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Couple (des)therapy – GalahadxTei’jal

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Couple (des)therapy – GalahadxTe'ijal


This is just for the laughes XD. Don’t take it seriously.


In my opinion Te’ijal and Galahad would be perfect couple for couples therapy sadly, there aren’t any therapists around, but having in count the Oracle is all powerful, I’m sure she can give a hand.


Day one – Reunion


Today I have started applying couples therapy to a couple of the outmost peculiarity. It’s not that the fact they are a couple of vampires that makes them peculiar, nor the fact that they are from another planet, I have dealt with the undead before, what makes them peculiar is their behavior with one another, not to say, how entertaining they are when arguing.


They are fitting of taking the role of Mister and Misses Smith! I can only guess what happens in the bed room, though after meeting mister Galahad I have realized… nothing at all happens in there. It’s a pity really; Misses Te'iJal is one sweet piece of undeadness!


How unprofessional of me right now, but oh well. Today I was contacted by an old friend of mine, the Oracle, she and I go a long way back. I was entrusted with giving parenthood counseling to Mel and Lars, no use saying it failed miserably. Probably because I messed the twins, oh but those two were such fun bundles of repressed evil and trouble. I helped them… free their true selves (and make their parents life hell along the way).


Anyway, back to the issue. Who contacted me about this couple was first the Oracle, she told me the vampire Te’ijal was starting to complain of her husband’s lack of attention to her and that she needed it to change (I vote not enough Wohoo in the bedroom [Note to self: Stop playing Sims 2!]). Despite adoring messing with planets, I had to tell the Oracle that if they needed my help they had to come fish for me.


Curiously, didn’t take long until a red-haired woman with a mean bite and a very frustrated repressed blond man came knocking at my door. I’m supposing the Oracle had some magic involvement with them figuring out where I live and how to cross a mirror into my… secluded little hell hole.


“Can I help you?” I asked.


“I am Te’ijal Ravenfoot, this is my husband, Galahad Teomes. My friend told me you could help us solve our… differences.” The red haired woman stated.


“Yes… sure, come back in the morning and in a weekday.” I said rubbing my head, since I was shirtless and only wearing sweat pants. I usually don’t treat people in a Saturday dawn at 3 o clock in the morning, even if they do are vampires, there’s a sewer lid to the garage, so if they are afraid of frying, they don’t have to.


“Yes… I’m sure you can open an exception, duckling!” She stated and pulling her husband behind she made way into my home uninvited, so sad vampires aren’t really like portrayed in Buffy.




“This is a very interesting place!” The woman spoke when I entered my study dressed properly. “Husband, we should decorate our house this way, these strange lights shimmer with a very interesting glow and they do not harm.”


“This place is a noisy polluted hell hole, worst than Ghedare!” Galahad said crossing his arms.


“I’m glad you’re enjoying your stay in magnificent Buttchicago…” I stated and sat down. “Shall we get started?”


“Mortal, tells us who you are and how shall you be of our assistance.” Te’ijal ordered (yep she ordered).


I eyed her. Is it just me or is that vampire just full of herself. Note to self: Not verbalize what I think she is. And I mean it! Do not verbalize it… Don’t!


“Since you came here I would expect you to know… I don’t even know who you are.”


“I am Te’ijal Ravenfoot.” She said looking imposing.


“Ye… still have no clue who you are,” I said and mentally pounded myself. Note to self: No antagonizing possible clients (I must have been drunk when I decided to be a therapist).


“Why you…”


“My wife is a very special… devil spawn,” Galahad interrupted stopping his wife from grinding her teeth into my hide and making her sit down next to him. “We do not know who you are; the Oracle just informed us that you could help my wife understand what I am going through.”


“I see…” Note to self: Not tell gods, demons, angels, chosen ones and gerbils where to find me. I am NOT the divine therapist of service, they can’t just randomly dump their chosen ones train wrecks on me.


“I am Judge Seres and…”


“You are a Judge, a man of judgments and justice!” Galahad interrupted me. “You shall be able to see the right side of this question and make a decision based on…”


“No… I just happen to be called Judge,” I explained and Galahad looked down ashamed, Te’ijal chuckled amused with her husband’s embarrassment.


“I am a therapist, I am supposed to help you two work out your differences.”


“How? Do we have to quest for some lost spell, orb, anything? Because lately, that’s all we been doing!” Te’ijal stated crossing her arms. “My husband here thinks it’s his duty to protect the chosen ones from the forces of evil, and as a paladin he must protect the fair maidens who seek his help, dragging me behind many of the times against my will.”


“Wife! I am a Paladin! It is my duty to protect the weak!” He stated.


“I still think dealing everything my way with Mel would have been better. If I had bitten her and turned her into a child of the night, we would have never even had to battle Mordred like we ended up having to and you wouldn’t go obsessed corrupted fool on me!”


“Wife! That was an accident. The forces of evil took advantage of my weakened state, being under your terrible curse…”


“Don’t you blame vampirism on it you man fool!” She interrupted him.


“There will be no questing,” I informed, thankfully stopping their argument. Though it seemed obvious that the attention the paladin gave to the fair maidens and chosen ones seem to annoy his wife. “How long have you two been married for?”


They eyed each other as if questioning each other how long.


