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Aveyond 3 Abridged: Orbs of Civil Partnership

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Chapter Six

 

red-mountain-pass5.jpg

Welcome to the Thail Mountain Pass!

Enjoy refreshing greenery while you trek to Thais, and breathe in the scent of beautiful plants as you enjoy an experience completely out of this world! Thail Mountain Pass, with its 5000+ species of flora and fauna that you cannot see anywhere else. Spend time with our special interacting hens and dragonflies, and you shall be rewarded!

 

Mel: Wow, this sure sounds like an amazing place!

 

Chicken appears

 

Mel: Ooooh, let's talk! Hi Mr. Hen (because hens can totally be male), how are you toda-

Chicken: CLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCORNDOGSPECIALATTACK!!!!

 

Mel loses 923482093482 HP!

Yah wimp, who taught you how to fight??

 

Mel: Darn it, you just made me lost The Game!!! YOUUUUUUU!!! *fury mode on*

Chicken: Cluck cluck... (Uh oh...)

 

Five minutes later

 

News Broadcaster: Our new species of chicken, whose only habitat is the Southern area of the Thail Mountain pass, has become extinct. The criminal is still at large...

Mel: Ugh... *dripping with chicken blood*

 

Ten minutes later

 

Mel: I hope that the dragonflies are at least more sociable...

 

Dragonfly appears

 

Mel: ZOMGWTHECKBBQ WHY IS THE DRAGONFLY SO BIIIGGGG???!!!

Dragonfly: Dude, stop using that magnifyin' glass, would'cha?

Mel: Oh... okay.

Dragonfly: You wanna interact with me, bro? I'm so lonely out here.

Mel: Of course!

Dragonfly: *battle position*

Mel: What the heck?!

 

Mel loses 23948203841902834902834 HP.

Yah wimp-

 

Mel: Not again! Go die, you pathetic animal!

Nox: *giggle* My, my. Since when have you degraded to talking to thin air-

Mel: AND YOU TOO, MORON!!! You're not even supposed to appear yet!!

Mel: Ugh... Someday I'd have my revenge!

 

Mel thinks deeply.

 

Mel: ... Like try to take over the world or something.

Mel: With my Pinkthrop powers of bubblegum summoning.

...

Mel: But the cake is a lie.

...

Mel: ... Dang.

 

To be continued...

 

Sorry for the not-so-long update.

 

Mini Epilogue of Chapter Six:

Mel: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! DIE BY MY HANDS, YOU PATHETIC THING!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*slashes Thail Mountain Pass Advertisement*

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CHAPTER SEVEN

 

Brightwood Forest

 

Mel: Ah, what a bright a beautiful forest... and I hope I don't see anymore rotten advertisements this time...

 

*Mel sees piece of paper stuck on a tree in the distance*

 

Mel: ... Oh, not another one... What 'flora' and 'fauna' am I going to meet this time? Traitorish sun priests?!

Dameon: H-How did you know?!

Mel: ... Please save me...

Mel: ... eh? The piece of paper... *picks it up*

 

PLS HALP MEE FIN MEE DAWGGGG!!!

Mee dawg rowwfff (or was it rawf) hath cream furr and whiteee furr and black ffurr, i think only one of them, and i lost him pls find him back!!!! PleaseeEEEEeee!!!!!!

~ [d]Nox[/d] Tad.

 

Mel: ... Should I believe this? Ah well, nevermind... If he can't even remember his dog's appearance or its name, that dog shouldn't have been very important...

MORDRED DARKTHROP: MEEELLLLLIIIRRRIOUUSSSNNEEESSSAAAA!!!

Mel: WHAT?! Is that my name?! It sounds horribly Mary Sue!!

MORDRED DARKTHROP: YOU, AS THE DESCENDANT OF THE PINKTTTHHHRRROOOOOPPPPP!!!! SHALL NOT HURT POOR ANIMALSSS!!!

Mel: I've never hurt anyone!!!

MORDRED DARKTHROP: BUT YOU-

Mel: *smashes pager that links the world of the dead and alive* SHUT UP, OLD MAN!!

