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pinkjaguar12

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pinkjaguar12 last won the day on August 4 2017

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About pinkjaguar12

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  1. pinkjaguar12

    Orbs of Magic (or laughing) - A Parody

    Well, darn. I guess it's time for me to actually reply to this thread, if it's not already dead and buried by now XD As you can see, it has been a whole year since my last update. Since then, I have gone to college and am having the time of my life. Unfortunately, along with college comes work and exhaustion, thus the reason I haven't updated this in so long. Along with that is the problem of me switching computers. I still have the original save files I was using for this fiction, thank goodness, but they are currently on another computer back home. Until I actually have a chance to transfer them over to this one, this fiction is dead in the water. I started this out as a fun little parody, and I desperately don't want to see it die. If anyone is still out there and actually wants to see more of this, let me know! If not, I will still update it, don't worry. I just can't guarantee any specific date when it will come out. For all I know, it won't be until next summer, or it will be next week. The best I can say right now is thank you so much to all of you who actually read the darn thing and enjoyed it. Thanks for being so patient with me, and hopefully, one day, there will be an update.
  2. pinkjaguar12

    Orbs of Magic (or laughing) - A Parody

    awww, thanks I'll try and post an update soon - can't believe it's been so long!
  3. pinkjaguar12

    Orbs of Magic (or laughing) - A Parody

    OMG GUYS I'M BACK! Okay, so my summer has been crazy. Since I last updated I graduated high school, went to Tanzania on a summer trip, and packed for college, where I'm going in less than a week! So I tried to make this one a bit longer than the rest to make up for lost time. I'll try to keep this updated more, but with school starting.....we'll see. I know I'm going to finish it, so don't worry about that! BTW, please let me know what I should do a fanfic of next, and what kind of fanfic you'd like to see! Later, in a cabin in the woods – Mel: Well, this obviously doesn’t have some mean nasty thing hiding away in it. Author: Well, go on. Mel: Alright. *Mel enters the cabin* MGRC: GET HER!!! Mel: Oh noes, I’m so surprised. MGRC: You’re coming with me now, Mel. You can finally become the queen you’ve always wanted. Mel: You mean I can have that awesome feeling I did with the magic again? MGRC: Yes…I guess. Mel: YIPPEE! Later, in a creepy room – Yemite: I am your personal servant, Mel. Mel: Alright, go tell Edward “I told him so” and tell him to come and save me…or at least try. Yemite: As you wish. *Yemite disappears* *Nox appears* Nox: Enjoying ourselves, are we? Mel: NOX WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SHOWING UP OUT OF THE BLUE LIKE THAT?!?!? Nox: Relax. I’m just making sure you’re comfortable/giving you exposition that the players need. Mel: What exposition? Nox: Oh, nothing. Just that you’re going to spend an eternity in a demon realm and meet a cranky bad oracle and might never come back alive. Mel: WHAT?! Nox: I mean, sleep well! *Nox leaves* Later, back in Velderah – Stella: EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD!! EWHEACN: Stella?! What is it? Stella: GyendalkidnappedmeandusedmeasleveragetocaptureMelandnowhe’sgotherinademonrealmandwe’vegottosaveher!!!! EWHEACN: What? Stella: WE HAVE TO SAVE MEL! EWHEACN: Alright, stay here. This looks like a job for me. Stella: Um, and me. I’m her friend too! EWHEACN: Well, yea, but, no offense Stella, but you haven’t exactly “proved your worth” over the past few games, have you? Stella: What do you mean?! EWHEACN: Well, let’s see….you were possessed by the orb last time we had it, then – Stella: I’m still her friend. Also the author wants us to eventually get together. EWHEACN: I’m sorry? Stella: Nothing. Long story short, I’m coming with you. EWHEACN: Fine, let’s just get going. Later, in Sedona – EWHEACN: Hello? Are there any vampires in here? Tei’jal: OH THANK GOD, you’re back. Galahad has shut himself up in his chambers and now I have no one to complain to about my HORRIBLE human ways but now you’ve come to free from this torment, and what a torment it is, can you actually believe that my teeth now have grounded flats so I can eat something green and leafy called lettuce? It’s absolutely wretched, and – EWHEACN: Tei’jal we’re not here to talk about your human transformation. We’re here about Mel. Tei’jal: Oh, her. GALAHAD! IT’S FOR YOU! *Galahad enters* Galahad: What seems to be the problem, fine gentleman? Is it that this lovely lady on your arm needs another to protect her? *Stella scowls* EWHEACN: Actually, it’s Mel that needs protecting. She’s been taken by Gyendal. *Tei’jal laughs* Stella: It’s not very funny, you know! Tei’jal: Gyendal? My idiot brother? What’s he planning on doing with Mel – tickling her to death? Galahad: He plans to torture the helpless maiden?! We must leave at once! Tei’jal: Galahad you can’t just go running off! I haven’t even told what being human has done to my hair! Galahad: Then I command you to go! You are my wife, you must obey me! Tei’jal: Oh, you were so hot back when you were complaining about being a vampire. Now you’re just boring. Galahad: Well, what are you waiting for? Follow them! You must do as I say! You are but a poor helpless creature and I am your guardian and I therefore tell you to do as I – *Galahad suddenly falls over with a thump. Stella stands behind him, a frying pan in her hands* Stella: What? He was freaking me out! Tei’jal: Whatever, he’s more exciting this way than awake. But have I told you what happened last time I tried to drink blood? Poor Galahad didn’t want to give any of his, of course, and my teeth are so stubbly that I couldn’t pierce his neck, but I merely stuck a needle into it and you know what that blood did to me? IT GAVE ME INDIGESTION! EWHEACN: Tei’jal, we really are trying to help Mel here. Tei’jal: You know who would really love to hear about my story? THE KING! He takes complaints of his kingdom and everything, please take this letter to him, it explains everything, from the time I tried to eat a lamb raw to the time when I realized my hair actually started growing again and I needed it cut! *Edward sighs and takes the letter* Later, at the castle: King: Thank you for the letter we look forward to hearing about your life in the kingdom we wish you all the best and many babies blah blah blah. EWHEACN: Sir, we were wondering if you could help us. We have this friend…. King: My good sir, this is an RPG I shall only help you if you help me solve my Rapunzel like problem. EWHEACN: You’re having trouble eating lettuce sir? My friend has that too…. King: No, no, it’s a…ah, nevermind. Look, we need to solve the mystery of where our daughter is. She was stolen years ago as a baby. EWHEACN: Oh, her? She’s over in Velderah. She says hi. King: Oh. Well, then, I’ll send a royal parade of troops with you to help your friend out. Stella: *whispers* Edward, this wasn’t in the game. EWHEACN: It’s a heck of a lot better than Galahad. Stella: Valid point.
  4. pinkjaguar12