“For over 300 years…” Te’ijal answered and Galahad grabbed hold of her and covered her mouth chuckling nervously, I could clearly see his fangs as his wife fighting to get free from him. He was trying to hide that he was a vampire, but it was a bit late.


“Funny wife, haha… she was just joking. She meant 30!” He said.


I lifted my finger to say something but there was no need, for in the wink of an eye, Te’ijal got freed and bit her husband’s hand so hard I swear he must have seen stars! I felt a drop of sweat go down my head while I internally begged not to burst into laughter. Don’t laugh! Don’t you dare laugh!


“Husband, how many times have I warned you that you shall not order me around anymore, I am your wife, not your servant!” She threatened him.


“I am your husband so I do have a vote in the question too!” He barked back.


“Humm… Humm…” I cleared my throat and they fell silent eyeing me. “Just pretend I’m not here. Not going to continue? Okay, very well… One, I know you two are vampires, no need to hide it, with me at least. Second, what kind of wedding was it?”


“She tricked me into cursing my soul for eternity!” Galahad shouted.


“I know wedding can be a pain, but don’t you think that’s a bit exaggerated?” I asked.


“That foolish Paladin, I just borrowed his soul for eternity.” She said smirking.


“AGAINST MY WILL!!” He yelped.


“How was the wedding?” I asked. We were starting to hit something.


“It happened a long time ago. When I was in Sedona with the Chosen one, Rhen Pendragon, I met him. The most delightful pure hearted paladin I had ever placed my eyes upon,” Te’ijal said, her eyes sparkling at the thoughts cowding her mind…


Thank god only her eyes sparkled, cause if I got another Edward Cullen vampire wannabe in my therapies I would shoot down Stephenie Faileyer.


“I joined the group to protect late queen Rhen from any ailments that could endanger her, including that devil spawn. But that daughter of a snake was able to fool me into wedding and cursed me with this devious curse,” Galahad completed.


“Oh, husband, you remember it!” She said.


“Oooookay…” And I took note of their behavior on my notebook. “Have you two ever had children?”


“No, we vampires cannot procreate...” Te’ijal explained.


“Like I would ever have any kind of relationship with this devil spawn and taint my lost soul!” Galahad exclaimed.


“So, you two never actually consummated the wedding?”


They just stayed silent. “Consu... what? I bit him many times.” Te’ijal answered.


“I mean consummate, eat, straddle the saddle, make love, do Woohoo, work on the bed… You two have no idea what I am talking about do you?“ Eyeing me confused they shook their heads. Great… more virgin vampires…


Note to Self: Freud would have a blast with these two!


“And do you enjoy each other’s company?” I asked.


“It’s an unbearable curse! But by keeping her under eye I can stop her from committing atrocious crimes.” Galahad confessed shaking his head sadly. Could it be that he actually enjoys her company?


“Husband, it prides me to know you hold me so high on your mind.” She stated. “I absolutely adore his company.”




I eyed my notebook. I need to start making research because this couple will certainly be troublesome. While I’m at I will so get the oracle for this one! I still have the twins contact, maybe they won’t mind playing the Oracle a prank on my behalf.


“Your husband doesn’t seem to share your vision…” I pointed out.


“My dear duckling adores it too, that’s just his way of saying it. He won’t leave me.”


“If I leave her she shall make more humans her lunch! There has to be a way to stop her. Besides, only she can deliver me my freedom!”


“Well, even… vampires must eat.” I pointed out. That’s a fact.


“This devil spawn is a monster! She should eat animals!”


“Oh god! No! It tastes awfull.” She yelped. “Humans are the perfect appetizer!”


“See! How can I live with this monster?!” Galahad asked lifting his hands.


“Look at the bright side; at least she’s no Edward Cullen!”


They stared at me completely oblivious of my joke. Why did I have to have humor moments always with people who had no clue what I was talking about? Why? Aaarg… Could be worst, I could be giving therapy to Edward Cullen… what sadly I do. That kid has terrible issues.


“Anyway. How are you going to help us?” Te’ijal asked.


“I am supposed to give you two counseling,” I explained.


“Counseling? So what we just sit around and talk?”


“Pretty much.”


“And we have to pay?”




“Are you related with Mel by any chance?”


“No, but I did give her counseling,” I answered. They eyed each other and then eyed me.


“Are you trying to rob us?” Te’ijal asked.




“If this is a trap, you shall have your head dangling of the end of my sword!” Galahad threatened.


“How about I do the counseling first if it works you guys get me a sweet rare item and if it fails than I shall be glad to become your sword’s end ornament?” I suggested.


“I suppose we can try it out, husband?”


“Work with a crook? Never!” He said crossing his harms.


“You worked with Mel and she was a mouse eating thief…” Te’ijal remembered and Galahad felt a drop of sweat go down his head.


“Very well, if that will improve my wife’s behavior, then I shall collaborate,” he ended up agreeing with.


I covered my nose, shuddering a little.


“Are you laughing?” Te’ijal asked eyeing me.


“No… I’m internally debating your situation,” I said.


“With a smile as if your about to burst it to laughter?” She asked.


“That’s how I internally debate…” I explained. Busted… “I have a lot to work with already. And your time is over. Please come tomorrow at 11 in the night. And we shall continue from where we left off.”


