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Man Finishes First on Interstate (Newsletter)

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It was a blustery Friday as Steven Bukowski became the first man to win first place on the interstate. Following his years of dedicated practice, he had this to say about the final moments. "Well, as I came up on a ford f-150 and some kind of junky Mazda I decided the old fashion left lane pass would be sufficient, and suddenly there it was in front of me: The interstate with no cars ahead of me. It was awe inspiring, just me and the open road as far as the eye could see. I'm truly blessed."

 

Steven completed this monumental task following his multiple years of dedicated practice in the art of highway driving. He's most noted for inventing the shoulder-lane pass as well as the art of when to flash your brights to inform someone they are not getting out of your way fast enough.

 

In second place, driving the aforementioned junky Mazda was one Claire Garcia. Upon asking her how she feels coming in second she said, "What? I was just on my way to see my grand kids." A very cryptic message for our winner? Perhaps.

 

Completing this life long task, Steven now intends to be the first car at every red light. His strategy appears to be a complex combination of cutting people off and dangerous lane merges. When asked if he feels that his goals endanger others, Steven said, "If swerving into oncoming traffic and doing burnouts to scare pedestrians out of my way is dangerous, someone should make a law against it."

 

Got a favorite car story of highway stupidity? Share it with us at our forums!

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I wish I didn't have so many stories of drivers and stupidity. The most recent one I have was someone who didn't know what a blinking red light meant (same as a stop sign for those who don't know).

 

One of the main streets in town was closed off for a street festival so the oncoming travel had to turn left onto the side street (it's a T-section so no turning right, obviously). The lights at the intersection were all flashing red so drivers were supposed to stop before turning. The intersection was also a common place for pedestrians to cross.

 

My boyfriend and I were crossing the street on our way to the festival and while we're in the middle of the street, a car speed through the left turn and had to slam on his brakes to keep from hitting us. He stopped just a few feet from us. My bf yelled at him that he's supposed to stop, it's a flashing red. The driver obviously missed the point and yelled a few choice words that I can't repeat here along with "I don't have it stop, it's a blinking red!"

 

Sadly, he isn't the only driver to speed through the turn and pedestrians have been hit there before.

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@Mizzou

 

People here don't know what blinking red lights mean either. And it's kinda said since blinking red lights happen quite a bit because of passing trains.

 

I have countless stories of people who shouldn't be driving. The biggest problem seems to be people driving while speaking on a cell phone.

 

Just the other day when I was coming home from school, I was driving on the highway. And some guy talking on his cell phone starts drifting into my line, completely oblivious what he was doing. And even after I honked my horn at him, he still didn't realize that he nearly hit me. I made sure to speed up to stay away from him.

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People talking on cellphones and driving used to be a bigger problem here but they banned the use of handheld and texting at the beginning of the year. You still see people using it but not as frequently. Though even the hands-free one can cause problems since it's still a distraction.

 

One of the biggest problems that I notice is people not looking where they're turning. I haven't owned a car for the last few years since I'm a poor grad student and I walk every where (it's great exercise). I don't know how many times I've almost been hit by someone turning either right or left. They check to see if any cars are coming but don't bother to look where they are going. Whenever I cross the street, I'm constantly keeping my eye out cars. Looking both ways before crossing isn't always sufficient.

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Yeah, people aren't legally allowed to do it, but I still see them do it. I really don't see the point of using a cell phone in the car, especially getting in an argument.

 

I mean I can understand calling someone to clarify directions, but anything else doesn't seem like something that can't wait until you meet up with the person or get home/your destination.

 

 

Oh yeah that is a big problem where I live too. It's actually worse in heavy rain when visibility is poor.

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Forget talking on cellphones, I saw people texting on cellphones. Their eyes aren't on the road and their hands no where near the wheel. *shudders*

 

And road rage = *facepalm*

one time this crazy lady driver almost ran my mum and sis over while they were walking back to the car. There was plenty of room for that lady to go around them but no, she just charged them.

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very clever fake news article, joe ^^ in fact, you almost had me believing it XD

 

re: texing while driving: there was a sign at the church on the green a while back that said "honk if you love jesus. text if you want to meet him." i thought that was pretty amusing XD

 

i work at the beach gate at the end of a dirt road, keeping people without parking permits out, and i cannot begin to tell you about some of the drivers that i see >.< some of them nearly run me over, others gun it over the rope and it goes flying out of my hands, others just floor it down the dirt road and today two of them nearly ran headling into each other >.>

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