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  1. I haven't actually played the games in a while, so I'm basing most of this off of my hazy memory of the game. I figured that yeah, Rhen would go 'Hey, Talia, the other druids have been assaulted by daeva's and I'm pretty sure there's something fishy going on there' (because I'm going to find a way to have them all speculate about druid/daeva relations and not just because of Saurva/Eithera). I can see Rhen convincing the daevas to come to the light side and such, which is probably going to wind up with me throwing random daevas at random people and such. I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to proceed here. It's a year, at least, before they finish their schooling and I got the idea that if they met Rhen earlier because she got impatient or something they'd come back sooner and now I'm floundering around with how time travel I invented works. In other notes, I've finally decided to play AV3 which is inevitably going to wind up with me abandoning this in favor of writing crack for that and I also need to combat writing Dameon and Rhen with switching between writing the seven unfinished crack pairing fics I have scattered around. On the other hand, my sister (and beta) is insistent I finish this under pain of death. ...I went to do something else for a bit and now I've totally forgotten where I was going with this so I'm just going to post this <>
  2. Okay, I'm not even going to pretend I'm really here anymore. So very sorry to whoever is actually reading my stuff, but I've got too much to do and, I'll admit, my free time is usually spent elsewhere, like obsessively harvesting potatoes when I could be doing something much more interesting in certain games, but moving on... I spend a lot of my time typing, though, and I'd like to get better so the main goal of my posting stories still stands. Plus my sister had recently gone through my things and demanded I share my stuff with the world. So, basically, I'm throwing this out here. I'm not promising regular updates (actually, I could probably promise the exact opposite ^^') but I'd still like it if you could point out what I've done wrong, how I should fix it, ect. Basically this is going to be another cracky chapter fic, but surprise surprise, I can actually see myself finishing this! Maybe. Eventually <> Also--while I'm actually here, extreme apologies to An for dying repeatedly. I'm a terrible friend, I know *flops* So, before I get distracted and wander off to do something else, I present my latest creation which, for lack of a better name, is going to be called Time Travel is a Bad Idea. Warnings for swears I may have forgotten to edit out and possible misspellings of cities and such. And also possible spelling errors of words in general because Microsoft Word and the spellcheck I have on firefox seem to have very different ideas of how to spell things. --- Chapter 1: The Ultimate Destabilization of the Universe Rhen woke up to the sound of yelling and a boot kicking her harshly in the side. On reflex, she grabbed the boot and dragged its owner down while at the same time twisting around until she was sitting on his/her chest with her knees pinning down his/hers arms, one hand around their neck and the other feeling for her sword. By then she had cleared enough sleep from her eyes and mind to realize that not only did she have Lars pinned beneath her, she had a significantly younger and extremely shocked Lars pinned beneath her in what she recognised as her old room in Galahara. “…have I gone insane?” she wondered out loud. “Because the last thing I remember is arguing with Vata, and I can usually tell if I’m dreaming” Still pinned beneath her (though she had stopped squeezing his neck threateningly), Lars was still staring at her, shocked she had pulled off such a manoeuvre. “Wait, Vata…” she continued thoughtfully, realization dawning as she quickly connecting the dots. “…son of a--! I am not going through all that again!” scowling impressively, she gracefully rolled off of Lars. Wait, that sounded wrong, considering she probably counted as twice his age and was technically married. Groaning, she buried her head in her hands. “I refuse to do that crap over again! I’ll…I’ll throw in my lot with Ahriman and take over the world and make everyone wear orange on Friday and ban watches and clocks and block out the sun and then Vata—the real Vata—will have to bloody come get me!” “What?” Lars finally managed to splutter out. “Oh, quit it” Rhen snapped, lifting her head out of her hands for long enough to scowl at him. She had a major problem, here. How would she get back? She would get back, that was for sure, even if she had to become the druid of bloody time herself and send herself back. Well, there were several holes in that plan, but that had just been an example to show how far she would go. But…she did have a chance here, a chance to stop Danny from being bitten and Dameon from despising his mother and so many things she could fix with this! But, then again, reliving every tiring minute of her life was bound to be exhausting. “Ugh. I can worry about it later, before Mistress” she said the word with a thick layer of sarcasm. “Starts harping about me finishing my chores” hopping to her feet, she frowned down at her smaller body, clothed in poorly stitched together rags, and walked over to the door. “Also, Lars, you might want to get up soon” she called back over her shoulder, making a face. “There’s some sort of bug in that bed and it itches like you would not believe” There was a scrabbling sound as Lars hurriedly got to his feet. “Slave, what was that?” he demanded, jogging to catch up to her as she made her way to the attic. First thing she did that morning was kill those infernal spiders, and she had some steam to blow off anyway. “That was you waking me up, which was a very bad idea” she responded. Rhen was by no means a morning person, especially after she’d been hurled back in time and woken up to a loud annoying noise and being kicked in the side. Now, waking up wrapped around a certain former sun priest, on the other hand… She shook her head, pushing open the attic door. It was extremely satisfying to hear Lars shriek like a little girl at the sight of three humongous spiders crawling around in the attic. “Baby” she snorted, looking around. Eyeing one of the decorative swords on the wall, she decided it would have to do. The blade wasn’t sharp for safety reasons, but it was metal and if she could use a bloody stick she could do this without problem. In fact, she thought, since she had begun training herself to ‘sing’ with different materials, starting with sticks in memory of what had earned her freedom in the first place, it would be easy to impress Lorad into freeing her. Hell, maybe she’d give electrocuting Lars with a paper napkin a go. That would get his attention. Meanwhile, the thoughtful look on her face as she lifted the sword up off the wall was beginning to frighten Lars. Ignoring Lars, Rhen hefted the sword experimentally before nodding and walking into the attic. The spiders ignored her in favour of scuttling around on thick hairy legs. It was at that point that she came to the conclusion that she would screw up the timeline as much as she could—barring joining Ahriman in case it didn’t work—so