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Aveyond I: Rhen's Quest Parody

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Sorry I haven't updated in 3 weeks, 4 days, 1 hour and 43 minutes.

 

==================================================

 

Chapter 47: In Which Rhen Beats up Crazy People

 

Lord Gavin's Mansion...

Lady Gavin: *sobs* WHY DID YOU CONVICT MY HUSBAND?! WHYYYYYYYYYY?!

Galahad: Control yourself, m'lady. The Lord Gavin was a traitor, and he had--

Lady Gavin: WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

Galahad: Lady Gavin! In the name of chivalry, calm yourself!

Lady Gavin: WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYYYYYY-

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-

YYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!??

Rhen: 'Cuz he didn't like tacos, lady! Duh!

Armaiti: Whut she sed. Whah else wud weh throw him in theh hoosey-gow!

Lady Gavin: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!

Rhen beats up Lady Gavin and throws her off.

 

Aveyond...

Talia *in a straitjacket*: Please, officers, cancel the code green and take off the--

Lady Gavin falls from the sky and knocks the Oracle to the floor.

OJM: CODE CHEESE!

Oracle: Git offa me, yeh var-minty!

SJM: CODE ARMAITI-ORACLE!

Lady Gavin: WHYYYYYYYYYY?!

CJM: CODE Y!

The policemen start singing opera.

Talia: --um--straitjacket... On second thought, could you add earmuffs?

 

Lord Gavin's Kitchen...

Cook: I NEED TRUFFLE-MUSHROOMS!

Lars: :smileattack: Yay, disgusting food!

Rashnu: Why would you need truffles, my good man?

Dameon: Perhaps he is serving my Lord Ahriman? My master and do enjoy torturing captives with mushroom pizza.

Cook: TRUFFLE-MUSHROOMS FOR GAVINFACE CHEESEHEAD BOSS!

VM: But your stupid boss was jailed by Sir Zuko the Awesome!

Cook: TRUFFLE-MUSHROOMS! *runs into the wall*

Rhen beats up the cook and chains him to the chandelier.

 

Lord Gavin's Childrens' Bedroom...

Lord Gavin's Children (LGC): YOU KILL-ED OUR PAPPY! *throw bombs at Galahad*

Rashnu: We actually just jailed...

Rhen: *leaves, hires the school bully, and returns with it*

School Bully: *beats LGC up*

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Now, now, bullies aren't nice *tries stern look, fails miserably, and falls over giggling*

Ahem, unless your LGC :)

 

I love this story, one of my favorite Aveyond FanFics :D

 

And an author who updates! Arigato! :)

 

THANK YE GODS xD

 

UPDATE SOON PLEASE

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Chapter 48: Welcome to Dirkon

 

Dirkon...

Random Old Fictional Lady (ROFL): Hi, my name is Haurvatat! I'm a goddess and stuff--

Rhen: No, you're just an ROL.

ROFL: No, I'm Haurvatat! Seriously! I'm here in Dirkon cuz the townspeeps have the plague! I'll level you up if you cure them before they die!

Rashnu: You need not reward--

Rhen: WHO THE HECK CARES ABOUT LEVELING UP?! It's a parody, so it doesn't matter how strong we are, just whether MagykMagus wants us to win.

ROFL: Fine, I'll give you my pet goose which lays twelve 900-karat, diamond-and-ruby-and-emerald-and-sapphire-and-topaz-encrusted, gold-and-silver-plated, titanium-lined platinum eggs per d--

Rhen: Done! I killed the rats and buried their remains at the bottom of a 1,000-foot cave, which I covered with a five-thousand-ton tungsten plate. Then I bathed the sick people in a combination elixir, auquifolium extora, cassia leaves, and marsh tea, and then had them drink a quart each of the same mixture. Then I sterilized them, burnt their clothes, and bought them new clothes, ones that were specially designed to prevent poison. Then I used prescriptions from 12 different doctors on them. Just now, I had them wrap themselves in blankets, put on gas masks, and go to bed, while I replaced their water supply with elixir. Do I get the goose now?

ROFL: :laughing:, no! I don't have a goose! You should've paid more attention! There's no such thing as 900-karat precious metal! *turns into angel-winged goddess* I'll level you up, though, if you want!

 

10 seconds later, in Aveyond...

Talia *standing triumphantly over the policemen: Hah! I finally managed to use my Druidian powers to incinerate my straitjacket and bind and gag you stuid policemen!

Oracle: Yeah! *giggles snobbishly*

 

===================================================

 

I'll let you guess what happened next. (Hint: it involves policemen screaming 'Code Goddess', breaking free, and attacking everyone in the immediate vicinity with rubber baseball bats.)

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Chapter 49: Naming Chapters is Boring...

 

Beneath the Snow Queen's Castle...

Rhen *beating her fists against the door to Indra's cave*: OPEN UP! OPEN UP OR I'LL HUFF AND I'LL PUFF AND I'LL BLOOOOOOOOO-OOOW THE DOOR DOWN!

VM: Me too!

Lars: :smileattack::smileattack:smileattack: *has a heart attack from overexcitement*

Armaiti: Hee-ay! Hee'z deh-eh-ed!

Rhen: Oh, finally!

