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kipani

I'm really mad at my boyfriends sister and mom!! What would you do in my situation??

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Tell the sis in law to 'talk to the hand' and get rid of her?

 

As for the mom's nagging: eh, that's what moms' do. Tell her to shut up and/or cut contact with her.

 

What is the bf doing in this situation? If he's not doing anything perhaps you should talk to him and tell him to grow a backbone to talk back.

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I agree with KTC.

 

Just stop talking to the sister in law. If she is constantly getting you sick, and got your baby sick, then don't go near her. It's not worth your health or your children.

 

As for the mother, just ignore her. Mother in laws are just annoying. That's just what they do. They annoy their daughters/in laws because they feel they know best. Just nod and don't do what she says if you know it's not a good idea.

 

I also agree that you should talk to your boyfriend. He needs to let his family know that what they're doing is not okay. And that his children are going to be raised, taken care of, how you two see best.

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Though I suppose if you do ignore them, you can't blame your husband for ignoring your relations. Besides, if mother in laws were good, we wouldn't have a single soap opera.

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I think you need to confront your sister-in-law and mother-in-law and tell them that your children are your children and you will raise them how you see fit. If I had children and someone got them sick, especially a newborn child, I would not allow my children to spend anymore time with that person. You're the parent. Don't let anyone else try to force you or your children to do anything that you don't feel it's right to do, even if it means being "rude." You owe it to your children.

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Everyone has different ways of raising their kids and many times don't agree with the way they treat the kids. I for example think my sister spoils my niece and gives her too much freedom for a 7 year old, but i just keep it to myself. Some people only don't think about keeping it to themselves.

 

The best thing you can do is this, raise your kids the way you believe to be right and to be the best, regardless of what everyone else says. Only listen to your companion (he has the right to a say about the way your kids are raised) but ignore everyone else and just say "These are my kids, I'm raising them MY way".

 

About the sister. You shouldn't stop socializing with her, just keep the kids away from her when she's sick, if that's not possible then after your kids are home wash and clean them well, if necessary desinfect them and give them a few vitamin C just in case.

 

And you should not complain to your bf mother, complain to him, complain to your mother, not to your mother in law. Most of them think their kids failed miserably with the woman they chosed.

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Yeah I need to grow a backbone. My sister in laws kids are ALWAYS sick. They go to a daycare, and the mom in law says thats why. Kinda funny because my friends a nurse and her kid goes to daycare every day but shes never sick -_- Like ever lol

 

One time my sister inlaws kid got out of daycare and walked around downtown for 2 hours. He got picked up by some guy who brought him to police station who called daycare wondering if he belonged to them. The next day the sister in law took him back to same daycare -_- They didnt even notice he was gone!!

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well, i'm a teenager, and i have absolutley no experience with kids, so i won't give advice, but what you just mentioned about the kid going missing from the daycare and the mom not paying heed and sending him back, now a mother like that needs consulation! seriously, a child is the most valuable gift a woman could ever get, so she should do wonders to protect it anf nurture it, and that action was totally irresponsible

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Kipani, I was about to reply to this with all of these points about why they're wrong. However, that's not what you need.

 

This is your child, not theirs. You can distinguish common sense from idiocy, and you can consult others when you're unsure.

 

However, despite the fact that they are extremely nosy, I think that they really do want what's best. I'm unsure about your actual family situation, but if you and your boyfriend are planning to get married, then it would be best to try to deal with the situation in an amiable and mutually respectful way.

 

Keep in mind, these two individuals mean a lot to your boyfriend and he definitely doesn't want to be put in the middle. You have what it takes to be the better woman even though they may not.

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Well I'm a teen too but I know a lot about mother in law problems. *cough*my grandma*cough* Seriously...till today...including just a few minutes back, she keeps telling my dad(her son) that my mom an him are ruining me and not raising me properly. I could on and on on what she says.

 

Anyway, back to the point, what I wanted to say, everyone else has already said. I wouldn't tell your mom in law to shut up...I'd talk to her gently for a while and tell her to stop interfering...*cough*my grandma interferes a LOT*cough*

 

But...if she doesn't then you have to talk more strongly...and hey...tell your bf about this...discuss it together and think about what to do. And as for your sister-in-law, never take your kids near her or let them take care of your kids at any cost....from what your sayin the mom didn't even notice her kid was gone? Stay away from her and her kids.

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What they're doing is endangering your child, no?

There should be no question. Stop letting them be exposed to your children, then when they call complaining about it tell them (calmly) why you've decided that they don't deserve to see your children.

 

 

@Theone:

width=200http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_E8BpJEni77I/Sa__nhgQxpI/AAAAAAAAIZM/0atLrLMPqsI/s400/BADUMBCHING.jpg[/img]

 

:D yea....... :roll:

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@FishSantiago, eeh, yea, makes sense

________________________

 

this is all like my gradmas, they both raised atleast 6 kids each, so they count themselves experts and start telling mom how to raise us, however your kids you raise them, advice is welcome, but control is not

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I find that once a lot of people have done something, they consider themselves experts on the subject. Many times, if your strategy differs from theirs, they think that you're not doing it right and that they are. They think that you are wrong, and that you should only listen to them. There is no right way to parent per se, so you should do things the way that you think is best.

 

Talk about it with your boyfriend and see if he feels the same way about this issue. You may want to accept the mother's advice sometimes, but not unless you feel safe accepting it. You want what's best for you and your children, so do what you feel is right. That might mean staying away from the sister because of her getting your children sick, or whatever, but you have to do what you think is right for your kids.

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Wow, you really have had tough with your babies because of your bf's mom and sis.

 

"She told me if I didnt put shoes on him when he was learning to walk, he'd become bowlegged and his feet would get deformed."

 

Oh my dear god, she really said so? Does she have any idea how long kids have flat feet (at least first 5 years of their life)? :lol: It has nothing to do with becoming bowlegged or getting deformed feet, omg I just can't get over this as a physiotherapist. You would most likely harm your baby's legs and/or feet by making them wear shoes when they start walking.. it's not good for their muscles. But you seem to be very clever mom, so I guess you've figured these thing out yourself :)

 

For other issues I must agree with others on this thread.

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Well, this is problem. But to make things went smooth and quiet, i think you can just be quiet when talking with them, and avoid them as possible. Mothers in law are usually like that. So many things you should do and shouldn't do, even to the most unimportant thing. You also better talk it with the bf.

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Just steer the conversation away from the subject if it comes up. That won't completely make the bother go away, but anything's easier to deal with in small doses.

 

kinda worried 'bout the daycare though. Help your sister-in-law find a better one that won't lose track of her kid & is still convenient, inexpensive, trustworty, or whatever enough to meet their needs. Demonstrating that you care about her and her kid this way might give Shanna a reason to feel the same about you and yours, and to be more careful about making sure your kid doesn't get sick.

Plus, if that's where Shanna's kid is getting the bugs, it's better for all of you to get her a new daycare.

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I think kleptin's advice is the most rational thing to do...

 

at the end of the day, you still get to decide on what to do.

 

@theone

lol, you're stereotyping mothers-in law. i must be lucky not to have that kind of mom-in law :P

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