So here I am....after some time...back to AM. And this also happens to be my first blog entry. Hehe. Anyway....I'm not exactly in the best shape right now. You see, I just lost my favorite aunt in a car accident. I'm devastated. So devastated that for a few days I couldn't come to AM.

I'm full of questions. Why? Why did this happen? I know. There is no why. Its all God's will. but its still very tough to understand God's mysterious ways sometimes. So...I've had my share of tears and everything. Though for a week I had to stay strong for my cousins and my uncle.( My late aunt's family). And for my grandpa(my aunt's father) and my mum(aunt's sister).

We were all very shaken after hearing the news. Just because of some stupid truck driver. *Sigh* Why, God, WHY????

Anyway, after the....funeral....and all the relatives left its hitting me harder than ever. It was kinda okay when all my cousins were here but now that they're gone the loss is hitting me more than I thought I would.

Anyway, so here I am....back in AM. After losing my fave aunt. I haven't forgotten all my friends here and I hope my friends haven't forgotten me.

I guess that's it for now.

Dont you ever feel you just want someone
to take you way from all the problems in
you life?

Well i feel like that everyday i just
dont see why i was born... what was the
point no one cares about me anyway.... i only have
my mother and were comeing apart as it is.

And the rest of my family what can they do be sides
worry about the little things when im sitting on my bed
everyday crying. i have see enough of everything and
i juat so fed up with it all. i even thought about
what it would be like to leave earth for good.
dad wont care he never cared no matter how much i
cry, cut or blame myslef no mattter how much i
want him to love me,. i just want so much to run away
all this time i have been in the middle of life
and death with my slef.
i dont even know who i am anymore.
my heart is broken or whats lefted of it anyway
i sick of everyone and everything.
i sick of him and her acting like nothing is wrong
and im sick of comeing home and crying my eyes out until
i cant talk or breath, i sick i looking at my father
and trying to make him happy after everything hes done
to me why cant i just forget. im done with everyone
and everything. the littlest things i would trow a fit
at. i don't want to be here anymore who would care answer
that i want reasons, i know not everyone going to read this
and if you do read this tell me why u care or dont
care. if im gone mom wont notice, dad will smile and laugh,
brother will sell whats lefetd of my things, the only
person who loves me is god and right now i need that love
or i might take my own...

Ok every had those days when u feel like you day of watching out for things has come? if yes then you like me in that case. Last night at school was good luck firday but some how it was bad luck firday for me let me tell you why...
#1;
i was in math class and i wasn't paying any mind to what anyone way saying... so when i had to go to the board and write the answer down i ended up falling on my butt in front of my hole class and siad the answer was 2 when the teacher only asked me to give out papers for a lunch out thing and later that day i notice i wasn't even in math class i was in homeroom... i felt so stupid lol

My second epic Fail is...
#2;
it was raining and there was a group of guys and my two best firends we were standing there minding our own biss and my firend arianna falls and pulls my other firend amanda down with her and she pulls me down with her im like waht the hell just happen so i have a big spot on the butt on my jeans that looks like i pissed myslef. i was upset

so yes you can say i had a bad luck firday last night laugh if u wnat to i don't mind, hope you had a good laugh and you can pm if you want to know more about the 5 things that happened to me i only siad two. have an nice day

"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken–and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived." -Gone With the Wind

Oh goodie. My first blog entry is borderline emo/rant.

I've been on a lot of stress lately. Not just from academics, but also from my social life. And practically my life is split only in those two parts. Actually I'd care less with my acads. I mean I've accepted the fact that I'm not too smart. I'm utterly clueless about the things I should know about my course. But as I've said, I accepted that. However, the fact that I'm about to fail in three subjects--that I cannot accept. So I'm under a lot of stress, trying to pull my grades up.

So moving on to my social life. I've broken off with two of my friends. And it hurt. But then again, I'm the same type as Rhett Butler. I don't try to fix things once they've been broken. Sometimes 'm too rash about things. And I am well aware that this type of attitude may cost me a real shot at happiness but then again, I'm not the type who wallows in the past and the what-ifs. Something wrong happens, I take it, forget it, move on.

Yes, no regrets.

Well this is mah first blog evaa!! Hmm... i don't even really kno how to blog (noob moment xD) well i guess all i do is talk about wat i wanted to talk about sooo YAYS! i finally chose wat guild i wanted to join ^^ around the time i first joined this site i wanted to join the DLs but then as time passed by n i started to kno ppl i got confused whether i should join DLs, Enchanters, or Brotherhood. Hehe. I like DLs cuz well, i love dragons! I mean come on! They r just pure awesomeness!! N in the Enchanters guild i knew more people n its a big guild, idk if its the biggest too lazy to check xD N now the Brotherhood, i just love their choice of weapons! hehe i'll attack u with mah evil toothpick of dooooom!!!
So after all mah pondering n pondering n pondering (hmmm wat does pondering mean again?) i did eenie meenie minie moe chose Enchanters! ^^ N mah weapon will b mah sword of...ummm...ugh...doom! yah thats right doom. mah sword of doom!! Well at least until i can think of something else... so yah! Hmmm... i was gunna draw a pic of me to celebrate my guildship but school has just kept me so busy but i'll do it when i have time n when mah dramatic inspiration comes back ^_^ Ummmm... well i have no idea wat 2 talk about now sooo... well... ugh... bye...? i guess... <.< >.> *talks to self* i better try to practice mah spanish. Hasta luego! (hmmm until then... who says until then to people in english...? ah well. its all a mYsTeRy!! )