    Orbs of Magic (or laughing) - A Parody

    New update! I actually have yet another one in progress, but it's not quite done yet (trying to find the new goodies caves). Later, in Shadwood Academy – Headmaster: This is Shadwood Academy. May I help you? Mel: AHAHHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HE FOUND ME EDWARD GET RID OF HIM!!!!!! Headmaster: What’s wrong with her? EWNLPAKHNALCD: You look like someone she’s trying to avoid. *to Mel* Mel, it’s fine, he’s not actually Ulf. Mel: *peeks around Edward* What? Headmaster: Oh, you must be talking about my twin brother! Yes, we both look very similar, and we both have similar jobs, but we are completely separate people, don’t worry. EWNLPAKHNALCD: We’ve come to enroll in the school. I’m a fighter and Mel’s a – Mel: I’m a fighter too! EWNLPAKHNALCD: Mel, no you’re not, you’re a – Mel: I’m totally a fighter, don’t listen to him, not quite right in the head. Fell in love with a star and everything…. Headmaster: Oh, well, two classes for fighters, coming right up. EWNLPAKHNALCD: *to Headmaster* But she really is a magician, you know that right? Headmaster: Two classes for fighters. Here you go! *winks at Edward* Mel: Great, let’s get going. *Looks at ticket* WAIT A SECOND HE GAVE ME MAGICIAN HE KNOWS! HE’LL TELL HIS BROTHER AND…..!!!!! EDWARDDDDD! EWNLPAKHNALCD: Mel, relax and take your classes. Later – Professor: Now we must channel your inner magic! Mel: Um, well, here’s the thing. *four bushes around Mel suddenly burst into flame* Mel: WHERE IS THE ESCAPED CHICKEN!?!?!? WHERE IS HE? Professor: Mel, we all know you did this. Just accept it for once. Just feel the magic inside your core. *Mel pauses, thinking about it* Mel: You’re right. Professor: Yes, see, that’s it! Channel it up and you’ll feel fine. Mel: No, I feel better than fine. Magic…can’t you feel it? MAGIC IS AMAZING. Professor: Now, Mel, calm down. Mel: No, this stuff is awesome! Magic isn’t fine, it’s not awesome, it’s…it’s like I’m addicted to it. Like I’m INVINCIBLE. Professor: Mel, stop talking this way or I’ll – Mel: You’ll what?! Call the authorities? I AM SO MUCH MORE AWESOME THAN YOU YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IT. ACTUALLY, I’m just going to leave. I’m gonna go smite Ulf. K THX BAAA – *A massive explosion racks the school* Professor: Um, Mel? EWNLPAKHNALCD: MEL WHAT DID YOU DO?!?! Mel: I didn’t do anything! Where’d all these monsters come from!??!? EWNLPAKHNALCD: It doesn’t matter now, let’s go pwn their behinds!!!! *EPIC BATTLE COMMENCES* *EPIC BATTLE PREVAILS!* EWNLPAKHNALCD: I’d better go. Stay out or trouble, okay? Mel: Alright. *Mel returns to her room* Mel: Oh, look, an ominous threatening message written on the wall. What is that, demon blood? *Mel sighs* Mel: I’d better tell Edward. *Mel finds Edward* Mel: Edward, we have to leave. The demons were after me. EWNLPAKHNALCD: Don’t be silly, we’ve only just got here. Mel: EDWARD, we need to leave BOTH of us. EWNLPAKHNALCD: That other girl’s probably behind this one. Mel: Edward if we don’t both leave at this precise moment, I’m gonna do something stupid, and then you’re going to have to rescue me, but when you do I’ll have slowly gone bad, and you’ll have to fight me then fight my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather and then – EWNLPAKHNALCD: Forget it, Mel. Just go back to bed. Mel: EDWARD YOU ARE BEING SO UNCHARACTERISTIACLLY NOT LIKE YOU THAT THE AUTHOR MIGHT ACTUALLY CHANGE YOUR NAME!!!! Edward who has earned a changed name (EWHEACN): What? Mel: UGH. Just never mind. *Mel storms off to her room and finds a note* Mel: (reading) I believe you. Leave the city and tell no one where you are going. Mel: Well, this isn’t the most obvious trap ever invented. Author: You have to go, you know. Mel: Oh, I know. I think I’m gonna go, just to spite Edward. Author: That’s the spirit.
  5. pinkjaguar12