“We have to return?” Te’ijal asked. “Isn’t it fixed already?”


“Is it? Galahad, what you think your wife is?”


“She is a cursed abomination of darkness!” He shouted.


“Oh husband, how you flirt!” Te’ijal smacked his shoulder with a smirk.


“No, it’s not fixed yet.” I got up and lead the two to the door. “Come back tomorrow. And just return through whatever portal, mirror, sewer lid you came from. Don’t talk with anyone and don’t wiggle those swords around here or you’ll scare one of my neighbors.”




“Good night. See you tomorrow at 11!” And I closed the door.


Te’ijal eyed Galahad, surprised with someone slamming the door on her face without a yell.


“I don’t trust him,” Galahad informed crossing his arms.


“I like him!” Te’ijal stated.


“What you mean: You like him?!” Galahad asked eyeing her surprised.


That couple shall be troublesome. They however seem to have a functional system, he antagonizes her and she loves him more making his life miserable. Heh, after 300 years of marriage it would be expected things had change, but maybe they haven’t because they like it that way. Heh, we shall find out. Now, back to bed.


End of day one of therapy.

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As per usual, spelling fixer ups:

- Te'ijal is not Tei'jal

- "Woohoo after wedding" is called "consummating the marriage", not "consume". Consume = eat --> you can't eat a marriage (unless you're Aesma or something).


Other than that, I love this :D It's funny and surprisingly RARE. The one and only time I saw someone wrote an Aveyond therapy story, it was Blurble writing about Eithera going into therapy to solve her very messed up indescribable relationship with Saurva (and the session obviously went nowhere). I haven't seen any other therapy stories since :P

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Thanks for the correction, d_A. ^^ I fixed them up.

I never read the one about Elini, gotta check it out.


Today, there will be more therapy turned.


Day 2 – Baby steps


When I said 11 in the night I meant 11 in the night. Not 4:33 in the morning. Anyway, since those vampires have no consideration for time I got those two a clock, a digital one…


Galahad smashed it, thought it was a cursed item designed to steal his soul. He seemed to forget the vampire he calls a wife already did that so he had nothing to worry about. I should probably diagnose Galahad alone, just to make sure, he seems just a tiny bit paranoid.


So I changed to work clothes and poured myself a cup of Coke and sat at my office to start therapy again. Galahad was very curious about the bubbly beverage I was consuming. Apparently on Aia people don’t drink Coke.


“What is this beverage?”


“It’s called Coca Cola, good for five things, keeping you up when you want, keeping you up when you don’t want, killing your brain cells, unblocking pipes and recently I found out that it is a great substitute for cursed items to feed an Imp, though it makes them swell like a balloon for a while, and they actually float like one too.”


“How have you found that up?” Te’ijal asked curious.


“Lets just say I do therapy to two twins who are very eager learn the wrong way,” I explained. Yet again, does anyone want to learn the right way?


“So what are we supposed to do today?” Te’ijal went straight to business. I love a woman who’s straight forward.


“Did the two of you discuss our conversation yesterday?” I asked crossing my legs.


“Did we had to?” Te’ijal asked.


I blinked surprised and scratched my head. “Huh… usually people talk about their sessions with their partners…”


“Oh… we didn’t,” she said with a smirk.


“Do you ever talk at all?” I asked.


“Oh yes, all the time! He’s always reminding me what a devious devil spawn I am. I love how he flirts!” She said and Galahad grunted annoyed and I eyed him. “But he’s mad at me now.”


His utter annoyed expression showed me she was right. He was sat down with a pronounced frown, his legs and arms tensed and so stiff you could confuse him for a statue, or a man who hasn’t pooped for a week. All he lacked was to start sending flames off his nostrils!


“Did anything happen yesterday?” I asked eyeing the two.


“She broke the deal!” Galahad explained very quickly.


The what?


“Oh come on darling, it was a onetime slip up, besides, that little runt was asking for it!”


“He was just a kid!”


“Yes, for ‘just a kid’ he handles a knife pretty well!” Te’ijal said shoving her hand on her husband’s face, she had a thin red line on her hand that was healing very well apparently.


“But he could die while you…” Galahad started almost jumping on his wife in a way that obviously pleased that unusual red-haired vampire. Once again, she was confusing her husband’s outburst and outrage for a flirt.


Even though in my opinion, what those two need is consummating their wedding… I would really appreciate if they did not do it, right now (Note to self: Inform them that every rated +18 stuff in my office… will cost them extra!).


While the two discussed about something that I have no idea what, I eyed the two in confusion, apparently they had no intention on filling me in on what happened.


“Oh husband, not here!” She said chuckling.


“I am not flirting you idiotic devil spawn! Humans can die while you can’t!”


Well, not exactly. Last time I checked vampires are pretty mortal creatures. I killed one with a pencil last week; sadly I haven’t been this lucky with Edy…


“Just because I am already in the deceased list doesn’t mean I will let brats do as they please!”




“Can you to please stop and tell me what happened?” I finally snapped causing Galahad to blush embarrassed and scoot away from his wife. Te’ijal just eyed me unmoved by my words.


“But she…”


“But he…”


The two started at the same time and eyed each other. I brushed my head. “Okay, one at the time, what happened, Tee’eyejal? Tê’eejal? Tee’êjal?” I said trying to get the pronunciation of her name right. “Can I call you just Tei for short?”