Vata would come get her. Making a face, she raised her makeshift weapon and hit the first spider. Her muscles weren’t what they used to be before she got sent back in time—god that sounded weird—but she was still strong for her age, given all the housework she had to do. The spider made an angry chittering noise, then fell silent as the sword hummed and a crackle of electricity ran down the blade and into the now smoking spider. Rhen’s brows knitted together as she raised the still faintly humming sword. “Poor baby” she cooed, stroking the blunt blade. “It must be horrible, being cooped up there all your life” “…Slave, why are you talking to a sword?” Lars wondered. “Because it’s sorely underused and not even sharp” she snapped back, glaring at Lars before wheeling around to kill the other two spiders in a frazzle of electricity. “Teach me how to do that” Lars ordered, crossing his arms expectantly. “No can do, Larsy” she said, wiping the spider goo off on her poor excuse of a dress. “For one, you’re a sorcerer, not a sword singer. For another, you’re extremely scrawny” “Slave” he said in a tone she used to relate with danger. Now it just sounded comical. Laughing softly, she patted him on the head as she passed. “I have to go get your traveling clothes now, Master Lars. Also, how do you feel about the colour orange?” she paused, blunt sword still in hand, to look at him thoughtfully. “…okay?” it came out as more of a question. “Good, good” she nodded, walking through the door and leaving a very confused Lars behind. Making a quick side trip to her room to rest down her new sword with promises that she’d come back and tomorrow they’d be in Veldarah where she’d sharpen it and it would be put to use even though that was technically theft (Rona could bite her). Ignoring her ‘Mistress’s’ harping about her uselessness—behold, her prediction had come to pass!—she walked out the door and towards the Tailor’s shop. “Top of the morning, Terlin!” Rhen greeted cheerily, waving. Seeing her old friend sent a pang of nostalgia through her. “Are Lars’s clothes ready?” “Yes” Terlin smiled, looking a little bewildered by her good mood. None the less, she handed over the clothes, looking at Rhen seriously. “Rhen…has Lars been treating you okay?” she asked hesitantly, probably wondering if Rhen’s cheerfulness was an act. “Not at all” Rhen responded, tucking the clothes under her arm. “In fact, I have every intention of beating him to death with a paper napkin tomorrow. You should come watch, it’ll be fun” she grinned. “Anyway, gotta run. Thanks, Terlin!” Once again, she left the room leaving a very confused (but this time sort of relieved) person behind her. She paused on her way back to the house, wondering if that had been the best course of action considering her delicate situation. Antagonizing Lars was one thing—and totally worth it too—but screwing up her one chance at freedom somehow by making Lars not corner Eddie or something was far worse. Upon entering the house, she held out the clothes, smiling. “I’ve both killed the spiders in a gruesome fashion and, as you can see, picked up Master Lars’s travelling clothes. Speaking of Master Lars, I notice that he is rather late for supper. Shall I go fetch him for you, Mistress?” she bowed with a flourish. “Yes—“ She was out the door before Mistress Rona could get more than that word out. The walk across town gave her some time to think. Her first problem was how this may affect the future. Was it even her future she would go back to if Vata got to her? She remembered him droning on about some cryptic nonsense before this happened. She knew the words he was speaking, but when he strung them all together they didn’t make any bloody sense. Something about fate smoothing out creases and something else about sandwiches, though he’d probably been talking about lunch having arrived. “He’s the bloody druid of time” she muttered to herself, scowling. “If he can send me back he can come get me” Yes, that made perfect sense. Nodding resolutely, she rounded the corner to the not-so-secret hideout of Lars and his friends. “Larsssss” she called gleefully, approaching the group with a glint in her eye. “Your mommy wants you to come back home” Lars flushed, glaring angrily at her. “I don’t follow the orders of a slave!” “Unless you want a repeat of this morning, yes you do” Rhen replied, grinning. “You let your slave speak to you like this?” Ylitta asked sceptically. “This morning I displayed my newfound ability to grind him into dust, so yes” Rhen confirmed, nodding. Lars glared at her in wordless fury. “And you let her wear jewellery?” Hector added, his face making it clear he was quickly losing his respect for Lars. “It’s her bracelet” Lars snapped back. “My mother would never let one of our slaves wear something so nice” Hector declared. “You’re right!” Rhen said, smiling. “As a slave, I should be wearing nothing but rags, so” she picked up a stick and carefully struck the bracelet. It came off with a snap. “I should not be wearing something so pretty. By all means, you can have it” she smiled at Ylitta before looking down at her wrist, where an ugly red scar rested. Sighing, she wished she knew some healing spells. “…I miss Dameon” she muttered sadly. Meanwhile Lars had begun speaking/bickering with the other two. “She clearly doesn’t know her place” Ylitta was saying snottily. “I had a dog like that once, her name was Peta” “If it’s good enough for a dog, it’s good enough for a slave then” Lars said smugly. “Girl, I now name you Peta” “Good times, good times” Rhen sighed forlornly, clearly surprising the three. “Anyway, Lars, you’re coming with me” she grinned, grabbing his wrist and unceremoniously dragging him away. By the time they reached the house, Lars had recovered from his shock. “Slave” he snarled, yanking his arm free. “Not Peta?” she said innocently. “Anyway, if you’re going to threaten to tell on me to mommy then I will lose whatever tiny amount of respect I have for you right here and now” He paused, fury melting away in surprise. She was willing to bet his train of thought included the words ‘Well, when you put it like that…’ Ignoring him, she went back inside. “Master Lars is outside, Mistress” she said, bowing. “Hmph. Go to bed without dinner, slave” the elderly woman snapped, glaring. “Okay, whatever” Rhen shrugged, a little puzzled. She hadn’t done anything wrong, aside from being a bit cheeky she supposed. She’d suffered though worse, like that time Lars had forgotten to buy supplies and they spent the rest of the week living off of what they could find in the wild. The younger Lars walked through the door, glaring at her. “I never thought I’d miss him” Rhen sighed, opening the door of her room. Ignoring the lumpy mattress, she laid on the floor. She managed to half convince herself she was lying on a sheet of rock in the mountains, the dull chirp of crickets drifting through the window as she drifted into a dreamless sleep. She woke at dawn out of habit, taking a moment to remember where she was before getting up. The city was still waking up, the house still totally silent. Lars and his mother were probably still asleep. She gingerly outside, walking around the town before settling at Lars’s ‘hideout’ to go through her old training regime. The familiar burn on her muscles was comforting, the aching