    Orbs of Magic (or laughing) - A Parody

    New update, new game! We are now officially in The Darkthrop Prophecy, and officially reaching the home stretch. While I post these, please let me know what other stories you'd like to see from me! I've done full out drama and complete fun romp. Something in between perhaps? Enjoy! Somewhere Far Away – MGRC: My fellow darklings, it is time we take over the world of light and rule it for ourselves! *One lone darkling sits in the back of the room with a bowl of popcorn* Darkling: GET OFF THE STAGE! MGRC: *groans* I’m not on a stage, I’m trying to rally my troops! Darkling: People stopped caring about your act, like, two games ago. Get a life. MGRC: I had one! And that meddlesome girl took it away! Darkling: Whatever, dude. I’m getting out of here. This show’s boring. MGRC: But I haven’t even gotten into the juicy details of my plan yet! Darkling: See you later, loser! *The darkling starts to leave, but is blocked by an unseen force* Darkling: Hey, man, not cool! MGRC: It’s not me! Evil Plot Twister in the Shadows (EPTIS): Mwahahaha….Gyendal…you have failed me. MGRC: Who the heck are you? EPTIS: It’s not important. What’s important now is that we get the girl, and obviously you’re not very GOOD AT THAT. MGRC: Give me another chance, come on! EPTIS: NO. You will follow my orders exactly if we are ever to get anything done. Go forth. Find the girl. Bring her to me. MGRC: Fine. Can I at least keep a darkling as a pet? *EPTIS glares at Gyendal* MGRC: Fine, fine fine….. Somewhere else, equally far away and under some vines – Mel: *yawns* Yvette: MEL MEL MEL WE NEED SOME FLIES FOR THE MAYOR’S BIRTHDAY UP UP UP IT’S A BIG DAYYYYYYYYYY Mel: Pipe down! It’s hard enough hiding out from the village, let alone the entire world. Yvette: OKAY BUT PLEASE PICK UP SOME FLIES THANKS BAIIII Mel: That bird is weird. Yvette: I HEARD THAT! Later, in Blueleaf Forest – Mel: Hmmm, a fly that isn’t moving and is conveniently placed in an area where there is only one space available to walk in. I wonder what will happen when I approach it? *Mel takes the fly. Two darklings appear out of nowhere!!* Mel: Oh noes, I am so surprised. Darklings: We have come to take you home! Mel: Ugh, get off me. Say, this place you guys are taking me to, it doesn’t happen to have some gold there, does it? Darklings: Yes, mistress, all the gold you could ever desire! Mel: Oh, sweet! Take me to it! Edward Who is No Longer a Prince but is Actually Kinda Heroic Now and the Author Likes his Character Development (EWNLPAKHNALCD): Fear not, fair maiden, I shall RESCUE YOU!!! *Edward kills the darklings* Mel: EDWARD FOR GOSH SAKES! EWNLPAKHNALCD: What, I saved you! Mel: Those guys had money! I could have finally walked away clean! No more hiding! Do you have any idea how much stress I‘ve been under these past few months?! Those darklings could have solved all my problems! EWNLPAKHNALCD: Mel, those darklings were going to kill you. Mel: WHO CARES?! I would have gotten my money! EWNLPAKHNALCD: Mel, this is just a side effect of your magic. That’s why I’m here! See? I brought guests! *Two strangers enter, in nice shiny robes* Stranger 1: Hmm, she’ll do. Stranger 2: The force is strong in this one. Stranger 1: *coughes* Wrong movie. Stranger 2: Oh, right. Well, Edward, I guess you’re end of the deal is solid. Come along, Mel. Mel: Wait, what? I’m not going anywhere unless it has money! Who are you guys?! *EPIC MUSIC STARTS* Stranger 1: I am a teacher at the Shadwood Academy in Velderah. A very long time ago your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother went there. She saved the world. Mel: