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Aveyond 3 Abridged: Orbs of Civil Partnership

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... and of course, since Aveyonds 1 and 2 have their own parody, I say that 3 needs one too.

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AVEYOND 3 ABRIDGED SERIES

Orbs of Civil Partnership

Prologue

A cold wind. A giant castle in the middle of a clearing. It is raining cats and dogs. Literally.

Rayina: Ouch, that cat bit me!
Tunsten: Don't complain, wife, I got bitten by a rabid dog a few seconds ago and am doomed to die in around 5 minutes from now.
Rayina: Oh, ok then. I won't complain.

(Tunsten walks up to the platform above where Mordred Darkthrop is performing an ebil ritual)

Mordred: Come, arise! The three artifacts of ultimate evil!!!

Poof! Out appeared a sparkly pink unicorn.

Poof! Out appeared a shiny pink dress with frilly ribbons.

Poof! Appeared an album full of Paris Hilton songs.


Mordred: Yes!!! The power of these are ALL MINE!!! *puts on dress and dances with pink unicorn to paris hilton music*
Tunsten: *scarred for life* ... *regains composure* Father, I am here to destroy you and your evilness. Your reign of tyranny ends today.
Mordred: *high pitched voice* With what power? You have none!
Tunsten: ORLY???? *stands up and begins singing*
We’re no strangers to love,
You know the rules and so do I.
A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of,
You wouldnt get this from any other guy.

I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling,
Gotta make you understand…

Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry,
Never gonna say goodbye,
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you~~~


Mordred: GAAHHHH!!!! It's the RICKROLL! *falls off the building and explodes* How?!
Tunsten: You will not teach me any songs because you want your beautiful voice all to yourself, Father. But I watched... and I learned.
Mordred: Oh dang it! *dies*
Rayina: Tunsten, is everything ok?
Tunsten: *dies of rabid dog poisoning from earlier*
Rayina: ... crap, whatever.
Rayina: *goes to the village*

(End of prologue)

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Chapter 1

 

Boden: There you are, Mel.

Mel: There you are, Boden.

Boden: ... Anyway, you have a client.

Mel: ZOMG, seriously?! After that last court case where I completely failed at defending Barney from Prosecutor Spongebob's iron mouth, someone actually wants to hire me?! COOL!!!

Boden: Er... Mel?

Mel: Wait, I need to prepare for the next case! Where's my attorney's badge?! I'll be the next Atticus Finch! Er, I failed the bar exam, but I'll make you proud, mom-

Boden: MEL!!!

Mel: What is it, random sprite without a faceset! I have a client to defend!

Boden: ... I mean, that someone needs you to collect evidence for them.

Mel: Oh. Ok. That's not as cool, but still cool. Intrigue me.

Boden: So, basically, this client is waiting for you at the top of Clockwork School of Lawdom and Lawyerdry.

Mel: Erm, shouldn't it be Law?

Boden: Whatever. But anyway, that client is offering to take 100 gold from you as payment.

Mel: Seriously?! This is the first time someone offered to take so much money away from me! Yay, I'm 100 steps nearer to being the most generous person on Earth! After that, everyone will be fighting to hire me, and I'll even have my own law firm-

Boden: Whatever, just get lost already.

Mel: Ok!

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@Kirroha: You know, in English, you can't just abbreviate words like the way you do in Bahasa Indonesia. ORLY= Oh, Really doesn't exist, so actually you can't really use it.

But... whatever. This is a crack stuff anyway- it's not like it needs a good & proper english to write

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@Rogue

Well, it's chat language. It's similar to how "thx = thanks" or "wut? = what?"

 

Besides, who cares about grammar in the internet??

 

P.S. You're from Indonesia?

 

@Kirroha

To be honest, I was planning to do an AV3 parody, too, as soon as Galahad appears in my AV1 parody, but you beat me to it. Don't worry, I still enjoy it! Lol'd at raining cats and dogs literally. Always loved literal jokes.

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@Rogue: Um, I don't speak Bahasa Indonesia. I'm Chinese. And anyway, that's just typical netspeak. It's just like how you don't use informal abbreviations in official documents - 'orly' is used in the same way. Also see 'yarly'.

 

@TrueShadow: Oops! You can help me with it though if I end up getting writer's block. XD Can just write if you feel like it~

 

Chapter Two

 

*It is night*

Mel: Woah, it sure is spooky here at night... I hope the vampires don't come out...

Thief: Beat it, thief! Thieves suck and shouldn't come on our turf! And I'm a hypocrite, beat that!

Mel: I'm not a thief, I'm an attorney! *hmphs and continues walking*

 

Clockwork School of Lawdom and Lawyerdry

Mel: Woah, cool. Wish I studied here instead of that stupid Shadwood Academy when I was younger. Seriously, all they teach you is to swing around huge clubs. I don't even get a book to read! *picks up random book upside-down* Hmm, what language is this anyway?

???: It's Troll.

Mel: Woah! You scared me!

???: Hello, fair maiden.

Mel: Hey wait, I know you! You're Nox!

???: ... What do you speak of?

Mel: I've played Aveyond: The Lost Orb before, and there's this weird girl with the black hair who sneaks up on the character Mel all the time. So it must be y-

???: What atrociousity! My name is Nox not.

Mel: Hey, Nox Not.

???: No! I said my name is NOT Nox!

Mel: Oh, ok. Hey, Not Nox.

???: MY NAMEOUSNESS IS GYENDAL.