“No, and it’s Te’ijal!” She corrected a frown crossed her face for a second or two. “What happened is very simple, yesterday, while making our way back to the portal a little human brat tried to assault us.”


“And she almost killed the kid and drank his blood, then left him bleeding to his death there!”


Ooooh, that explains why I saw a skinhead leaving the parking lot yesterday afternoon as if he was high on drugs and with a bleeding vampire bite on his neck. But since past week I saw a troll dragging a woman to a mini-van, I wasn't that surprised so, I decided not to question what happened to the skinhead.


“Well, taking in count the situation it is acceptable,” I started.


Galahad got up outraged with my comment. “How can you say that? That devil spawn could have killed the kids, he’s probably a minor still.”


“Don’t worry husband, I wasn’t going to kill him, besides, I only left him dizzy for a while, he’ll bounce back up!” Te’ijal said with a smirk, but that didn’t make Galahad feel any better.


“Why are you so surprised she bit him? That is the natural behavior of a vampire,” I said eyeing Galahad.


“She PROMISED she wouldn’t eat any more humans!” Galahad shouted looking at me as if asking for help.


I blinked actually surprised at what he said. If he indeed considered his wife a devil spawn, and evil creature, why would he stay so upset over her accidently breaking a promise? It is expected for demons to break promises.


Te’ijal looked away annoyed. “Much against my own will, I admit I might have slipped, but it was an accident, can you please stop exasperating over such a trivial matter?”


I smiled, such a break through already in the second session. It’s obvious the two do have feelings for each other, and probably they couldn’t find any other way of living… undeadness without each other, however, probably due to built up resentment they can’t find a way of working together.


“Everyone makes mistakes, and what you are doing is depriving your wife of a vital need for her survival,” I said. “Vampires need blood.”


“See husband, even the crazy thief agrees with me! Blood is vital for my survival, so I guess you can take back the deal.”


“I’m not a thief…” I mumbled annoyed. “Crazy… depends on the perspective.”


“I knew it, you’re allying to her! You’re a devil too…”


“Mister Galahad, I guarantee you, I am not a demon or anything similar. So let’s stay in the matter at hand. You being so bothered with the fact your wife broke a promise is interesting. Being she a vampire, a devil spawn, breaking promises wouldn’t be something you would expect?”


Galahad flinched to my question. He brushed his head and seemed unaware of what to answer. “Well, but I expected her to well… keep the promise… well… for me.” He finally said.


“I see. And she not doing it how does it make you feel?”


“Disappoints me, a lot,” Galahad confessed and looked at Te’ijal who grunted annoyed.


“It was an accident,” she apologized again.


“Mister Galahad, have you ever consumed blood?”


“No, I would never!” He said. “I wish to hold onto my humanity for as long as I can.”


“Hmmm…Being able to withstand 300 years of starvation is worthy of admiration!” I said, honestly surprised, I never imagined him to be so controlled and strong willed… or stubborn. I’m going to vote the last one as the cause for his will.


“He is stubborn,” Te’ijal explained. “Still chugs down gallons of water to try and fool his own stomach. Foolish Paladin…”


“Anyway, never having tasted blood, it’s normal for him to be able to hold on longer without it, but there will be a day Galahad won’t be able to hold back anymore and he’s going to eat something.”


“That won’t happen!” Galahad said.


“It will happen,” I said. “Even vampires have the inevitable reflex for survival. Once your body has reached his limit of how much starvation it can hold, you will snap and you will try to eat something, anything, regardless of your will and principles!”


“Ooh! How delightful, the awakening of a sleeping beast!” Te’ijal exclaimed, though Galahad looked positively terrified.


“Is there any way to stop that?” He asked.


“You have to fool your body with a substitute for blood. Animal blood sometimes ease on stopping the hunger.”


Galahad brushed his cheek. “As a human, you ate animals, as a vampire, won’t be that different. Even if you eat humans, it won’t affect your humanity.”


He looked at me oblivious of how drinking human blood would leave his humanity unaffected. “Also for that you have to understand Te’ijal’s position. Te’ijal has already consumed blood before. Let me put it in a way you will understand. After you have tasted Sedona’s cheese, try living without it…” I suggested. Honestly, I find cheese repulsive.


Galahad seemed to catch well what I meant. He looked at his wife concerned, as if he was deep in thought. “Plus, for her it is easier to snap out than you, who never drank blood. How do you think Te’ijal feels when you make her let go of a food she so much needs to survive?”


“Does it make you feel bad, wife?” Galahad asked.


Te’ijal smirked, the tables had turned her way. “Yes it does! I need blood my lovely crumpet, and I let go of it for you…”


“However, that does not make it fair for you to try and push blood on your husband!” I said and Te’ijal gave me a murderous glare.


She does not like to be interrupted.


“One thing the two of you haven’t understood yet, is that wedding is made of sacrifices… Actually all unions and relationships are made of sacrifices. Sometimes you have to let go of something to make it work. However, sometimes making too much sacrifices will mean you’ll lose yourself and just become what your partner wants and not who you are. You have to make sacrifices but on the right amount.”


“She made me live in Ghedare!”