 

~ End of screamfest ~

 

Mel: Speaking of dogs... Where are the wolves?

???: The wolves? They only come out in the daytime.

Mel: WHAT?! No wonder they're going to become extinct! Every adventurer beats them up!

???: Terrible, isn't it, for a Pinkthrop to witness...

Mel: ... Who are you, anyway?

Nox: ...

Mel: SDJKLKWJELFJKDKSF I KNEW IT *bangs head against wall*

 

And finally, just maybe... Thais...

 

To be continued...

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CHAPTER EIGHT

 

Mel walks into Thais

 

*Dawn arrives automatically*

Mel: Man, I love predicting the weather. It makes me feel awesome.

*Mel sees a cute little boy playing with a dog*

Mel: Aww... How cute it is to see people being kind to animals... <3

Tad: *stabs dog*

Mel: OMG WUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tad: *cleans up corpse and acts as if nothing has happened, then begins to bawl* MY DOG ROWF IS GONE!! *cries*

Random Hero: Oh no, that's terrible! When did you last see him?

Tad: I don't know... I think it wandered off into the Brightwood Forest and I haven't seen it since... I'm sure it got captured by the grey wolf, I'm sure!

Random Hero: Oh no, I'll beat that grey wolf and save Rowf for sure! *runs off*

Mel: ... *stares at Ted*

Tad: ... *ignores Mel*

Tad: ...

Tad:

img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=55099173

 

 

melshock.png

Mel: OMG WUT?!

*The shock of seeing that face induces Repressed Memory Syndrome in Mel, and she forgets about the whole incident. She blames it all on Nox instead.*

 

Nox: ... ;_;

Nox: ... ah well~ *giggle*

 

Back to the story...

 

Mel: I should explore this beautiful city. I might be able to find people who are willing to take my money and contribute to my dream of becoming the most generous person on Aia.

 

Mel enters Gossipland

 

Rita: Hi! I'm looking for juicy stories.

Mel: You mean stuff like Rhen eloping with Lars the day before her marriage, and causing a huge scandal?

Rita: ... What kind of stupid story is that? It's not even interesting.

Mel: I'm just sayin'.

Rita: I'm looking for stories like... you know, creepy blue eyes staring at you all the time from behind, and giggling into your ears and smirking and calling you pink cakey stuff? That kind of scoop is the rarest... But potent...

Mel:... About that, hmm...

Nox: :Tongue:

Mel:I'VE NEVER HEARD OF ANYTHING LIKE THAT, GET LOST.

Rita: Geez, I was just askin'!! No need to be rude...

Mel: What other stories may interest you? Draco x Harry stuff?

Rita: ... Get lost. D<

 

To be continued...

 

Mini-Epilogue

 

Mel walks into a bar

 

Mel: OWWW!!

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…Dang it, I just lost the game.

 

LOL at Gyendal getting rickrolled, and the orb of Marriage, and… pretty much the entire thing XD Looking forward to the next update.

 

But… who is the guy from the “Just as planned” picture? He looks awfully familiar…

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OH! That explains it. My friend watches Death Note and sends me scenes from it all the time... I thought it might be him, but I wanted to make sure.

 

Anyways, we're getting off topic:

 

I forgot to mention, I LOVED Mel's Mary Sue comment.

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CHAPTER NINE

 

Mel continues walking. She passes by a few buildings, and then reaches the Museum of Ancient Artifacts.

 

Walt: This space is reserved for the Museum of Ancient Artifacts.

Mel: ... Really?

Walt: Of course, why?

Mel: Well, I was thinking...

Walt: Yeah?

Mel: Why did you call it the Museum of ANCIENT Artifacts?

Walt: ... What's wrong with that?

Mel: The thing is, that's not really very specific, is it? Of course a museum will be displaying ANCIENT ARTIFACTS. I mean, that's the basic definition of a MUSEUM. It's not like you'll be displaying current artifacts or future artifacts. You're not going to get a lot of visitors... *rants*

Walt: O_O ... ;_; BOOHOOO!!! *runs away crying*

Mel: ... Am I awesome or what?

