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Lars and Rhen -- their lifes

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Chapter 1

 

DAY 1 - Rhen's View

 

A slave trader caught me for no reasons , I am sad here , Mistress Rona and Lars are very mean to me , they let me sleep on a floor ,they never wanted me to play when I finished my task , they barely give me food or love , I dont think I can leave this place anymore , I will suffer forever!, I dont know why and how the things happen , the fates are so cruel , maybe it will change in a matter of time, Maybe! , I think on myself always.

 

DAY 1 - Lars's View

 

At least , long - awaited , now we bought a slave, the slave trader is very nice giving us a cheap price for a slave , but she is very lazy , I think and fight with my mom so I laugh when I saw her suffer and I took her food from her and call her Peta. It is really a good name for her because she is like a dog herself but I know she is beautiful but I cant know...........

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I hope you will like it , short but thorough , It will get romantic later in this story.

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They are still continuing but not the really old ones.

 

--------DAY 2-------------

 

-Rhen's View

 

My friend Eddie was bullied by Lars so I decided to help him , Lars shove me and I cried but I have the courage to save Eddie so I pick up a stick and hit it at Lars , I was amazed a struck of Lightning hit him and two strangers went to the two of us and the man said that I have the gift of Sword Singing and he give me a token to travel and enroll to Veldarah as it Shadwood Academy was there and it is the greatest city on the East.

 

-Lars view

 

I went to the mule express to travel to Veldarah as we have enough money to take the mule express and we have already been there , Rhen has followed us but I am very pity on her and I want her to be at the Mule express but mom said that we should not entertain that slave , but I cant leave her al..one but the mule express has gone far away.

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----------DAY 3 -----------

 

Rhen's View

 

I cant imagine that I made it to Veldarah and I am somehow lost , Glad that people here are good and some escort me there , when I arrived , I saw Lars first and Icant hide my feelings anymore about him , I Love Him. I went to the headmaster and showed my token in order to enroll and I receive a bedroom key and schedule , I am always punctual as Lars do , though we are partner for one contest, it developed our friendship

 

Lars' View

 

I am training on Veldarah and at the time I saw Rhen , I feel I am at the heaven's peak , She is like an Angel sent to me by the heaven , I love the way she spoke and her manners , all about her is good now , we develop friendship on one of the contest and we visited the empress as for honoring us but too , I cant accept that she is a slave a day ago , but life must go on and love must be found in us .

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Chapter 4

 

Rhen's View

 

I saw the priestess again and tell me to talk with the empress , they give me a quest of searching the isles for druids and Larsis the one chosen by the empress to stay with me to fulfill the prophecy , this time I will show Lars how Ilove him , but still my hate of him arose me this time , but I accept it , I cant understand what is Talia and the empress saying but still I need to do this.

 

Lars' View

 

I heard my name called by the empress to accompany Rhen to fulfill the prophecy , I am glad to accept it , I want to show Rhen how much I love her. i move to my room in Shadwood Academy to pack my things and go with ren to fulfill the prophecy , the quest and my love for Rhen.

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Thanks all!!

 

Chapter 5

 

Rhen's View

 

Lars and I exited Veldarah , in our exit we found Talia standing on the entrance like a guard , she wants to join us because we cant do the quest without her guidance , but she is not ready for any battles. In our battles , when , I got hurt , Lars always heals me , even though his health got low , when we entered the caves , she wants to leave me on Talia's hand for quite sometime because he does not want me to get bitten by snakes and rats.

 

Lars' View

 

As we leave Veldarah , we saw Talia and accompany her , she is like our mother who guides and heals us because she is a priestess and a druid , she is very good and my love for Rhen is well , I had hoped she has the feeling too.

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On the other side ,

 

"Master, I failed to find the Dreamer's Tear",Agas said.

 

"Search!" , said Ahriman

 

"That Talia is the most tricky of all the druids but Dameon is more tricker than his mother", gladly said by Ahriman .

 

"Master!! , Here is the Dreamer's Tear" , find by Agas

 

"Good now take the Mysten Far continent", said Ahriman.

 

Rhen cannot explain what she saw in her dreams to Talia and Lars.

 

Lars have a dream too , but on the druids side , he told.

 

"The Dreamers Tear!" , shout Vata

 

"The Mythril Rapier!" , shout Eithera

 

"The Moon Staff!" , shout Daena

 

"The Magic Cook Book!" , shout Armaiti

 

"The Dark Sword!" , shout Rashnu

 

"The Melody List!" , shout Vohu Manah

 

I think they are missing it , said Lars.

 

So we shall save them.

 

Rhen and Lars hugged.

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well, sorry first, but I think this story is a little bit worse.

the story between Lars and Rhen is good because of their fight in the first story, and then turn to romantic in the midle of the story.

 

As a reader I think the apearence of Dameon and the fact that Dameon merry Rhen in the story you write will make this story better coz. I think in this side Lars and Rhen relationship will not going as good as the one start with their fight

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It's going too fast pace for everyone. Rhen was a slave for 3 months, so that's off. Then they won't beomome all lovey dovey within the first 4 days(assuming days=chapters and chapters=days)

Sorry about the critisism, but it's better being critisized instead of praised without true meaning. It's really good, really, just too fast paced and it has really bad grammer.

Maybe go through and make things a bit slower and check your grammer and such?

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Agreed, I'm not trying to flame you or anything, but you need to put in proper grammar. They fall in love too quickly(I mean seriously, in a few days they fall in love while barely knowing each other??), the characters are mysteriously time traveling(As in, everything is happening too fast), and it's so fluffy, there's no special meaning in it. And please check the Aveyond time line, it says Rhen was the Tenobor family's slave for three months and then both Rhen and Lars were in Shadwood academy for a whole YEAR! And how can the Dreamer's Tear be missing then found in a few seconds? It's too conveniently placed, and it takes away the fun of the plot y'know. :cry:

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