“And it’s pretty much obvious who wears the pants on this relationship…” I mumbled, the two looked down.


“I wear pants…” Galahad pointed out.


Why do I always use terms and provocations with people who have no idea what I am talking about? Huuuuugh… These provocations are perfect to light a spark on the clients and yet I chose the better ones for people who won’t get them! I would say it could be worst, but I already have worst.


“So why don’t you two come to a deal that doesn’t emasculate Galahad and doesn’t force Te’ijal to completely change her diet?”


“What kind of deal?”


“Well, Te’ijal needs blood and she only wants human blood, right?” I eyed her to which she gave a superior nod. “While you don’t want her to kill humans. Also, she wishes to stay in Ghedare, while you hate it there?” Galahad nodded.


“So what do you want to get to?” Te’ijal asked.


“Like a said, find a way to make it work for both of you without you having to sacrifice too much of yourself.”


The two eyed each other in silence. I think the silence lasted way too much. For a while didn’t seem like any of them was going to give in first, they are equally stubborn. No wonder their relationship has problems, they’re both so hardheaded it is a miracle anything gets done with them.


“One of you has to give in…” I said, the two looked at me waiting for me to appoint who should give in. I glared at them both.


They looked at me and with a sigh Te’ijal spoke first (Yep, she’s the man!). “Well… I guess you can leave Ghedare once in a while, go to Sedona… eat some cheese (Yuck!).” She gave in sticking her tongue out. “But only at night or with sunscreen, and I have to come too.”


“I guess you can drink human blood, but don’t kill any of them and don’t turn them into vampires!”


“I can’t promise that…” She said with an affected smile while brushing her cheek.


“Wife!” Galahad shouted.


“There is also another option. Around here we have blood dolls, men and women who willingly donate their blood to vampires in return for something, maybe you could do something like that on Ghedare,” I suggested.


“People willingly feed vampires?” Galahad asked outraged. “You people are insane.”


“Yes, I know. But it prevents vampires from murdering everyone on their path,” I explained. “Or, you could always just cut the human you’re going to feed on instead of biting them, maybe that way they won’t turn.”


I honestly don’t know how the vampire thing works on Aia. Around here a vampire just turns either by use of reversed exorcisms or if someone who is bitten happens to be a virgin. Go figure out what virginity has to do with becoming a homo leachus vampiros! And I just made up that designation…


“I guess we could do that…” Te’ijal said. “But you’ll come with me when I feed, no way I am going to leave my lovely crumpet starve like this!”


“I would come regardless; I have to make sure you keep your promise!” He said with a frown.


“See, that wasn’t that hard, was it?” I said stopping the two from starting an argument. The two glared at me and I for a minute shuddered.


Note to self: Buy more pepper spray, and ask that crazy priest for a Sunray Lantern, just in case. I’m prone t accidents, so I won’t admired if any of these vampires try to bite me… Wouldn’t be the first.


“Okay I guess that’s enough for today,” I said looking at the clock. “Try not to get killed on your way out, my next patient is a paranoid priest who’s convinced that even his foot is demonic… so…”


“A human priest poses no threat to me,” Te’ijal remembered. “Besides, vampires are immortal.”


I blinked and opened my office drapes. The both of them hissed and cowered on the shadows. I closed the drapes.


“Early sunrise…” I explained. “What were you saying about being immortal?”


“You’re evil!” Galahad said accusingly.


“Yes, but be careful, sometime ago I killed a vampire with a pencil… Can’t get any mortal than that. Next week, come at, 9 o-clock pm. It’s already night at that time,” I asked. “And, homework for the two: get out of Ghedare for while and go have a nice soiree together, then tell me how it went.”


“We’ll need sunscreen,” Te’ijal said.


“Sunscreen?” I asked curious.


“Yes, it prevents the sun from harming us.”


“How does sunscreen stop the sun from burning vampires?”


“Well, it does,” Te’ijal tried.


“Magic…” The mirror at left of me spoke.


“Your mirror talks! It’s possessed!” Galahad yelled.


Why is everything possessed with him? “It is not possessed…” I looked at the mirror annoyed. “Okay, cya next week!”


And I directed those two out of my office and closed the door before they could say anything else. While Galahad still complained about the possessed spirit inside my mirror that I should deal with. I locked the door and looked at the mirror.


Well, I can’t go to bed anymore now. It’s 6:30. I might as well just file today’s session and get ready for the crazy priest, I'm sure he came up with a new plan to exorcise me. Though...


Seriously, sunscreen? How does that help vampires? Around here, a vampire with sunscreen under the sun is either retarded or suicidal! Magic? Yet again, with that old hag controlling Aia it’s no wonder a lot of things don’t make sense.


“Going to bed?” The mirror started again.


“Come out, old Hag!”


An elderly woman placed her head out of the mirror with a frown. It was non other than the great goddess and Oracle... Thank god I'm not her therapist.


“Who you calling old Hag… thing? Anyway, how’s the therapy going?”


“Te’ijal is hot…” I answered.


“You are not allowed to break her and Galahad up so you can nail her…”


“I wasn’t going to…”


“I know you! Don't even think about it!” She said interrupting me and shoving her finger on my face. Even though Te'ijal is hot, I wasn't thinking that.


“Anyway, I have a little elf I need you to take a look at!” She said with a smirk.