Wait, I thought I was related to the Darkthrops…. Stranger 2: You’re related to both! See how family trees in Aveyond work? Mel: No, I – Stranger 1: Anyhoo, we’re here to take you there and train you. You do have magic, do you not? Mel: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. NOT SO LOUD! Stranger 2: Well, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, really… Mel: You’re idiots. All of you. Do you have any idea the trouble I’m currently in? Stranger 2: Nothing that the Academy can’t fix! Right this way, Mel! Mel: I’m not going anywhere with you guys! EWNLPAKHNALCD: Mel, you’ve almost burned down the village with your raw powers – Mel: THAT WAS AN ESCAPED CHICKEN, NOT ME – *Three bushes around Mel burst into flames* Stranger 1: See, this is what happens. Let us help you. Mel: I need gold, not training. EWNLPAKHNALCD: Mel, they could train you so that you could blast Ulaf out of the sky. Mel: No more owed money? EWNLPAKHNALCD: *smiles* Not a cent. Mel: I believe you’ve just got yourselves a new student.
  6. pinkjaguar12

    Attacks and Terrorism - Why Does it Exist?

    @venusmoon /i appreciate you putting your opinion out there, but I can hardly understand you (one massive run-on sentence?). Are you saying that, because you believe there is no god, the people who do terrorism because they believe in god are stupid?
  7. pinkjaguar12

    Attacks and Terrorism - Why Does it Exist?

    As much as it pains me to admit it, you're right about the congress thing. Oh well, I guess we can settle for better gun control laws......oh wait. It's kind of sad, but I am hoping that this bombing turns out to be domestic. We really don't need another overseas skirmish going on. And you're right. We want the world to be one perfect place, but the awful thing is there are people out there who strongly believe that America (and other places) are inherently evil. I guess we could try and work on changing our own image into one more of peace and prosperity (like it was originally supposed to be), and not one of red white blue bigotry redneck gun toters (I am, obviously, exaggerating )
  8. pinkjaguar12

    Attacks and Terrorism - Why Does it Exist?

    I think it's events like Boston that make you step back and think about how it could have been prevented. And honestly, unless they were screening every single person who came within a few miles and had helicopters flying overhead - even then you probably wouldn't have been able to stop it. I guess you can talk about how beefing security up is a good solution, b/c it protects and saves a lot of lives. But what about, alongside that, beefing up diplomatic discussions with the people who hate our guts? What about beefing up funding for proper medical care for those who are mentally unstable? Security beef is amazing, don't get me wrong, but I feel like there's only so much it can do.
  9. DISCLAIMER - This topic is a bit serious and sad, so if you want happiness and rainbows and puppies, click this link! Happiness! Rainbows! Puppies! In light of the Boston (supposed) attacks today, I decided to start a topic about terrorism. Why does it happen? What can we do other than to fight back? I'm curious to see what others think, considering we are all from all over the world. I, personally, am from America, and it sickens me some of the stuff we do. But at the same time, it sickens me some of the stuff other people do to get back at us. I feel like we as a country are like a kid on the playground, who wants everyone to be friends but can also be mean and nasty. What do you think? (Please mention your country for reference )
  10. pinkjaguar12