not so much. She was weak and it was disgusting. By the time she estimated the event that gave her freedom to happen she was drenched in sweat. She sat by the lake, dabbing her face with a damp handkerchief as she watched for when Lars would corner Eddie. She’d just cooled down when it actually happened, the green haired boy backing the younger child into the tiny alley. Rhen clambered to her feet and ran towards them, fury burning through her. Seeing him hit that poor boy again made her want to turn him inside out. “Lars!” she yelled furiously, waiting for him to turn to her before whipping him across the face with the handkerchief. A bright flash of yellow light appeared behind him and kicked him in the back. He yelped, falling the ground. Eddie shot her grateful look before running as fast as his little legs would take him. “What the--?!” Lars choked out, gaping at Rhen. “Lars, your man card has officially been revoked” Rhen said seriously before turning to Lorad. “You’re the embassies from Shadwood Acadamy, then? This is Lars, he’s your problem now!” Rhen said cheerfully. “You—“ Lorad began only to be cut off. “Um, you’re not going to arrest me for the whole whip snap flashy boom boom thing, right?” Rhen asked, glancing at Lars’s shell shocked form. “No” Lorad answered in an amused tone. He turned to his companion—whom she forgot the name of—and proceeded to ignore them in favour of talking about her ‘whip snap flashy boom boom thing’. “Sorry about that, but you really shouldn’t go around beating up seven year olds. It’s just pathetic” she shook her head, holding out a hand to help Lars up. He ignored it. “Hey, are you okay?” Rhen crouched down, poking his forehead. He blinked, but other than that he was still not responding. “…crap, I didn’t fry your brain, did I?” Rhen swore, looking up at Lorad’s companion--Ghelda, that was her name! “Guys, I think I broke him” “He’ll be fine” Lorad said, waving a dismissive hand at him. She knew there was a reason why she liked him! “Child, what’s your name?” “Rhen” she answered promptly, standing up and facing the red head. “You’re a slave?” he asked, looking her down. “Yes” she answered, resisting the urge to say ‘no, I’m wearing rags for kicks’ “Unless, of course, you’re planning on freeing me so I can learn swordsinging” “Well, yes” he blinked at her, surprised. “Letting a gift such as yours go to waste would be foolish” “Great!” Rhen smiled brightly at him. “I’ll also probably need some coin to get myself some gear, as well. Surely you don’t expect me to get from here to Veldarah in this and a handkerchief?” she squinted at him. He sighed, digging into his pocket. “I suppose not” he muttered rather reluctantly, handing her both some coins and the token. “Thanks!” she smiled gratefully as she took the offered objects, wondering why he didn’t do this last time. A flash of colour out of the corner of her eye disturbed her thoughts. “Terlin!” she cried, spinning around and throwing her arms around the woman. “Guess what, I’m free because I’m super awesome at kicking ass!” grinning like a kid on Christmas, she leaned back enough to see the older woman’s face. Terlin blinked. “You’re…free?” “Yup! Also, if I could buy some actual clothes that’d be great” she stepped back, gesturing down at her rags. “Oh, you don’t have to buy them. I’m sure I could spare a pair” the brunette smiled. “Come, I’ll go get them” Rhen blinked, the act of kindness almost making her eyes tear up. “And before you protest, you’re getting these clothes if I have to tie you up” Terlin called to her casually. “Terlin, you are quite possibly one of the most amazing people on this earth” Rhen said seriously. “I know dear” -o- “Vata? Is there any particular reason you decided that the world was in danger of ending or otherwise becoming very horrible?” the Oracle asked dryly, looking at the Druid of Time suspiciously. “Um. It would be easier to explain it all at once, after you’ve summoned the others” the normally calm Druid of Time said nervously, proving to the Oracle that the world very well may be about to end. A moment later a blaze of blue light found Rhen’s former travelling companions, prior to the defeat of Ahriman, and the Druids in the sun temple. The cries of outrage and/or confusion quickly died at the sight of the serious face of the Oracle. “Let me guess, Ahriman isn’t really dead or something else is about to eat the world or something equally unbelievably unfortunate” Lars drawled, sounding rather exasperated because obviously anything to do with Rhen was going to result in pain and terror and the general downfall of the world. “Something like that” Vata said nervously, averting his eyes. “Is Rhen okay?” was Dameon’s immediate concern when he realized that his wife was not, in fact, in the room, Lars somehow having realized that before him. Dameon was a good husband, really. “I’m not sure” Vata said, averting his eyes even further. Suddenly there was a very deadly aura radiating from at least three people in that room. “I may have accidentally sent her back in time” “…back in time?” Lars asked incredulously. “Yes. Sometime around the day she goes to Shadwood academy, I think” Vata frowned. “Vata! You didn’t!” Vohu Manah gasped, staring at the other druid. “It wasn’t my fault!” the formerly even tempered man snapped back. “How was I to know her sword singing would react like that to the temple?” “Wait, wait” Dameon asked, looking slightly more confused than he was worried, and that was saying something. “You sent my wife back in time?” “Yes” Vata confirmed, nodding. “Can I assume this cannot end well?” Lars asked, looking around like he expected the universe to implode that very moment. “Probably. There’s a slim chance this could turn out even better, assuming Rhen doesn’t irreversibly damage the space time continuum to the point that neither myself nor fate could even it out” he sighed. “I’ll take that as a yes then” Lars nodded, crossing his arms. “What does this time travel entail, anyway?” Elini asked, tilting her head to the side. “She will have full memory of what happened in this timeline. So long as she can recondition her muscles, as she will be in the same body as then, she could very well come back to the point she is now and beyond” Vata mused. “Perfect. We’ll have an insanely powerful Rhen running around cutting the threads of fate left right and centre” Lars groaned. “Did you just admit she was powerful?” Dameon asked, clearly puzzled. “She’s not here now and the world’s about to end anyway” Lars said dismissively. “Could you not just bring her back in the same manner you sent her there?” Elini asked reasonably. “For one, I did not send here there, it was an accident. And no, I could not, as by then my body will have been assaulted by the Daevas, which would render going back pointless as I’d be a statue” John coughed awkwardly. “You realize how that sounds, right, mate?” Vata gave him a withering look. “I have bigger concerns at the moment, like preventing the collapse of the universe” “See?” Lars said rather smugly. “Only you could be pleased about that” Elini sighed. “I don’t get it” Lars admitted, ignoring Elini. “If Rhen changes the present by going back in the past, won’t that mean that she never went to this future to be sent back in the first place? And won’t that set her in an infinite loop until