Great!!! More chosen-one train wrecks…




“Ean! He’s gotten a little forgetful… And the Snow Witch wasn’t involved this time.”


“Just hit him with a bowling ball in the head, I’m sure it’ll work…”


I’m such a pro in this area…


End of day two of therapy.

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- I honestly wouldn't call a scar "elegant". Especially your therapist character, being that he/she is a snappy-sarcastic kind of person. Scar = not elegant, even if it's Te'ijal.

- You CAN'T "make" yourself a cup of Coke. You pour yourself a cup of Coke. Making a cup of coke means you go get water, soda, flavouring, and food colouring, then mix them up into Coke.

- Oh, and Coke has to be capitalized. It's a brand name. If it's not strictly Coca Cola, you call it cola and you don't need capital letter for it. Coke without caps means COCAINE.


Not knowing who the "I" person is starting to bother me. WHO ARE YOU, mysterious narrator?


PS: Do put into consideration that BOTTLED BLOOD exist in Aveyond canon. I'm sure Galahad should have nothing against it, especially if he specifically asks for a bottle of non-human blood :) Word of God declares that the bottled blood usually aren't human blood unless the customer orders human blood :)

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HAHAHA! I can actually see someone giving them this kind of therapy.


“We’ll need sunscreen,” Te’ijal said.


“Sunscreen?” I asked curious.


“Yes, it prevents the sun from harming us.”


“How does sunscreen stop the sun from burning vampires?”


“Well, it does,” Te’ijal tried.


Yeah, the sunscreen doesn't make much sense when you think about it, but we accept it.

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Thanks for the corrections d_A I appreciate them.


Poor therepist who gives therapy to those two Esme XD. And ye, the sunscreen doesn't make sense, but it's rpg, doesn't has to make sense XD.


Who is this “I”? It’s the therapist…


Who is this therapist, well he… is not fitted to be a therapist, but he is a good one, regarldess. We are all a bit crazy, some more than others. He’s more than others…


Day 3 – Appearances


Okay, this time I successfully gave Te’ijal and Galahad a clock. I said 9 p.m in the night, and they came four hours earlier, in broad daylight. Thank Void one of my patients thinks he’s a vampire (he isn’t) so I keep that floors drapes closed up, also, thank void I have no neighbors on that floor, my liability for accidents scared them away. I wasn’t at home at the moment, and Mel (no Lars today, he had work) plus the twins were waiting for me, and I was late because the train I was in had a little accident.


Anyway, while I was trying to sneak my way away from the paramedics, Te’ijal and Galahad got a perfect chance to find out what the future holds for Mel and Lars, not that Te’ijal cares, but whatever… and I didn’t question them about it.


Regardless, as I got home, with my clothes burned and what was left of my groceries, I found the five eyeing me in curiosity and I was quickly bombard with “What happened?” from everyone and “You’re late!” from Te’ijal.


You can’t help but get touched with Te’ijal’s understanding.


“Hey, what happened?” Uma asked curious. “Did something blow up?”


“Yes…” I answered. “Mister Galahad and Misses Te’ijal, I said 9 p.m, not 5!” The two brushed their heads embarrassed. “You really need a clock. I’m sorry Mel, these two have no consideration for time.”


“What blew up? Did you blow it up?” Uma interrupted her mother.


“Sush Uma. It’s okay, Doctor. I didn’t know Te’ijal and Galahad were your patients too,” Mel said with a smile.


“Yes, they are receiving couples therapy…” I answered.


“Doing charity work again? You’re too soft!” She said.


“Yes… charity, free therapy.” Not… “Can you two wait while I give the twins and their mother therapy?” I asked at the vampires and just pushed the girl and twins inside slamming the door behind.


For a wizard and ex-spy, Mel sure lacks a lot of common sense and intelligence. I’m going to assume her power and bad temper is what attracted Lars to her, because in good looks and intelligence… Well… Honestly, she’s a waste of power, but heh, I’m not the god of her world, so why do I bother? Noone ever listens to me anyway. As long as the Oracle keeps giving me something nice in return, I’ll fix and screw up all her chosen-ones train wrecks.


So of course, she should have figured out by now (she knows how generous I am), that for me to be giving her kids free therapy, someone ELSE was paying for it. I'm good and all that (when I feel like it) but I'm no Mother Teresa.


Anyway, two hours and a lot of headaches later they finally left, and since the patient that I was supposed to attend after them canceled on me (apparently he had to exorcise his murderous demon twin, which is bad news, since he does not have a twin) I was free to take care of Mister and Misses Smith, vampire edition.


As usual they took the big couches and awaited for me to start the session. I’m glad to note that they seemed very relaxed and alright, especially mister Galahad who has had an “Edward Cullen hasn’t pooped in 100 years” expression for the past two sessions and today looks like he finally made amends with the toilet.


I decided to cut to the chase. “So, did you do your homework?”


“Yes, we did as you requested,” Te’ijal answered first.


“Oh, and what did you do?”


“We went to Mel’s wedding,” Te’ijal answered. “She invited us, she was marrying Lars Tenobor the VIII.”


Note to self: Find a way Te’ijal and Galahad don’t meet Mel around here ever again. Last thing I want is to mes sup time, again (stupid oracle and stupid mirrors and their time distortion issues, and she blames me for HER bad timing).