    Orbs of Magic (or laughing) - A Parody

    Final one for The Lost Orb! Next time I'll be moving on to TDP! Later, in Acropolis – EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Alright, we’ve got the mirror. We should rest while we’re here. Mel’s looking a bit better. Hercules: Oh, hello my wonderful fans! How are you this fine evening? *Mel wakes up* Mel: Did I just hear Hercules? EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Yea, he’s over there being an idiot. Mel: Is that a mirror? EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Yes, but we need it for – Mel: Oh Hercules!!! I have something for you! Hercules: Why hello, good citizen. What is this you have here? Mel: I saw this sculptor in town, and he was making a bust of you. But I swear that what he has created is NOTHING like what you look like in real life. Hercules: He has insulted my beauty? Where is he?! Mel: Just in here. In the Sculptor’s House – Hercules: Excuse me, sir, but I have been informed you have been creating false images of me. Sculptor: I hope not, dear Hercules! Hercules: But…wait. This bust looks completely normal and handsome! *When Hercules isn’t looking, Mel draws a long nose on the mirror* Hercules: Give me that mirror, good citizen. *Hercules looks in the mirror and screams* Hercules: I’M HIDEOUS!!!!!!! *EWFRPSGNBIDHG appears* EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Mel, come on, you’ve had your fun, let’s get going. *Mel leaves, laughing* Later, in the Stonetooth Caves - Mel: Alright, we’ve got the mirror. Now what? EWFRPSGNBIDHG: You seriously still can’t figure this out? Mel: Shut up, Edward. Spook: You’ve got to hold it up like this. *Spook holds up the mirror and walks forward. Edward sees a glimpse of Spook’s reflection in it.* Spook: See? No more lions! Mel: Wow, Spook, that was really…um…amazing and brave. EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Mel, there’s something I need to tell you. Mel: Not now, Edward. *to Spook* So what do we do next? Spook: Keep going to the next room. *Edward grabs Spook’s sleeve and pulls him to the side* EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Don’t think I don’t know who you are, Spook. I saw your reflection – or should I say, lack of one? Spook: What are you going to do, Edward? Tell on me to Mel? She won’t believe you. She’ll just think you’re having another one of your weird moments. EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Mel has weird moments too. Spook: Everyone does, prince. Just know that I have an epic plan in place. You’ll get your revelation soon enough. *They go into the next room* Mel: Ugh, this door is too thick to burst through. Ulf: We’ll have to get some acid. Mel: To eat through the door? Ulf: Yea, um…yes, that’s exactly what we’ll use it for. *Ulf winks at Edward* EWFRPSGNBIDHG: *aside* Are you lying, Ulf? Ulf: First time for everything. Later, back in Stonetooth Caves – EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Right, let’s use this acid on the, um…on the door! *Ulf takes out the acid* *Ulf uses POUR ACID ON SPOOK* *It’s VERY EFFECTIVE* Spook: AHHH!!!!! YOU IDIOTS!!!!! Mel: Ulf, what did you just DO?!?! Ulf: What had to be done. Look at him, Mel! *Spook uses TURN INTO GYENDAL!* *It’s EFFECTIVE! IN FREAKING PEOPLE OUT!* Mel: Spook, you little – Spook who is really Gyendal who is really the Mysterious guy in the Red Cloak (SIRGIRMGRC): MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Got you now! Mel: You’re telling me…..you’re telling me that I almost fell in love with you?! SIRGIRMGRC: You silly mortal. You fell for it the whole time, didn’t you? Even your daughter from the future couldn’t save you! Now you shall die! Mel: You made me almost fall in love with you. SIRGIRMGRC: Ummm, no duh! Mel: You made me almost LOSE THE FLOOR IN MY CASTLE because of you?! Ulf: Um, you might want to duck. SIRGIRMGRC: You heard the orc, Mel. Say goodbye to your – Ulf: Nooo, I meant you. SIRGIRMGRC: Wait, what? *Mel uses TRIES TO CUT GYENDAL’S HEAD OFF* *It’s NOT VERY EFFECTIVE* *Gyendal uses ONE HIT WIPEOUT* *It’s SUPER EFFECTIVE* Mel: GET OFF OF ME! I can’t die, I still need to unseat Lydia and take back the floor of my castle!!!! SIRGIRMGRC: Too bad, Mel. Honestly, we could have been together. You and me. WE could have run away, lived as thieves. Instead, here we are. Hmmm, I wonder what would happen if I use you to activate this orb and kill all your friends? I’m sure nothing could go- Ulf: I wouldn’t do that if I were – SIRGIRMGRC: SHUT UP! *Gyendal attempts to activate the orb. Suddenly, Mel stands up, looking down at her hands. Mel: Oh. My. God. SIRGIRMGRC: *hisses* She has magic! EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Mel, you have magic! Ulf: I TOLD you guys! Mel: I have magic. Oh my god, I have magic. Ulf: Mel, use it on Gyendal! Mel: I HAVE MAGIC THIS IS SO NOT GOOD EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Mel, for goodness sake. *to everyone* CHARGE!!!! *EPIC BATTLE COMMENCES* *EPIC BATTLE SUCCEEDS!!!!!!* SIRGIRMGRC: You haven’t seen the last of me! I’ll get you, my pretty! And your little orb too! *Mel falls to the floor and groans* EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Mel, are you okay? Mel: Of course I’m not okay, Edward! Ulf: It’s a side-effect of finding your magic. Mel: No it’s not, you idiotic orc. *Mel sighs* Mel: Does anyone happen to have 2 million gold coins on them?
  11. pinkjaguar12