Mel: Uh, ok?

???: Whatever suits your fanciousness. Anyway, I seek your serviciousness to collect for me a sphere of gr8ness.

Mel: English, please.

???: What's that? Is it edible?

Mel: ... Forget it. What's my reward?

???: I will remove from your possessivity, 100 gold coins.

Mel: I have 200 gold coins. Take it all or leave it!

???: Ok, fineness, whateverity. 200 gold coins. 100 now and 100 when you return.

 

Mel gives Gyendal 100 gold coins.

 

Mel: Deal. So what sphere? I thought I'm looking for orbs?

Gyendal: I prefer calling them spheres, maiden of fineriliciousness. After all, I am a great fan of Aveyond: Ean's Quest. I can relate a lot with the main character-

Mel: I don't want to hear it, thanks.

Gyendal: Anyway, the evidence I require is present in the-

Mel: I know, that castle over there with the dead cats and dogs over it. I'm smarter than you think.

Gyendal: Wait, it's not there, it's in-

Mel: Yeah yeah whatever. Byebye.

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Okay, I will. Not sure if my ideas would fit in, though.

 

Mel: Hey wait, I know you! You're Nox!

???: ... What do you speak of?

Mel: I've played Aveyond: The Lost Orb before, and there's this weird girl with the black hair who sneaks up on the character Mel all the time. So it must be y-

???: What atrociousity! My name is Nox not.

Mel: Hey, Nox Not.

???: No! I said my name is NOT Nox!

Mel: Oh, ok. Hey, Not Nox.

 

I lol'd at this

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Chapter Three

Outside Pinkthrop Keep
Mel: Hmm... So the sphere evidence thingy should be in here. I should hurry up and find it and give it back to Not Nox.

*enters Keep*

Mel: This place smells of cotton candy... Dinner, here I come! Oh wait, I'm on a diet...

*Giant Cotton candy monster approaches*

Mel: Wait, what?!

GAME OVER

Mel: Maybe the next time I shouldn't choose Expert Mode...

Easy Mode

*Mini cotton candy monster approaches*

Mel: Ah, much better. NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM. ... Hey, I'm still hungry. Maybe I should go back to playing Expert so I can have bigger cotton candies to ea-
Gyendal: GET ON WITH IT!
Mel: Er, whatever you say. Creepy teleporting dude. 

*a while later*
*giant puzzle stands in the way*

Mel: NOOOOO!!! A puzzle! I'm dooommeeddd!!!! This is so unexpected!!!! Mom, I failed you~~~~~!!!!
Mel's Mom: Shut up, n00b.
Mel: ............ Heh, I knew I'm bound to find a puzzle in such a cryptic pink place. This was to be expected. So much that it's simply boring. Lame!
Puzzle: To gain access into the inner vaults, you are to bring me a pizza made of one of every item in the game.
Mel Wait, what?
Puzzle: The ingredients are as follows:
- A key
- Another key
- Treasure Key
- Magic Treasure Key
- 100000000000000000 gold coins
- Osmium dagger
- Orb of Darkness
- Orb of Light
- Letter to Master Ulaf
- Jar of blood
- Orb of Life
- Lydia's corpse
- Excalibur
- Iron Sword
- Medusa Shield
- Charmed Dagger
- Shadow Uniform
- Purple Coffin
- Crusher
- Wooden vampire fangs
- Thor
- Burnaby's Book of Completely Right Quotes
- Star Peach
- Wooden Stake
- Holy Water
- Gyendal's Head
- Zombie skin
- etc. etc.

Mel: Wait, am I supposed to get all of these?
Puzzle: Indeed, Pinkthrop. *giggle giggle giggle* *eyes glow blue for a second*
Mel: This puzzle machine is creeping me out...

*After 93802983492903482 years*

Mel: *piles Lydia's corpse on mountain of items and bakes into pizza* I'm done... *huff* *huff*
Puzzle: Perfect. JUST AS PLANNE- I mean, Congratulations. You may pass. *noms pizza*
Mel: Yay!

*Mel walks and ends up in front of yet another puzzle*

Mel: WHAT IS IT NOW?!?!
Puzzle the Second: H-Hey, don't be angry! You know, the pizza that you gave to the first puzzle, made of one of everything?
Mel: Yeah?!
Puzzle the 2nd: Um, I want you to give me another one of those.
Mel: @#()$*@)#($*#()@*@#J$%L#KJ:KL@J!!!!!! *stabs puzzle repeatedly*

...
...

...

Mel: Finally, the end of this miserable journey! All hail me! ... Huh, a note?

*the note says:*
"Hi, whoever who managed to find this thing. You are extraordinarily stupid. The sphere is in another castle! But since you were stupid enough to come here, I shall just reward you by telling you that the sphere is merely on the first floor of Clockwork School, in plain sight on the dinner table and you didn't manage to see it. Idiot. *giggle giggle* PINKTHROP!!!

Lots of Love,
Nox (the real one)"

Mel: ....
Mel: ....

Mel: .... *subsequently combusts*

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"Hi, whoever who managed to find this thing. You are extraordinarily stupid. The sphere is in another castle! But since you were stupid enough to come here, I shall just reward you by telling you that the sphere is merely on the first floor of Clockwork School, in plain sight on the dinner table and you didn't manage to see it. Idiot. *giggle giggle* PINKTHROP!!!

 

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :D:D:D

This is EPIC! Can't wait for an update!

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