentally an old lady. And I am also mentally a child, so yeah. That's why I'm not over there XD The ff aveyond community is pretty active though! Meaning me and Queen and Rodania and Honey XD Sometimes there are also random fics or reviews by other people, though! You should totally revive your account!!

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Ooh, you have more? I look forward to reading them.

Don't worry, AO3 also confused the heck out of me at first. The tagging system takes awhile to learn to navigate, but it makes it so much easier to search for fics with a specific character, pairing, or idea, which is a feature unfortunately absent from fanfiction.net. But the character of the fics is definitely different on AO3, and I totally get that it's not for everyone. I will maybe revive my FF account...not now, because I actually got inspired to write! (For a different fandom, sorry >.>) But soon :P 

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