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Rena

Romantic Advice?

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Man do I feel weird asking for it. Sigh.

 

'Kay. So here's the thing. What with being a teenager and all, I am, as a general rule, kind of surrounded by relationships and the desire to have them and such.

 

So there's this boy. And I sound cliche. But I do kind of like him.

 

So here are my problems.

1. The school year is definitely ending in about a week and a half.

2. He may or may not be going out with someone else, but there's no way for me to find out without asking someone.

3. If I were to go and ask him out, it would be my first time doing so. And I really don't want to have my first/only such experience to end badly.

4. Even without the problem of his possibly having a girlfriend, our personalities might not necessarily click. I'm a fairly quiet and responsible (seeming) type, and he is one of those guys that tends to be known for acting like in idiot. (In that his vocabulary includes a lot of sarcasm. Of which I am a fan.)

 

So I keep wondering if I should just man up and give asking him out a shot or just let it go. I mean, I could definitely do the latter--it's how I've gotten through every other crush. But I'm just thinking that at some point or another, I'm going to be getting into relationships, and now is just as good a time to start as any. (Except for the problem where school is ending soon and I feel stupid for putting off this decision for so long argh.)

 

Anyway. I'd like to ask you all for your opinions on the matter. BTW, if you'd like to call this boy anything, I'd go with Terry. It's what my friends and I call him in conversation.

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@rena: firstly, are you going to be able to have any contact with him after school? Seems pointless to start something now when school's bout to end if you guys won't be able to meet up during the summer.

 

Now next bit: are you into him enough to possibly make a fool of yourself and/or get rejected? Or are you just ~eh about it and just want to see what the big deal is?

 

If its the former, by all means go for it. The worst that can happen is you get rejected. Live and learn yeah?

 

If its the latter, don't. half hearted relationships = no good experience.

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Well, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be home all summer, so assuming all goes well in the hypothetical asking out, we'd probably be fine on that front. I don't actually know his plans for the summer, though. But again, this is really not an issue I can subtly bring up.

 

The big problem with your second point there is that I really honestly just don't know. Being the relationship novice that I am, all I can say is that I'm pretty sure that this is one of the longest lasting crushes I've had and definitely more likely to go somewhere than any of the others.

 

I might try and ask some of my friends IRL who've had relationships before, but I tend to get, like, ridiculously awkward. (I'd ask one of my closer friends, but most of them have had little to no experience in the field, so they're not quite as helpful here.)

 

Good thing I've got another three days of weekend to dwell on my feelings, huh? Lol.

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I think it'd be good to ask him near the end of the school year. That way if you DO get rejected, you won't feel awkward being around him in school.

My boyfriends very sarcastic and I'm pretty quiet. We've been together for 5 years.

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Oh Rena, I have so been there (back in the dark ages when we rode dinosaurs to school). I went through this with my kids, and still do with one late bloomer. It is HARD to risk rejection on a personal level.

 

I think KTC has given you some really good advice. Nothing ventured, nothing gained! And I will say that if he is a kind person it will not be the end of your friendship.

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One of my favourite songs goes a bit like this (a loose translation): A bullet-proof heart hasn't been invented yet. It's no use fearing the shot, because loneliness will gnaw at you and you'll end up with the same hole anyway.

 

Now if I'd learn to live by that myself, my life would be a bit happier, I think. Anyway, I've learned that it's true what they say, that you regret the things you haven't done more than the things you have done...

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Are you on speaking terms at all with Terry? As in, do you ever say "hello" or chat between classes?

 

Why not try the casual approach? "Hi, Terry! Excited about the upcoming vacation? Got any big plans for the summer?" As the conversation moves a bit, perhaps toss in, "Well, maybe we can hang out or something, go to a movie." His acceptance or rejection of this will probably tell you something, and you don't have to get embarrassed about it or worry what others will think. Keeping the entire conversation casual and friendly can help disguise your true motive.

 

If you suspect that perhaps your personalities may clash, the best way to find out is to hang out casually, as friends, for a while, before making a decision on "asking him out." You never know: he may not have looked at you as relationship material, but after being friends and casual for a while, he might change his mind.

 

And remember that we girls tend to take commitment a bit too seriously sometimes. Why start to date a guy you don't know if you will actually be compatible with? Date a bunch, just casually, before making any decisions. Why not? Guys "date around," so why shouldn't we chicks?

 

Also remember that sometimes a little "resistance" can go a long way. If you're know for just casually dating and don't seem intensely interested ("seem" being the operative word) on nailing down a boyfriend right now, guys do tend to be more interested and might actually start to pursue you.

 

Good luck!

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Rage is clever. And a lot more subtle than I am. XD

 

Re: Speaking terms--we don't talk a whole lot, but we do chat some during class. (I've only got one with him, though.)

 

So I'm thinking I might go for Rage's approach, assuming I am physically capable of being casual and not stumbling over awkwardness. XD

 

Thanks everyone for the advice, 'cause it's HELPFUL. :blink: (And if anyone has more to say, please do so. :))

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Rage is also 36, so she has some experience under her belt. :)

 

If it helps, pretend that you're auditioning for a movie role or a part in a play, and have to really "put on" your casual attitude. It might help control the nervous-nellies.

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