she finally decides that screw it, she’s not going back and would create a paradox anyway?” “Time has a way of smoothing out its creases, boy” Vata said mysteriously. “…so, in other words, you don’t know” Lars summarized. “I’m the druid of time, of course I know!” Vata snapped at him, annoyed. “Then explain” Lars challenged. “If I had sent her back in her older body, with two Rhens in the world, she would have disturbed fate by causing her other self to make different choices and not send her back in time. As it is, the world will not collapse in on itself unless she alters the past drastically enough that my spells along with fate could not hold it together” Vata said thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. “Send me back” Dameon said immediately, determined. “Excuse me?” Vata asked, looking rather offended. “As sickeningly stupid it is that he wants to go back because he can’t live without his precious Rhennykins” Lars snorted, ignoring Dameon’s glare. “We can’t leave Rhen on her own back then lest she collapses the universe by doing something stupid, and there’s also the factor that we could make the past slash future better” “…so, basically, you want me to send you back in time, possibly destabilizing the universe even more, on the off chance it’ll turn out better” Vata summarized, raising an eyebrow. “Yes. Also Dameon will incinerate you if you don’t, somehow” Lars added. Vata looked to the Oracle. The Oracle sighed, shaking her head. “They are clearly set on this. It would be best to adhere to their wishes” Vata looked sceptical, but nodded anyway. “I can only send you back one at a time, however, with delays between as I regain my power. I can tie your return within days of your meeting Rhen, to ensure the flow of time won’t send you back too soon or too late” “It would be best to send us back in the order she met us, so we may encounter her sooner” Te’ijal spoke up, having been silent before then. Dameon glared at her for a moment before reluctantly nodding. “That means Lars goes first then” “Alright, alright” Vata muttered, raising his arms. There was a rather anti-climactic flash of blue light, and then Lars was gone. “We’ll stay with the Binis until you recover your strength” Dameon decided before leaving, the rest following. “Vata, you neglected to tell them that the trip through time can leave an individual slightly unhinged” the Oracle observed rather dryly once they were gone. “That is because that is a lie” Vata said smartly. “The individual usually merely lacks self-preservation, having lived three times their share of danger meaning that the knowledge that they have three more shares of danger to go through, cautiously or not, will cause them to adopt a slightly demented careless attitude towards their second chance at life, not to mention that they will be powerful enough to pull it off” “…Vata, it is beginning to sound as if you have done this before” Rashnu observed. “Personal experience, nothing more, I assure you” Vata said decisively. “As the Druid of Time I myself have travelled back multiple times” “Doesn’t that mean you’re insane as well?” Vohu Manah asked, looking confused. An awkward silence followed her question. “Well” Vata coughed after a moment. “I had better go…recuperate my strength” he edged out of the room hurriedly. “Yes, Vohu” Rashnu assured the fellow druid. “He’s completely raving mad” “He does a good job disguising it” the Oracle observed, looking thoughtfully out the door. “Shouldn’t we be more worried about the collapse of the space time continuum rather than Vata’s mental stability?” Armaiti wondered. “The two are one and the same, my dear” the Oracle said wisely before frowning. “Perhaps I should appoint a new Druid of Time…” “That would be wise” Rashnu sighed. “Look what he did, after all. Sending that girl back is bound to end in disaster” “It can’t be that bad” Vohu Manah said, trying to be optimistic. Silence met her statement. “…right?” “Let’s put it this way, Vohu” Rashnu sighed. “Imagine what Rhen would do in the past to get back at Vata” “…Oh dear” “Exactly”
  3. ((Yep, Tollak and Anika meeting would be fuuun)) Tasha made a face at the shallow cuts. She'd gotten worse falling off of a tightrope, or that time she decided it would be a wonderful idea to punch a guy with porcupine quills covering his body for waking her up. "Ah, yes, thanks" she said at the offer of medical help, hand gingerly ghosting over the worst wound. She winced, wondering if it was such a good idea to be doing this after all. Looking up, she was startled to see the corpse of a wolfman before her, her dagger sticking out of the middle of it's forehead. Huh. She didn't even remember doing that. The battle had been more of a mix of adrenaline and stabs that relied more on instinct than thought. A slow grin spread over her face. Okay, so maybe she wasn't giving herself enough credit. Not that she should be getting overconfident or anything Argh. This was getting confused. ---------- Avarea flapped her wings, sending dust flying through the air as she slowly landed. She couldn't stop the triumphant crow that bubbled up in her feathered chest at the sight of her shredded opponents, try as she may to stifle to basic animal instincts of the Griffin form she had assumed. Maybe Vorie was right. Maybe she was losing her mind. Shaking her head, she trotted over to her dress, picked it up in her beak and walked into the forest. Biting back a cry of pain, she finished the shift and slipped back into her dress before jogging back into the clearing. There was no animalistic sense of satisfaction now, only disgust at the body strewn clearing. It smelled awful. "Ugh" she made a face, barely noticing the newest arrival. "Is all of this trip going to smell like this?" she waved her hand, the other over her nose. --- Anika was, to say the least, very intrigued by magic. Finding something she hadn't seen before was a rare, but welcome occurrence. So, when she felt a strange magical presence tugging at the edge of her awareness, she paused her work and carefully examined the new power making it's way towards the castle. Hm. Odd. Sitting up from her desk, she made a beeline for the presence, carefully summoning up a barrier around herself. It wouldn't do to be caught by this new magic before she could examine it, now would it? The new magic was coming from a tall man who was standing before Antagon. Ignoring her employer, she thoughtfully circled the man, examining him head to toe. "You. What's your name?" she demanded, coming to a stop in front of him. Magic funneled up into her eyes, making them shimmer an eery red colour. She looked him down again before her eyes settled on his face. Silver. Smooth, silver magic. The red sheen flickered out of existence as a slow smile crept onto her face. A silver tongue. A useful talent indeed. She was half tempted to remove her shield out of curiosity, but she wasn't a fool. She knew that no matter how great her powers, she shouldn't dive off into the unknown. She also knew that Antagon would one day tire of her, but she was confident she would survive the inevitable attack. Not even Antagon could get past her wards. Clucking her tongue, she stored such thoughts away for later. Right now she had to figure out how to subject herself to this mans powers without putting herself at risk.