Finally ,my dream came true! ^.^
After hesitating about "Should I guild? Is this what I want?" , I decided to make my sister's dream, M.C, to come true. And I am pretty happy because I took the decision to join Enchanters ,but somehow I still feel my heart divided. v.v I wanted to make Moony and sister happy in the same time,but I decided to join this guild for the simple fact that I have here lots of friends than anywhere else.


Even if I think like a witch , my heart and soul are of an Enchanter , but keep your guard up,cause who knows,maybe I will make some curses


Ahh,just joking...or Not!

Anyway,I will change my title soon,and my brand new quote is this :

" Good things take time. Great things happen all of sudden "



As for my title,I will have to choose between " Crimson-Light Kitarian " and "Queen of Confuseness " (I think the last one is better >.> )
Help me to decide

P.S.: Ah,W&W lost another soul x3
P.S.S.:Mother Moony,I hope you will understand me v.v
P.S.S.S:HA! In your face King(a.k.a Brother) and Queen(a.k.a Sister). I will never be defeated if I have a big dream! My dreams always come true! *evil laugh*



Dattie ish out! *dragon wing dust*

*comes back*

Forgot to say : ALLMYFELLOWAMARANTHIANSAREAWAITEDHERE!



*dragon wing dust**smoke*


*cough**cough* Stupid dust!

*leaves thru back door*

I know I'm just an kind of "fresh" enchanter, and there's already an thread, but welcome to Dattie [D.A.T] to the enchanters! Hope you'll have fun with us, Dattie. Right now I'm posting this, because Dattie is my best friend ^___^ You finally made it, so, enjoy the Enchanters [while you can >:3 jk XD].

WELCOME DATTIE!!!

Enchanters are an fun, and magic guild, so I think you made the right choose. Hope you will have fun, the festival is coming soon, so you can already keep doing my work Jkjk. XD

i learned the only reason that
my family fights is because i
am so sad all the time, the music
i hear, theay i talk. my firends,
the books i rea, the way i dress,
the way i never talk to them,why i
dont love them that much(only my mom
and my bro i love and my grandamama.),
the bigest part of all is that the
poetry i write. i might more upset
that i gave up my poetry but...
i'll do anything for my family
to get along even if that
means giveing up something
i love to do and the only
thing i have...

I really, really, don't understand anymore.

It's scary really, how people change so quickly and so fast. I knew that when I was young, I was a stupid, young, senseless, idiotic, carefree little girl.

I want to turn back into a stupid, young, senseless, idiotic, carefree little girl. Because no matter what they say, those were the best days of my life. However stupid I was now that I looked back, everything back then was much, much better.

Strange how the future looks so dark but the past that you can never ever returned to looks as bright as a rainbow. It sickens me so much. When I was in P4-P6, I was mostly happy. Though I got into stupid troubles like hitting people with staplers or forging my behavioural tracking record, I was mostly happy. Those were perhaps the best days of my life. The best days of my life that I can actually remember. Before then, I was so different a person I could no longer feel what I was back then. It's like I've transformed into a completely different being in a short span of a few years.

In Secondary 1, last year, I was mostly sad. Back then, if you asked me for what I wanted... I would've replied, "I want to be my best, to make use of my potential to the fullest." It seems as if back then I was so... pure. And then darkness sets in.

This year, I think I've become so empty. Stranger and stranger things are beginning to happen, and the pure, sorrowful sadness that I've once felt had morphed into wild fear, anger and bitter revenge. I would hurt the people who've caused me to suffer. At the beginning of this year, I even created a fake form and placed them into each class claiming to be the teachers collecting parents' phone numbers, names and emails... And I used them to my advantage, and even though I did not know of the consequences I felt such wild happiness it feels inhumane. I wanted to hurt them like they've hurt me. I won't stand this.

And for once - studies, everything, now mean nothing to me. Only revenge matters now. Because that happiness is so good, I just want to feel it again.

It feels so wrong. It's like I'm long gone. Or maybe I'm still here, consumed by some unknown emotion, and I'm posting this screaming for help, help.

I don't know what's real and what's not anymore. Everything's just like a dream. So I tried to keep myself happy, carefree - by using the computer, going on the internet, sleeping, playing piano... And whenever I slip into this more human state, I feel oddly relieved.

And occasionally, I feel so guilty. I feel so depressed. And this is one of those times, so I'm posting this.

I don't think I can every cry anymore. The tears seem to have dried out a long time ago.