Nox: I'm rubbing off on you, I must be.

Mel: ... Are you calling yourself awesome?

 

Mel continues walking

 

Beggar: Spare a piece of bread for an old, homeless woman? ;_;

Mel: ...

Mel: ... GET A JOB, WOMAN.

 

Mel continues walking

 

Mel: Ah, Schadenfreude feels awesome.

Nox: Inoerite? >D

Mel: ...

 

Mel continues walking

 

Lady Loretta: Psst, I heard that Prince Edward can't even swing a sword properly...

Mel: (thinks: What a good chance to get her jailed for gossip!}

Mel: *puts giant microphone near her mouth*

*Whole of Thais hears Loretta*

Guards: GET HER!!!

Lady Loretta: WHAT?!

Mel: :evil:

 

Mel: ... Did she just say Prince Edward?

Mel: ...

Mel: ... Ah well. *shrugs*

 

Mel goes into some random house

 

Mel: Nobody here? Sweeett...

Mel: *grabs crystal statuette off the counter*

 

Mel walks towards School of War and Magick happily

 

To be continued...

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Here's a longer chapter, as an apology for slacking off for so long:

 

CHAPTER TEN

 

*still in Thais*

 

Mel: Aaaah, that bout of schadenfreude felt simply amazing.

Nox:I-

Mel:Kiddo, I hereby forbid you from saying anything of the same lines as "I know, right?"

Nox: Ouch mom, that hurts.

Mel: Who's your mom?

 

*At the Thais castle*

 

Mel: Alright, so apparently Prince Edward lives in this castle. All I have to do is to walk in and tell him that he has a stalker, then I can leave this place and go back to lawyering.

Mel: *presses bell*

 

*bell crumbles to dust*

 

Mel: What is this?!

Butler: I'm very sorry, ma'am, but Prince Edward is currently suffering from his daily bout of depression and is currently throwing a horrible tantrum. We believe that this is due to what Loretta had said just now, so-

 

*suddenly a figure cloaked in robes and fine clothing with a face caked in makeup and lots of fine jewellery jumps out from the third story window with a giant sword and slashes at the butler, splitting his head into half*

 

Mel: OMGBBQ!!!! O_O

Butler: X_X Gyack!!!

 

*The prince with the sword stood up, his makeup-caked face scrunched into a maniacal grin that was even worse than Ted's*

 

Mel: Eeeek!!

 

*The prince howls twice and jumps back up into the castle*

 

Mel: O_O

Butler: *head miraculously reattaches to his body again* It's okay, this happens every day.

Mel: *faints*

 

*After a few hours, Mel wakes up again*

 

Mel:Where am I...? Is this heaven?

???: Wake up...

Mel: Mom, is that you...?

???: No, dear, I'm Mistress Ulaf.

Mel: Oh...

Mel:...

Mel: Nox, get out of that ridiculous costume, stop pretending to be Ulaf and get out.

Nox: Oops. *giggle* The real Ulaf is in another castle! *runs off*

Mel: Ugh... Stupid prepuberscent girls.

 

Mel gets dressed and enters the other room.

 

Ulaf: There you are, girl. Did you sleep well?

Boy: I found her fainted at the entrance of the castle next to the crazy butler, so I assumed the worst and brought her here.

Ulaf: *irritated* I know, you said that a million times already.

Boy: What, I just wanted to establish my manliness. A million times. Is that wrong for a man to do?IS IT????

Ulaf:N-No, it isn't. *shivers*

Mel: Wait, so you're Ulaf?

Ulaf:Yes, I am him.

Mel: I thought Ulaf was a she.

Boy: He has powers that people know not...

Ulaf: Don't listen to him. I have been male all this time.

Boy: No he wasn't! He changes his gender every day.

Ulaf: EDWARD, YOU ARE EXPELLED.

Boy: Stop raising your temper, woman.

Mel: Okay... I hate to ruin this reunion, but... Master Ulaf, here is a letter for you.