“And…?” I tried to push them to saying anything else.


“I didn’t eat anyone!” Te’ijal said informed.


“That is wonderful. I bet this made Galahad glad.”


“Yes it did,” Galahad said with a victorious egotistical smile


“So you did enjoy your night out?”


“Yes, it was very good. It was refreshing to socialize with civilized humans and not devil spawns for a change. Plus I found out there is bottled animal blood around Ghedare. How I missed it I shall never know…” Galahad continued.


“I have been pointing that out for quite some time, darling,” Te’ijal said crossing her arms. Apparently, Galahad doesn’t listen to her as often as he should apparently.


“And what did the two of you do together?”


“We were supposed to do stuff together?” Galahad asked.


I eyed them surprised and left my head hang down smacking my forehead. Of course you were supposed to do stuff together! That was the whole point of the soiree out of Ghedare. Aaargh, I’m going to have a hard time with these two!


I mean why am I so surprised? At my age I have seen practically everything! I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, I get hot female vampires with katanas, werewolves with sniper rifles and Lamborghini-riding epic witches battling demons on the shadows right next to my apartment!


I guess those two surprise me because, seriously! They have been together for over three centuries, Te’ijal is HOT, Galahad is charming and I mean, come on. Even if was the pope and had been bitten by Te’ijal I would still do her after a while. Seriously, how can he resist her? How can she resist him?


Back to the therapy.


“Yes… You two were supposed to do stuff together, that was the whole point…” I explained.


“Oooh… You should have been more specific!” Te’ijal said.


“How more specific than ‘have a soiree together’ could you possibly want me to be?” I asked crossing my arms with an annoyed frown.


“I thought you meant just, get out of Ghedare together,” Te’ijal said. “Was that not what you wanted?”


First I thought, no way Te’ijal would be that dumb, but then I saw her smirk. She’s messing with me… Conniving little leach.


Got to love her.


“We didn’t know you wanted us to do stuff together,” Galahad added.


Don’t say it… DON’T! JUDGE, DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT. Do not say it! Don’t, think about something else…


“No, I meant I wanted you two to get out of Ghedare and copulate like bunnies on heat…” I explained with a frown.


DARNIT!! I said it. Note to self: Fire my therapist…


Galahad looked at me shocked in horror, he got what I meant with copulate, while Te’ijal, on the other hand, looked at me amused as if she was about to burst into laughter. That is not something I should say, even though that was what I wanted to happen, I would have been happy if they just danced together or something, but not even that they did. How disappointing. Yet, I could tell by Te’ijal’s face she liked my idea, Galahad didn’t however.


“How can you say that?!” Galahad asked. “Have you no shame?”


“No,” I answered in full honesty.


“Well you should!” Galahad said. Well I can’t, seriously I don’t feel shame, it’s a socially learnt emotion, and I can’t say I’m the best student when it comes to socially acquired emotions.


“Regardless…” I started. “I was indeed hoping you two would consummate your wedding because, that is indeed and healthy aspect of a couple’s life and...”


“It is shameful, not the worthy conduit of a paladin!” Galahad said.


“Husband, please, don’t be so uptight, listen to what he has to say, it sounds interesting,” Te’ijal asked.


“But wife, that is…”


“Shut up and listen!” She ordered and Galahad obeyed grunting to himself. The two looked at me waiting for me to continue.


“Misses Te’ijal, there is no need to force Galahad, I can’t possibly force him to hear me…” I said, trying to hold back a chuckle. She keeps him on a tight leash, poor paladin, no wonder he’s so uptight.


Regardless of what I said, the two just kept silent. Galahad was shifting his weight side to side, grunting still to himself. It did not please him to be emasculated by his wife, I assume it’s normal, it’s not easy for any man to be forced into a life it’s not the one they wished.


“What I was saying was that it’s normal and healthy for a couple to have an intimate relationship, and that is an important part of the relationship in order for it to survive,” I explained. “Do you two even have an intimate relationship?”


They looked at me somewhat confused. “How often do you do stuff together?”


“Sometimes,” Te’ijal answered. Maybe I should give Galahad a chance to answer himself.


“I see…” I looked at them. “When was the last time you two did stuff together, like dance, or talk?”


“We fought together against Ahriman!” Galahad.


“Oh, that was delightful!”


“That happened centuries ago…” I grunted brushing my forehead.


“Well, we helped Mel!” Te’ijal said.


“That doesn’t count because you fought against your husband…” I said. They looked at each other. These two are exhausting. “I mean anything that doesn’t involve saving the world like in the past year, month, week…”


They stared at me blankly for a few minutes looking at each other once in while, I felt my jaw fell open. You gotta be kidding me…


“Don’t you two talk with each other? You live together in same home, don’t you at least talk?”


“Yes, we do,” Galahad was the one to answer brushing his blond bangs back. Even his hair is uptight, heh! I see a lot of repression and bottled up feelings and desires in Galahad.


“About what?” I asked curious.


“Blood…” Te’ijal answered very simply.


“I remember how I hate this situation and Demon spawns…”


I sighed. “Anything else?”


“Oh! I told him I wanted a new ghost, my old ghost is becoming somewhat… un-depressing, and I think it’s time to get rid of it,” Te’ijal remembered calmly.