  4. YAY IT'S ALIVE. I'm back, btw, so yaaay
  5. WHO'S READY TO GIVE ME SQUINTY LOOKS? Why would we be giving you squinty looks, you ask? Because. You just lost The Game. I dedicate this fanfic to the infuriating creation that is The Game. --- “I just lost The Game” Rhen announced. The party had gotten lost in the wastelands outside of Thais, and was trying to find their way back to the path when Rhen made this strange declaration. “Great, now you made me lose The Game!” Pirate John whined, crossing his arms. “Me too” Dameon said, scanning their surroundings for a clue to their whereabouts. “I had a 243 year winning streak, too” Te’jial muttered. “My record is three years” Elini joined in the baffling conversation. Mad Marge rolled her eyes. “Three years? Psh, my record is ten!” Lars stared at them like they were insane. Which they probably were. “What the heck are you talking about?” he finally asked, a rare look of pure confusion on his face. Rhen blinked. “The Game, of course” “What game?!” This seemed to spark some sort of reaction, as everyone else fell silent. Rhen stepped forwards, apparently making it her duty to explain. “Everyone in the world is playing The Game” she informed him in a very serious tone. “The Game has two rules: If you think about The Game, you lose. If you lose The Game then you must tell somebody else that you have lost The Game” Lars blinked slowly, deciding to go along with this baffling turn of events for now. “Why not just don’t tell if you lose?” “That is cheating at The Game. What do you have to gain by cheating at The Game?” Lars blinked again, conceding to this point. “But what if you don’t want to play The Game?” “Everyone must play The Game” everyone said unanimously. At this point Lars was very creeped out. “The Game ends when the King of Sedona announces in some sort of public appearance that The Game is over” Rhen continued. “There are rest periods in The Game, around half an hour should do, when you have either lost The Game or finished explaining The Game to someone else. These are the rules of The Game, you may now hate me forever for telling you about it” Lars blinked slowly. “So I’ve just lost The Game?” Rhen nodded. “So I have a 17 year winning streak?” Lars asked slowly, looking around. Rhen nodded again. “I’m still winning” Te’jial said rather smugly after a moment. Lars stared at them. “You’re all crazy” he decided. On this note, he turned heel and set off in the direction he hoped was towards Thais. -A month or so later, in Ahriman’s cave- The party stood in front of Ahriman, Rhen and Daemon closest to him. Fairy dust lay at the ground beneath Dameon. The great battle that would make or break the fate of the world was about to begin. Pirate John raised his hand. All eyes turned to him. “I just lost The Game” For a moment everyone just stared at him. Then, one by one, each face settled into one of frustration or displeasure. Ahriman sighed. “Before I kill you, I suppose you should know…389 years” Te’jial scowled. “Damn it” Lars stared at them. “Oh, come on!” --- Heh. Fun times. Anyway--that's the end of today's stories! So, what do you want next? Another crack fic? A different fandom? Another strange writing experiment? Tell, tell! [d]LET ME KNOW I'M NOT JUST RAVING AT A WALL HERE[/d]
  6. OKAY. SO. This next one is something from Skyrim, since I might as well give everyone a taste of what I'll be offering from now on--well, sort of. I'll post something for Aveyond after this, for those who haven't played Skyrim/don't know what the Wabbajack is. Basically, the Wabbajack is the staff of the Daedric god of Madness, known as Sheogorath, which can have completely unpredictable results when fired. --- Wabbajack--User’s Manual Congratulations on getting your grubby little mitts on your very own Wabbajack! Now, there are a few things you need to know about the Wabbajack before you go off exploring dungeons or assaulting towns people or whatever you intend to do with it. First things first--do not, in any way, shape or form, rely on a prediction of what the Wabbajack will do. There's no harm in guessing what it'll do--take bets, even, it's jolly good fun! But never, ever, EVER assume that it will turn that skeever over there into a harmless chicken and smugly sheath your weapon. Doing so will result in your whole plan blowing up in your face when the skeever turns into a bear that will claw your face off for being such an idiot (really, why on earth would you think that the staff of the god of madness to be predictable? It’s just as much of a derr derr derr as its creator is! Seriously, Sheogorath isn’t just out of the tree here, he carved his staff out of it and then gleefully burned the whole forest to the ground before cooked dinner in the smouldering ashes). It is nearly impossible to make an educated guess about what the Wabbajack will do, so always be wary. For instance, if that skeever we were talking about earlier really had turned into a chicken, it would be advisable to take a second, look in all directions cautiously and make sure a storm atronach isn't about to pop out of Oblivion, high five that chicken (formerly skeever) and promptly hand your ass to you. If you weren't prepared to be looking around like a paranoid madman every five seconds you shouldn't have the Wabbajack in the first place, since merely holding it makes you a madman so therefore you should be perfectly content to act like one. Unless paranoia isn't your style, in which case you should merrily hack down whatever the Wabbajack sends your way. On the other hand, one should always give the Wabbajack a whirl, just to see what it's going to do. Turn your opponent into a wheel of cheese? Make him implode into a million bits of flaming meat? Summon the hopelessly in love Hagraven out of nowhere? The possibilities are endless! So, unless you're a wuss (in which case Wabbajack will sense your fear and promptly EXPLODE YOU INTO TINY LITTLE PIECES) you should always fire that staff at whatever you're facing and see what happens! If you follow that little tidbit of advice (YOU HAD BETTER FOLLOW IT OR YOU’LL WAKE UP A SALMON) Always be sure to have plenty of souls to feed your Wabbajack, too. Such random bursts of power can really take a lot out of a staff! So, to repeat, always pack some lunch for your staff or it will be very mad with you and turn you into a goat and then eat you. Except then it wouldn’t have any one to wield its insanity so it would spit you back out and turn you into a humanoid goat thing. IS THAT HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE? IS IT? NO? THEN YOU’D BETTER BLOODY FEED THAT STAFF! Unless you do want to be a humanoid goat thing, which is splendid because it means that you’re totally off your rocker and thus a worthy wielder of the Wabbajack. That's the basics of wielding the Wabbajack. Follow these basic instructions (since the bare basics is the only type of provenly true information we can give about the Wabbajack, since it's...well, y'know. Completely unpredictable and all that. Unless you want us to feed you lies, in which case the Wabbajack is a completely harmless staff that will make all your wildest dreams come true! Fire it at you're family and watch them prosper in joy and harmony@ Go on!) and you're well on your way to glory! Assuming you don't spontaneously combust along the way. But don't worry, that won't happen very often. So remember--stay sharp and completely raving mad! Not that you have much of a choice about that last one, though. --- I use the Wabbajack for ten minutes and suddenly I'm an expert on it *smug*.