    Orbs of Magic (or laughing) - A Parody

    yea, I figured. i've tried to simplify them down a lot from how many i had before. basically Edward's the only constant acronym, but I throw a few in
  12. pinkjaguar12

    Orbs of Magic (or laughing) - A Parody

    So, this one's short. I'm still continuing it. I'm basically trying to wrap up some side quests before I get to the finale of TLO (and I'm trying to make sure I'm not missing any scenes to parody). Later, in Shoal Leiu – EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Hercules, for goodness sakes, NOBODY LIKES YOU. Just get out! Hercules: I’m here to rid the village of pixies! Hey, can you rid the village of pixies while I go look at myself in a mirror for hours on end? KTHXBAI!!!!! EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Wait, come back! Ulf: It seems we must defeat these pixies if we are to continue with our quest. EWFRPSGNBIDHG: We don’t need to clear out the pixies, we need to get Mel to Acropolis! Ulf: Yes, but the pixies bite people and terrorize them. The moral and logical thing to do would be to rid the village of – EWFRPSGNBIDHG: I DON’T CARE what the logical or moral thing to do is. IF we don’t get Mel to Acropolis this little voice in my head will keep nagging me, and she’s getting ANNOYING. Nox: Well, SORRY if I want my mother to live so that I can actually exist! Spook: I say we stay. EWFRPSGNBIDHG: WHY?! Don’t you have some massive crush on Mel? I thought you would be the one to encourage us to get going. Spook: To get rid of the pixies we need to go back to the mainland. And if we go there we can get some help for Mel. Anyway, getting her away from Eldrion is probably the best thing to do at this point, given her behavior earlier. Nox: *to Edward* Don’t listen to him! EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Shut it, voice in my head! I think you’re right, Spook. Let’s head back to the mainland. Nox: You fool! *Spook grins* Later, in Stormbend – EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Alright, this seems like a safe enough place. Let’s go and find an inn. Spook: No. I know a better place to stay. EWFRPSGNBIDHG: And where is that? Spook: It’s out in the woods. Um….it’s a cabin in the woods. Nice, quaint, quiet. Mel could recover there. Nox: Don’t listen to him, idiot! He’s trying to lure you to – EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Shut it, voice. Spook, I don’t know. That inn over there looks okay to me. Spook: Yea, but this place is better than that! Nox: Don’t listen to him!!! Ulf: CAN WE QUIT ARGUING ABOUT WHERE WE’RE GOING, MEL IS GETTING HEAVY!!!!! Later, in Witchwood – EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Um, Spook. This doesn’t look like a safe cabin in the woods, it looks like the house of a witch. Spook: It’s long been abandoned. Ulf: *reads sign* Heptitus… Wait, isn’t that – Spook: YEP! *Spook shoves everyone inside, grabs Mel, shuts the door and locks it, then runs off* Ulf: SPOOK YOU JUST CAUSED THE PLOT OF TDP TO COME FIVE MONTHS EARLY DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!!!!!!!!!!! EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Forget it, Ulf. Right now we’ve got bigger problems. *A dark shadow looms* * EWFRPSGNBIDHG uses SEE WHAT IT IS!* *It’s super effective!* EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Oh. A table. How uneventful. Ulf: I TOLD you Heptitus was dead! EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Fine, whatever. Now we have to worry about Mel. Ulf: Oh yea, right. Um…. Author: Guys, for goodness sakes, I leave for two minutes and you’ve already messed everything up. Ulf: Um, what? Who’s talking? Author: Oh just…..*groans and mumbles under her breath* I’ll put you back here….and you here…..and this never happened here……THERE! Everything’s back to normal. *Spook appears, carrying unconscious Mel* EWFRPSGNBIDHG: NORMAL?! Spook is still here and Mel’s still knocked out! How does this help?! Author: Because the hilarity that will ensue when Spook reveals who he – I MEAN when the end game happens is too much to miss, and I can’t skip that. BTW, you’re back on Eldrion now. You never left. *Author disappears into a puff of smoke* EWFRPSGNBIDHG: WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED?! Ulf: Well, I’m pretty sure the author of this whole series just put us back a couple minutes so we couldn’t mess anything - Everyone: SHUT UP!
  13. pinkjaguar12

