@Rodania: Thanks!!! And thank you for reminding me that I actually have stories here which could probably do with an update or two xD
@everyone: Here, have another Lars piece! Shorter but definitely not sweeter, that wouldn't be very Lars-y, now would it?
"I don't care if it is a talking boar!" I informed my four unworthy companions. "We've been promised an entire purse of gold to kill it!"
Had my party consisted of any other idiots in the world they would have seen the wisdom in my words. Unfortunately, it didn't. There was with a pathetic sword singer, a demon-summoner who was apparently being controlled by demons (that was the only explanation), a smelly sun priest, and the only vampire ever to exist who was stupid enough to care at all for living creatures.
I turned to the boar. "Do you have any last wishes, boar?" Because he would die, of course. I was in charge, after all. "How did you learn to speak?"
"I'm a human! A man!" he squealed, unconvincingly. "My name is Levus! On my wedding day, an evil merchant named Tiberius threw a bag of cursed dust on me and turned me into a boar. I've been hiding from him ever since."
Rhen interrupted before I could tell the boar he was a terrible liar. "So Tiberius is behind this! I knew there was something crooked about that man! What can we do to help you?"
The boar turned to her gratefully, probably relieved there was at least one fool in our party. "Find a wizard that knows how to cure the boar curse. That is my only hope."
"It's a quest!" Rhen exulted, scribbling it in her stupid journal-planner thing.
"Was your... fiance," Elini said the word delicately, "also cursed?"
The boar managed to look confused. "No..."
"Oh," Elini said, a bit disappointedly. "That is most fortunate."
I rolled my eyes. Obviously she had some sort of serious taste problem, if she would flirt with even a boar, but never me.
"Come on, let's go!" Rhen called, already standing in the cave entrance. Everyone else followed her thoughtlessly, like sheep following a blind shepherd. I shook my head. Poor, pathetic fools.
"Rhen," I said firmly, "this is ridiculous."
Te'ijal chuckled. "You humans truly are amusing. It really isn't that important, Lars. Come."
I rolled my eyes, but was not stupid enough to ignore the vampress. She had fangs, after all.
You'll never believe this, but they actually went through with it. We actually turned the boar into a human, at our own cost, when we could have gotten an entire purse of gold for nothing but a swing of Rhen's stupid sword.
Yeah, and all we got in return for our "good deed" was a world map.
A WORLD MAP! We had already traveled nearly every continent known to civilization. We already had maps of every place we had been to. We could have bought a million more maps with a purse of gold. We could have bought another orb for my staff, or new robes!
I sighed. Someday, I was going to have to teach these imbeciles about priorities.