  7. SO. In order to rack up more money *evil laugh* I'll separate each fic or whatever into a different post because I NEED MONEEEY. COINS. SHINY THINGS THAT CAN BE EXCHANGED FOR MEMBERSHIP IN A GUILD. WHATEVER. So, to start us off, I'll give you a pretty good taste of what my writing experiments are. There are like twenty of these so far, btw. Some are short, so MORE COINS FOR MEEEE MWUAHAHAHAHAHA. After this I'll post something like the first post, and then you can choose what you want me to post/write next! REQUESTS ARE FUUUUUN. So, on with the show! --- The clock struck twelve, signalling the end of another day. She didn’t sleep here. She didn’t eat, didn’t drink. She didn’t need to; she only stared at the ceiling in contemplation. Eight hundred and fifty three years now. Eight hundred and fifty three out of a thousand. Just one hundred and forty seven years until he came. That was the deal, after all. One thousand years and then he’d come and they’d be together forever. Eight hundred and fifty three years. Ten thousand, two hundred and thirty six months. Three hundred thousand, eleven thousand, three hundred and forty five days. Why, she often wondered as she watched the moon make its trip across the sky, was she doing this? She could leave, any time. All she had to do was break the mirror and she was free. She would stare that the mirror, the key to her freedom, frequently. Her reflection—a reflection her normal self, wearing normal clothes instead of a black gown that slowly turned white as she got closer and closer to one thousand days—stared back. She stared wistfully at her old home (she had a new home now, where they’d live after the remaining one hundred and forty seven days were served), missing her family. As she stared at the clock, the minute hand just moving out of the twelve position, she pondered how easy it would be to smash the mirror and go back. But that would mean she’d failed him. A thousand days was her sentence. A thousand days before her soul was pure and she could finally, finally be with him. Not long, she thought as she looked down at her hands, toying with the white-grey fabric of her gown—it resembled a wedding gown, ironically—absentmindedly. Not long at all. --- I'm not quite sure what setting this is in. I have a vague back story which I pieced together after I typed this. Something about a girl falling in love with an angel and told that she has to wait one thousand years for her soul to be pure enough to ascend up with the angels, the wedding dress a meter for the purity of her soul and the mirror being her escape back to her old life should she change her mind. Actually, I might continue that. Or write a prequel. Or something.
  8. Wha. This hasn't been deleted yet? AMG. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH. I THOUGHT FOR SURE IT WOULD BE DEAD, LIKE I WAS BEFORE I BECAME A ZOMBIE AND CAME BACK TO LIFE. It's been, like, months, hasn't it? I was honestly expecting this to have been deleted. Anyway. Hi. Soooo, I think I'm back. I'm strongly attempting life, anyway, so I can further improve my writing skills by totally spamming this thread with the rainbow coloured brain goo that spews from my mind and onto MS word. Since I've been gone, I've broadened my horizons from just Aveyond fanfiction--though there will be lots of that, too. But, there are random bits of meaningful-ish blathering known as my writing experiments--completely plotless and probably without and sense. There is also some fanfiction from other fandoms which I may or may not post (So far I'm leaning towards not, due to my apparent inability to finish anything), for fandoms such as Naruto (mainly crack, and maybe--MAYBE--this quiz thing I did with my sister about OCs), One Piece (also crack), World Only God Knows (If only so I can learn how to write some form of romance without promptly sticking my head in the oven), Inuyasha (also crack. Some actual fanfiction, maybe, which will probably feature some sort of pairing that leans more towards beastiality, due to my newest hero-worship to this one author), Skyrim (BECAUSE I CAN TOTALLY WRITE FANFICTION ABOUT DEADRIC GAME GODS WITHOUT BEING SMITED. I blame the Wabbajack. Speaking of the Wabbajack, I'll be posting something about that) and maybe some things about my own OCs, if I'm desperate to upload something and let you all know I'm still alive. And, y'know, Aveyond stuff. ANYWAY. To answer some questions I know my fans (I CAN DREAMMM ;_____; ) will be asking: Yes, I have, indeed, gotten more insane since I left. Thank you for noticing. Yes, I like to think that my writing has gotten better. No, I wouldn't trust myself to not get buried in homework once again and drop off. Yes, I will also upload some chibi--I'm not actually sure that whatever I do counts as chibi's, but that's what I call them--drawings for my work (because I'm that lonely that I have to draw myself fan art *sigh* (jk, though if anyone was amazing enough to actually draw me fanart I would pledge my life to you *grovels*)). Yeah. So. I'll just go ahead and let you know that I'm actually alive here (AREN'T YOU SO PROUD?!) before totally spamming this thread with all the brain goo that accumulated during my absence. BE AFRAID, IMAGINARY PEOPLE I LIKE TO THINK ACTUALLY READ MY STUFF, BE AFRAID. I also use caps lock a lot nowadays. Or, I hold down shift and type a lot because caps lock feels like cheating.