    Orbs of Magic (or laughing) - A Parody

    Alright, here you go! Now, this one's a bit different. It's still the classic funny stuff, but I'm trying to build up just a tiny bit of suspense so the next game will be at least halfway interesting. It's also my inner writer coming through: even something hilarious has to have stakes and drama in it! Enjoy Granite Mountains – Mel: SERIOUSLY?! We’re fighting rocks now?! Now the game creators are just getting lazy. Later, in Shoal Leiu – Mysterious Guy in Cloak who is NOT Gyendal (MGICWING): Hey, hey you. You wanna buy some weapons? Mel: Okay, what do you have? MGICWING: I’ll show you……for 100 gold coins. Mel: You’re charging 100 gold coins for us to browse? MGICWING: A guy’s got to make a profit somehow! Mel: 100 gold coins. Seriously? MGICWING: Just fork it over and you can upgrade your armor and I can buy a new cloak. It’s a great deal, honestly. Mel: You know what? I’m not even going to complain. Here’s the 100 bucks. *Mel gives MGICWING 100 gold coins* MGICWING: YIPPEE NOW I GET TO GO ON A SHOPPING SPREE!!!!!!! *MGICWING runs off* Mel: Yea, have fun buying some bread and a rusty dagger to cut it with! Later, in Peliad – Mel: Ooh, lookie! A letter from Tei’jal! Everyone Else: Mel, this is not the time for - Tei’jal: Dear Mel, HOW THE HECK CAN YOU STAND BEING HUMAN IT IS ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE. I have compiled a list of things I hate about it. Everyone Else: Mel, the world could literally end at any second, we need to- Tei’jal: I try and sleep on the floor, but Galahad becomes an insufferable gentleman and places me into bed. I hate him so. I am also not strong enough to use my bows, so I enclose in this package one of my old trustworthy bows for your use. Mel: OH MY GOD GUYS I CAN FINALLY KILL THE MOTHS!!!! Tei’jal: PYSCH! I hate the smell of cheese and the sea and my bows reek of death, so I’m keeping my bow so I can inhale their sweet scent every day. Postman: Would you like to write a response to Tei’jal? Mel: Yes, I’d like to write a response. Exactly how many bad words can I use? Postman: Um, well, you can write a nice response of a mean – Mel: Can I please have some paper? Postman: Um, okay. *Mel writes a letter and hands it to the postman* *He reads it and faints* EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Um, Mel, did you have something to do with that? Mel: Sheesh. SOMEONE’S never been to Harburg. Later, in the Stonetooth Caverns – EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Oh my gosh, some stone statues that shoot lasers at you whenever we pass by. Mel, any ideas? Mel: *smirking* I think we need Spook to help us out. EWFRPSGNBIDHG: But this puzzle seems so simple, Mel. Are you sure you can’t figure it out? Mel: No, we need Spook. EWFRPSGNBIDHG: *through clenched teeth* Are you absolutely 100% positive you cannot ever possibly fathom understanding this puzzle? Mel: *nods head* Yep. Ulf: Mel, you literally just walk by holding a mir- Mel: HowaboutyougysjustwaithereI’llberightback! Later, in Peliad – Mel: Oh hey, Spook, I didn’t know you would be here! Spook: Well, I’ve just sort of been hanging out here ever since you dumped- Mel: SoIwaswonderingifyoumaybekindawantedtocomealongonourquest? Spook: I’m sorry? Mel: Um, well, I mean, Edward’s being kinda boring, and Yvette is pointless and Ulf doesn’t exist in my mind, and I thought you might be good for some company - I MEAN some cleverness and thievery. Spook: Where are your friends? Mel: Waiting back in the caves for me. Spook: How about it, Mel. you and me, on the run. Forget about this stupid quest. Mel: Spook, if I don’t solve this thing, the entire world will explode. Spook: Mel, you have literally spent almost fifteen years game time running around the world doing absolutely nothing, and the last massive thing you did was grow a beanstalk. Mel: Yea? So?! Spook: So how about you and me go off on our own. We could become partners and we could thieve to our hearts content, and when we have enough money we’ll retire and I will kill you. Mel: I’m sorry, what? Spook: I meant, um, I will MARRY you! Mel: Well, that does sound very tempting. And you ARE really