*Mel takes out the letter*

Ulaf: Hmph, it is addressed to Mistress Ulaf, I am Male.

Mel: It's from Te'ijal.

Ulaf:Okay, okay, I'll read it!

 

Dear Mistress Ulaf,

 

The girl before you is destined to destroy Ahriman. Give her the Sword of Shadows and train her in the art of Sword Singing. She will then become the long lost princess of Thais and rule from then on.

 

...Just kidding. I just wanted to tell you that my brother is wrecking havoc. He has gained an Orb of Unmentionable Power but he needs this girl, Mel, to use it. So I want you to keep her safe in your school. This is an ORDER from yourmom, Te'ijal.

 

Ulaf: *gulp*

Mel: So?

Ulaf: So... are you a mage?

Mel: What's a mage?

Ulaf: People who use their horrible singing voices to inflict damage, like the late Lars Tenobor.

Mel: I think not... I have a brilliant voice.

Ulaf: Alright. So are you a fighter?

Mel: N-No! So I'll appreciate if you keep that sword away from my face, please...

Boy: I think she can probably be a lawyer detective loser in Gray's group.

Ulaf: Shush!

Mel: LAWYERS? AWESOME!

Ulaf: Oh no...

 

To be continued...

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:bravo: + :laughing: + :lol: = C4AT

 

Mel: Alright, so apparently Prince Edward lives in this castle. All I have to do is to walk in and tell him that he has a stalker, then I can leave this place and go back to lawyering.

 

:D So funny! I like psychotic Edward, too!

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CHAPTER ELEVEN

 

Walking towards Gray's lab

Boy: So... wanna go out sometime?

Mel: I thought Gray's lab is at the bottom of the school? We have to go in.

Boy: Anyway, let's be friends.

Mel: No.

Boy: Why not? D:

Mel: Because you aren't a prince and you kind of stink.

Boy: Alright, that's too bad.

 

In Gray's office

Gray: OOooooOOOOoooooOOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Boy: Here it is. Bye.

Mel: Wait, are we even in the right room?!

Boy: Well, yeah. Bye. *leaves*

Mel: WAIT!

door slams

Mel: Oh darn... now what?

Gray: *faces the sky* OOOoooOOOOOOooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooOOOOOOOO!!! MISS BROOOOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOWWNNN!!!

Mel: *clears throat*

Gray: What? Couldn't you see I was busy resurrecting my dead boyfriend's mother's wife?!

Mel: Well, I was told to find you.

Gray: Well too bad. I have no time to listen to you!

Mel: (Hmm... I need a better idea.)

Mel: *clears throat and speaks in a high-pitched voice* Graaaayy....

Gray: Er, what's going on?

Mel: It's meeee, Graaay... I am Miissss Browwwwnnn... And I have takeeenn possession of this giirll's boodyyyy....

Gray: ...

Gray: Look, girl.

Mel: What?

Gray: If you wanted to join my team, you could have just asked.

Mel: Ok. So am I in now?

Gray: No, you need to pass a selection test first.

Mel: An interview? I'm great at interviews. I always make them faint with my amazing pepper breath.

Gray: *ignores* Just north of here is a fabulous manor belonging to this Harpsbren guy. He was the one who killed my Miss Brown, so you have to destroy him for me.

Mel: Okay, sounds easy enough to me.

Gray: Alternatively, you can steal this statuette for me. I like statuettes.

Mel: Nah, I think I'll choose the first one. I don't like statuettes.

 

Harpsbren manor

Mel: It's so creepy in here...

Mel: Why are there so many crates of wine everywhere?

???: Hey, what are you doing in my cellar? Come and join the party!

Mel: A party? I like parties. Wait for me-

Mel: Wait, aren't you the boy from just now?!

Boy: Woah, so it's you again, that girl who said I stank.

Mel: Why are you here? I thought you were a poor scummy swordsboy.

Boy: Well, I also happened to be the owner of this fabulous manor, Edward "Ely" Harpsbren...

*dramatic music plays*

 

 

To be continued

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