  9. So. You know how I've recently (as in, as of NOW) returned to Amaranth? Well, I figured while I was at it I may as well post the series of I-guess-it's-finished? one-shots that have been cluttering up my documents. We'll start with the ones that are actually finished. First up is the first one I actually completed! Also, forgive me if there are some...ahem, profanities that I forgot to edit out. ------Magic Mushies------ Rhen sighed heavily, quickly going over how she got here. Ah, that’s right. She and the others had tired themselves out exploring the dream realm and had set up camp there. She left to go get some water from a stream they’d passed a while back, only to run into Agas (because apparently deava’s needed water too). They fought for a while when Rhen saw fit to distract him with a storm scroll, hide in a cave, wait until he passed and then ambush him. She managed to get a good shot at his sword arm, but then he ended up pushing her back into the cave, where she attempted to Boot Slapping Mara him and missed, causing the mouth of the cave to collapse. Now she was stuck in a cave with the deava Agas, Ahriman’s right hand man, only alive under the flimsy promise that they wouldn’t try and kill each other, for a fight may very well collapse the rest of the cave. Wonderful. And to make matters worse? She was starving, too. “Are you just going to glare at me? Or are you going to help me find a way out?” a smooth voice interrupted her thoughts. Rhen narrowed her eyes at the deava, who was inspecting the collapsed mouth of the cave. “I could probably Boot Slapping Mara a way out, but I don’t have enough energy” The blue-clad man paused for a minute before utterly surprising Rhen by throwing back his head and laughing. “’Boot Slapping Mara’?” he asked, shaking his head. Rhen huffed, crossing her arms. “Oh, shut up, I heard you squeal when I hit you with it” “I did not ‘squeal’” he said, turning to glare at her. She waved a dismissive hand at him “Sure, sure” There was a long silence, then. Agas went back to cross-examining the entrance and Rhen tried to think of something she could eat. “To hell with it” she muttered, getting up. “I’m eating the damn mushrooms” Agas turned towards her just in time to see her picking up one of the glowing mushrooms illuminating the cave and popping it in her mouth. “Are you stupid?” he asked, eyeing the swordsinger. “Those could be poisonous, for all you know” He was expecting another snarky remark, but to his surprise she just giggled. Taking a wary step back, he was tempted to say ‘I told you so’ when the purple haired girl wobbled, still giggling. “You look funny” she informed him, pointing at his head. “You’re all blue ‘n stuff” “That’s my armour” he told her, looking at her uncertainly. “Oh” she paused for a moment, apparently thinking this new information over. Then, with speed he didn’t know she possessed, she launched herself at his face and began attempting to pry off his helmet. “Ow—hey, what the—don’t do that—Ow!“ he sputtered indignantly as Rhen all but removed his head tugging at the helmet. Once the helmet finally came off Rhen dashed away from him, his helmet clutched in her hands. “What the hell?” he asked, rubbing his now sore head. She just giggled in a rather unnerving manor and pointed at his head again. “You’re blonde!” He gave her a look. “How do you distract a blonde?” she asked, giggling some more. Looking at her dubiously, he decided to play along. “How?” “By giving them a mirror!” she laughed at her own joke, grinning. Agas was beginning to wonder what the heck were in those mushrooms and what would happen If he ‘accidentally’ fed them to Saurva. “What are you…?” he asked as she slipped on his helmet. She shushed him, putting her hands on her hips and puffing out her chest. “I am the almighty deava Agas! I am and always shall be prettier than you puny mortals!” she exclaimed in a crude imitation of his voice. He facepalmed. Oh, what a mistake that was. With his hand covering his face he failed to see her sneak behind him, therefore only noticing she had moved when she clambered onto his back. “What the—“ he shouted, throwing out his arms to stop himself from toppling over. “Oh my god, your hair is softer than mine!” she exclaimed, wrapping her legs around his neck to keep herself firmly latched onto him while she picked at his hair. “What conditioner do you use?” “Get off me!” he hissed, trying (and failing) to dislodge the girl. “Eeek, you have horns!” she squealed, tugging said horns. As well as trying to balance himself, Agas’s eye was now twitching. Repeatedly. Rhen squealed again and leaned forwards, causing Agas to lost the very little precarious balance he had and fall flat on his face. “Hey, what’re these latch-thingy’s?” apparently Rhen was unscathed, seeing as how she had poor Agas to cushion her fall. She was now undoing the newly found buckles in his armour. “Oh, for the love of—“ Agas groaned, feeling his armour come loose. “Hey, geddup!” she demanded, clambering off his back and using his hair to tug him up. Deciding that if tried to put his armour back on this insane girl would pounce on him, Agas crossed his arms over his chest. Rhen stepped back and gave him a once over before nodding. “Much better” Looking down at his black shirt and then back up at the girl, he raised an eyebrow. “You look like a slinky in that armour” He resisted the urge to facepalm and thus leave himself vulnerable once again. “What the hell is a slinky?” She stared at him like he was crazy, which was quite ironic. “You don’t know what a slinky is?” He shook his head. She paused, thinking this over. “Agas, have you ever eaten cake?” she asked over a moment. “What does that have to do with—“ he began to ask. “Just answer the question” she interrupted him, crossing her arms. “No, I have never eaten cake” “Ever had a lollypop?” “God, no” “Ice-cream?” “No” “…chocolate?” “No” She gave him a look of pure horror before doing something that he would never expect. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. You could practically hear his brain flat lining. “I-I knew serving Ahriman is horrible and all, but I never imagined he could be this cruel!” she blabbered, still holding his frozen form. “I can’t believe—I’m so, so sorry, Agas! I can understand why you’re so screwed up and hate everything now! Chocolate is god’s way of showing he loves us and you’ve never had any!” She pulled away, enough to look him very seriously in the eye. “Agas. Agas, you have to promise me, promise me, that when we get out of here you will have some chocolate. For the sake of your soul, please!” Unfortunately, Agas’s brain was still dead and he couldn’t answer. This alarmed Rhen, as she began shaking him by the shoulders and calling his name while his head lolled back and comical little X’s appeared in his eyes. “Agas! Agas, can you hear me?” she asked in an assertive yet worried tone. The deava in question made an odd gurgling sound. “How many fingers am I holding up?” Another gurgle. “None! Good, we’re cool then!” Gurgle. Twitch. Rhen then saw fit to slap Agas. This gave his brain the kick it needed to struggle back to life. “Huh?