attractive. Nox: *hisses* Mel! What are you doing?! Mel: Oh, no. Give me a minute, okay Spook? *to Nox* WHAT THE SAM HECK ARE YOU DOING HERE DIDN’T I TELL YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE?! Nox: This is one time that you don’t know the outcome of everything. Ulf isn’t here, so I have to fill in. Mel: He’s attractive, he’s handsome, he’s a thief, the author was once completely smitten with him at one point – Nox: HE JUST SAID THAT HE WILL KILL YOU WHEN HE GETS YOU ALONE! Mel: Yea, but doesn’t that just add to his sweetness? Nox: MEL! Snap out of it! Mel: Why should I? Nox: Because I – because I’ll tell Edward! Mel: And why should he care? Nox: Because if he ever becomes King again and he knows what you’ve done, he won’t give you your floor in the castle back! Mel: WHAT?!?!?! HE CAN’T TAKE AWAY MY FLOOR!!! Nox: Well he will if you cheat on him! Have you never read Anna Karenina?! Spook: Um, Mel, is everything okay? Mel: Yes, Spook, everything is fine. I’m just talking to my future daughter who is invisible about how my fiancée will take away the floor in his castle that really belongs to me if I run away with you. Spook: What? Mel: I can’t come with you. Did you say you knew how to get past the mirror lions? Spook: Yea, with a mirr- Mel: Alright, come along, you have to come meet my friends. Later, in Ashera’s Tomb – *The party enters the tomb* Nox: Go right, that’s the way to Underfall. Mel: We’re going to Acropolis, Nox. It’s a nice pretty town completely free from demons. Nox: Your darklings await you there. You should go. Mel: Since when have you tried to lure me towards the dark side, Nox? EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Mel, who are you talking to? Mel: *To Edward* MYSELF! *To Nox* Nox, weren’t you literally dissuading me from going off and doing my own thing? Nox: Oh, but this time it isn’t. This time it’s the game creators. This time it’s the overall plot that none of us can change. Mel: I’m pretty sure we already changed it, like, five hundred times, but fine. Where am I going? Nox: To Underfall. You’ll love it there. Later, in Underfall – Random Darkling: You look familiar…. Mel: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Nox: Tell her you are, Mel. You know you want to. Mel: NOX! You were never like this when I first met you! What has gotten INTO YOU?! EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Mel, are you okay? Mel: Of course I’m not okay! Nox is tempting me to the dark side, this darkling seems to think I’m some sort of long-lost queen, Spook is laughing at – SPOOK! Why are you laughing at me?! Spook: No reason. EWFRPSGNBIDHG: I think it’s time we got you somewhere nice and safe and calm. Which way is Acropolis? Mel: I’M FINE, EDWARD. Just tell Nox to shut up! EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Mel, who the heck is Nox? Mel: SHE’S MY FUTURE DAUGHTER THAT I’M SUPPOSED TO HAVE AFTER ALL THIS IS OVER AND I HAVE BECOME QUEEN OF THE DARKL- *Ulf knocks Mel over the head with his axe. She falls over, unconscious* EWFRPSGNBIDHG: ULF! Ulf: WHAT?! She was freaking me out! EWFRPSGNBIDHG: Oh, whatever. Let’s just get her to Acropolis. Nox: Be careful with her, Edward. You may one day be the only hope of her ever returning to herself and getting her awesome shoes back. EWFRPSGNBIDHG: What? What did you say? Ulf: Who, me? EWFRPSGNBIDHG: No, nothing. It was nothing. Let’s get going. I don’t like this place.
  14. pinkjaguar12

    Orbs of Magic (or laughing) - A Parody

    I think it's really sad that, as a writer, I set goals for myself and then never accomplish them. Here's a goal: next week is my Spring Break. And I promise that, by the end of it, I will have finished The Lost Orb in my fan fic Sound good? Alright. Let's get rolling.
  15. pinkjaguar12

    Orbs of Magic (or laughing) - A Parody

    okay, so i know i haven't gotten on here in, like, two months, but now that i'm in college and i basically have nothing to do with my life, i figured i'd get back on here. it's currently 1 am where i am, so i'm gonna get some sleep and tomorrow (hopefully) I will post some more!
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