Lars: :smileattack::smilattack: Whuppee, I'm dead!!!!!!!!! *does a superhappy dance*

Rhen :facepalm: Anyway... HUFF! PUFF! *blows like crazy*

VM: I don't think it's working...and you're turning purple.

Rhen: *gasps for air* Ummm... Okaaay... OPEN UP I'LL BURN THE DOOR DOWN!!!!! Lars, burn the door down.

Lars casts Fireball.

Voice Through the Door (VTD): The door's, totally like, fireproofed! Duuh! It would spoil my awesome interior decorations if it got burnt!

Rhen: OPEN UP OR I'LL CHOP THE DOOR DOWN!

VTD: No!! Touching doorknobs would mess up my manicure!

Rhen swings her axe. It bounces off and destroys an Ice Slime.

VTD: The door's made of super-stylish pink reinforced titanium, and there are two, both stylish fireproof titanium, pressed together!

Galahad: Fear not, good maiden! I shall kick it down! *breaks ankle on metal door*

Zuko and Sokka appear in a puff of smoke. Zuko burns one door to ash, and Sokka cuts the other off it's hinges. Zuko kicks the third door open. They vanish in more smoke.

Rhen, VM, & VTD (AKA Indra): :heart::heart::heart:

Elini: Bert I Todd--I Todd-- [but I thought--I thought--]

Rashnu: I don't think they're paying attention.

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Chapter 49: THAT LONG since I updated?

 

Indra's Cave...

Rhen *swinging her axe up and down*: WHY--WON'T--YOU--DIE?!

Indra: Because! The epic power of my, like, manicure, is so awesome, you can't damage it, maybe?

VM: Because Zuko and Sokka are so awesome your memory of them is making you swing less powerfully?

Lars: :smileattack: Because the fact that your axe is doing nothing makes me HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPP--*has another heart attack* *is revived by pure enthusiasm*

Elini: MayB BCassie yR X Wendy flIN N2 N Is slIM N U Lefty Et thR? [Maybe because your axe went flying into an ice slime and you left it there?]

Rhen looks at her empty hands.

Rhen: Oh...uh, right... *draws sword*

Rashnu: Sokka took your sword to get is in here.

Rhen: Really? Oh. *tries to beat up Indra*

Indra fights back and heaves Rhen.

 

Aveyond...

Rhen comes flying out of the sky, towards the tied-up policemen.

Rhen: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *bounces off the force field Talia created*

 

Indra's Cave...

Rhen falls out of the sky and smashes into Indra, who is giving Lars fits of euphoria by setting fire to his pants.

Rhen: Well, she was easy to beat. Let's go find a genie in a lamp.

VM: OKAY!

Lars: :smileattack::smileattack::smileattack::smileattack::smileattack::smileattack:*heart attack**revived by joy*:smileattack::smileattack::smileattack::smileattack:

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Chapter 50: Sailing, Sailing....

 

Pirate John:

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.

We pillage plunder, we rifle and loot.

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot.

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

 

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.

We extort and pilfer, we filch and sack.

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

Maraud and embezzle and even highjack.

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

 

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.

We kindle and char and in flame and ignite.

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

We burn up the city, we're really a fright.

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

 

We're rascals and scoundrels, we're villians and knaves.

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

We're devils and black sheep, we're really bad eggs.

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

 

We're beggars and blighters and ne'er do-well cads,

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads,

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.

Rhen: *covers ears* Why is HE here? We haven't even been to his islands yet!!

Vohu Mana: I don't know, but he's a good singer.

John: Thank ye lassie! Join me!

John and VM:

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.

We pillage plunder, we rifle and loot...

Rashnu: It's because the author couldn't think of anything else to put in this chapter.

Rhen: Oh.

The party stops next to Pirate John's islands and throws him onto the beach. The local police--who are really just pirates with badges--arrest him.

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Chapter 51: Veldt

 

Veldt...

Veldtian Woman: Tere, Põhja Travelers. [Greetings, Northern Travelers.]

Rhen: What? I can't see the subtitles for some reason.

Veldtian Woman (VW): Mida? [What?]

Rhen: What are you saying, Lady?

VW: Millest sa räägid, Põhja-One? Ma räägin ainult Veldtian. [What are you saying, Northern One? I speak only Veldtian.

Rashnu: I'll handle this, Rhen. I speak Veldtian. Šokolaadi kummi on ELUS! Me kõik hukkume!

VW: Oh ei! APOKALUPSIS ON MEID!!!! *runs away* Šokolaadi kummi on ELUS! Šokolaadi kummi on ELUS!

Everyone who hears the woman screams and hides.

Elini: [Rashnu, why did you--]

Rhen: Elini, why are you only speaking in subtitles?

Elini: [What? Oh, that's because the author couldn't decide how to put 'Rashnu' in my speech.]

 

Veldtian Palace...

Veldtian Queen (or is she an Empress?) (VQOISAE): If you get me a fancy songbird to help me sleep, I'll give you a dragon bridle and you can put a genie in my fancy lamp so the genie will let you fight the Daeva in his lamp.

Rhen: Where is the songbird?

VQOISAE: It's right over on the peninsula of the Western ISle.

Rhen: ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!? You want us to go all the way over there just to advance the plot?!?! I'll help you sleep! *Rhen knocks VQOISAE out with a two by four and takes the lamp and bridle*

 

MagykMagus: If you want to translate what Rashnu and VW were saying, it's Estonian.

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