“ he managed to choke out. Rhen beamed at him before throwing her arms around his neck once again and gushing about how she was so glad he was alright. It was then that the boulders blocking the entrance exploded in a flash of fire to reveal Rhen’s companions standing in the entrance, Lars in front with his staff raised. Agas managed to pry Rhen away from him and held her out to the shocked party. “You can have the dreamers tear, just take her with you!” Rhen pouted at him. “Meanie” she then dragged herself free of his grip to lean up on her tippy toes and peck him on the cheek. “Bye Agas! Remember, chocolate!” with that, she skipped towards her friends, whose jaws were getting well acquainted with the ground. -o- Three weeks later, Agas sat in a comfy arm chair in Ahriman’s castle looking quite pleased with himself. He had told Ahriman that he had been overpowered by the party and narrowly escaped with his life. Any normal person would expect that the man would have killed him then and there. Instead, he made a peace sign and said ‘don’t worry about it, man’. Agas was now watching Saurva shamelessly flirt with Indra, who was staring at her hair like it was the most interesting thing in the world while Zarich braided it, singing ‘I’m a barbie girl’ under his breathe. Tawrich was curled up in the fetal position, freaking out at the sight of his own limbs while Ahriman told him to ‘chill, dude’. Nearby Aesma was giving Nanghaithya a piggy back. Meanwhile, Agas sipped the only cup of tea that didn’t contain chopped up glowing mushrooms. On the table beside him lay a jar half full of aforementioned fluorescent mushrooms, next to them a heart shaped box of chocolates with the words ‘Use them well. If you mention the mushroom incident to anyone, I will come after you. Love, Rhen’ scrawled across the top. And somewhere out there Rhen was fingering a similar jar whilst watching Lars eat his dinner, smiling evilly. ------The end------ That should give you a pretty good gist of what the rest of these are going to be like. That is, illogical rambling about how everything is An (for infecting me with her pervyness. You'll see) and Deava_Agas (for getting me hooked on AgasxRhen and for some reason, EitheraxSaurva, not to mention making me notice how much fun it is to mess with the Deava's) fault. An example of how half of this is An's fault is this, er, drabble, I suppose. ------Boot Slappin' Mara------ Lars never took Rhen’s favourite technique seriously. I mean, what kind of name is ‘boot slapping mara’? It was ridiculous. So throughout his travels with Rhen, he never feared her when she threatened to ‘Boot Slapping Mara’ him. That is, not until she kept her word and actually did Boot Slapping Mara’d him. Right in the crotch. ------The End------ See what you've done to me, An? You've infected me. Are you happy now? *squint* So that's all for now. I have, like, five others that I haven't completed yet, so I'll finish and post them. Eventually. OH ALSO I DREW SOME PICTURES! Most of them were loosely based off of some of these fics. Very, very loosely. I think I don't know how to spell loosely. Or maybe I'm spelling it right but I think it doesn't look right. Or something. Whatever. I'll get around to posting the pictures eventually. I don't even know where they go. I think I'd post them here? Since it's sorta like fanart for myself? ...except not really because that's just sad. Any way, I'll stop myself rambling and hit that submit button down there that's giving me a strange look because I was typing this last night and then I passed out on my keyboard and then my computer went into hibernate and 12 hours later here we are and I've yet to click the submit button! I'll go do that now.
  10. Thankies! Anyway, I've hit a giant writers block for chapter...4, was it? So, I'm slowly struggling through it, but along with all my schoolwork (I'm a week behind, so imma have to work during the holidays to catch up), my scatter-brained inability to do...stuff, the fact that I can't type that often and my fading activity on AM, the next update will be hellavu lot late. And the ones after that probably won't be regular, since these problems are most likely going to consist for a while. Yeah. Upon reflection, it probably wasn't a good idea to post this and therefore commit myself to continuing it.
  11. I usually like pwetty pics, but...I totally love my currant desktop. (might wanna open in a new tab to read the text...) http://img838.imageshack.us/img838/8467/crackj.jpg[/img] Yes, the only thing I've posted on here with any semblance to crack is Dinnertime, that ranting-thing that came with my pixel hacking in the art gallery and Wicked in all it's glorious flailing for sense and seriousness, as I've done my best to remain a semi-respected member of this community and not litter HBT with crack and fluffy crack and lemony crack and limey crack and cracky crack, even though if I did i'd be a millionare, even if I'd be banned for posting things of a...mature nature (but if D_A can get away with pics of kissing I can get away with possibly and probably graphic kissing scenes by the time I give up fighting off the pervy-ness An is unwittingly (at least I hope it's unwillingly (yes, I just put brackets in brackets (and then I put brackets in brackets in brackets (because I'm awesome like that (okay, I really need to stop now...(good luck remembering what came before the brackets in the brackets in the brackets in the brackets in the brackets in the brackets)))))) inflicted upon me). But my documents is absolutely ridden with all of the types of crack listed above that rant. This desktop inspires me to write gramatically correct (excluding words I made up, such as failsauce, the polar opposite of awesomesauce) crack without shame! So, one day, when you see the thread entitled something along the lines of 'Playpink's crack fics', run for your life or succumb to the glorious, fantastical, nonsensical, comepletely and utterly strange crack! *cackles maniacally* I wish you the very best of luck reading that giant textwall and then making sense of it! *salutes* Oh, and I didn't write the text in that desktop. That wonderful, inspiring speech was by DeGlace on Fanfiction.
  12. Quote: MagykMagus said: She had to realize he wouldn't need her alive forever, so why did she continue to provoke him? I had the strong urge to write a crack post that consisted of Anika dancing, waving her cloak around and singing 'Can't touch this' before disappearing in a swirl of smoke and echoing evil laughter upon reading this.
  13. Anika raised an eyebrow at Antagon before smiling in a disturbing manor. "Well, I'm curious about what group of runts your dear brother has managed to scrounge together, and I'm sure you're absolutely dying to know how your treasured servants are fairing" she smiled sweetly, sarcasm dripping from her voice. With that, she turned around and drew a circle in the air. The air in the circle shimmered, an image slowly emerging from the air. Anika stared at the image for a moment before quickly stroking the air, checking for counter spells (although she was sure she would have felt them before). She shook her head, still staring at the image of 100 Wolfmen being completely decimated by three people she didn't recognize, Protogon and...a Griffin? She let out a low whistle, shaking her head. "Well. This might actually require some effort" she muttered. Sure, she expected Protogon the put up a fight with his recruits, but she didn't expect this. A smirk curled onto her lips. This could be fun... On that ominous thought, she turned heel and walked away, leaving the image in the air. ((...yeah. Anika is a stalker ^^))
  14. Tasha might need to be healed, though she could make due. I think I'll put up a quick post for Anika, seeing as how I've nothing to do with Tasha and/or Avarea...
  15. ROLFMAO...That...is so...crackish. I love crack. *beams*
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