I perked up. “And did you two go get the ghost?”


They looked at each other. “Not exactly,” Te’ijal answered. “My foolish paladin here believes it is evil and wretched to force a poor soul to become a decoration of our home, but it’s so chique.”


Well, I do feel forced to agree with him, but that’s completely unrelated.


“So let me see if I get this straight, the only thing the two of you do is,” I looked at Galahad, “complain and,” I looked at Te’ijal, “more complaining. Well, at least you do something together.”


They both scratched their heads and I leaned back with a sigh. “And yet you two managed to stay together for 300 years, which completely beats me. This is going to be difficult for me,” and I’m lazy so that makes it even harder. “Do you two really want to make this relationship survive? Do you want to make it work? Or are you just here because the Oracle told you to?”


“The Oracle did told us to come talk with you,” Galahad answered. “She said you would make us living together more easy.”


“Apparently, you and 90% of my patients come here expecting me to solve your problems instantly,” I said. “I’m not supposed to solve your problems; I can’t snap my fingers and kaching! You two madly love each other (well I could, but that always works out wrong). I’m supposed to help you two find a way to solve your divergences and for that, I’ll need a lot of work and collaboration from your end.”


I should had asked this in the first session, not now. “So do you want to save this relationship or not? Because if you don’t there is no point in giving you two therapy.”


“If we didn’t we wouldn’t have bothered coming a third or second session,” Te’ijal pointed out frowning.


I grinned. “Very well, homework for you two: I want you two to have a civilized conversation with each other at home, and until next session I want you to know and tell me three things the other enjoys.”


They eyed at each other. “So basically tell you three things my lovely crumpet likes?”




“We can do that!”


“But I mean, I want you two to talk with each other, not depart into an endless quest to get an orb that says that you!” Apparently nowadays there’s an orb for everything.


“There’s an orb for that?” Galahad asked and I death glared at him. “Okay, sorry, I got it, talk with the devil spawn.”


“Okay,” I got up and grabbed my digital clock. “This is for you to know the time.”


“No! I shall not take that devious artifact, it shall steal my soul.”


“Mister Galahad, your wife already stole your soul!” I said. “This is not an artifact, it’s a clock, a small device that says what time is it on the day. And you’re going to take it rather you want it or not, because, if you get at the wrong time again to my sessions I’ll kick you out the window…” I explained with a gentle smile.


“You’re kidding, right?” Galahad stared at me surprised and Te’ijal smirked.


“I would like to see you try!” Te’ijal said with a smirk.


“Give me three days to go kidnap a Mister Face from an alternative universe and I’ll show you…” I answered back. Seriously, I’m not physically strong enough to do that.


“How does this, clock, work?” She asked.


“You just see what time it shows, it’s digital so it’s easy to tell,” I explained. “Well, see you Friday at 20:00 hours o-clock. When it appears 20:00 on the clock, then that’s the time you’re supposed to get here.”


I directed the two out of my office. “Alright. But…” Galahad started but I already had slammed the door at them leaving the two outside. When session time is over, session time is over.


“I really am starting to dislike that guy…” Galahad complained; Te’ijal chuckled in answer.


And the two crawled back to whatever portal, mirror, sewer lid the Oracle opened for them to get here. Seriously, I wonder what they’re using to get here. Aia doesn’t exactly has space ships. Interdimensional portals, yes, she’s probably using a mirror, or one of those portals she uses to connect to Aveyond.


I honestly don’t know what to do with those two, so I’ll have to study a little. There is resentment there, but they do care for each other. Maybe next session I’ll make them say what they like about each other and what they don’t like about each other.


Now, let me go get my thieving materials so I can go break into the Library. Yes, I’m going to break into a Library, why? Because I’m sort of banned from it for life and the book about couples therepy I want is there.

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*facepalm* The therapist is a MAN? He talks and thinks more like a woman. Or rather, a teenage girl from a YA romance novel >.<


“My foolish paladin here believes it is evil and wretched to force a poor soul to become a decoration of our home, but it’s so chique.”

1) LOL, maybe you could go pick up one of those ghosts from Underfall. I'm sure they're actually BORN as ghosts :D :D :D :D

2) It's "chic", not "chique". Chic = stylish. Chique = French for chewing gum. I suppose it still works sort of, because in some languages chique just translates to the English chic, but this IS English. In English you spell it "chic".


Side note: Galahad is too much of a goody-goody-knight to divorce his wife even though he hates her guts. He cares more about the marriage vows than he cares about his own hatred for his wife. Just saying, in case you missed that minor tidbit from the game.


For a wizard and ex-spy, Mel sure lacks a lot of common sense and intelligence. I’m going to assume her power and bad temper is what attracted Lars to her, because in good looks and intelligence… Well…

I like to think that her encounters with Gyendal left a permanent... er, mark on her psyche, but that's just me being such a huge Gyendal and Gy/Mel fangirl that I just had to mention it in every chance I got. Also, I'm glad that you and I agree that Mel isn't exactly good-looking :evil:

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This is funny but I'm a RhenxLars supporter so I'm just gonna go on pretending that you Mean Lars VI or whatever number of the Lars that shows in AV3.


Anyway keep up the good work! :)

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I think she does mean Lars VIII, given that AV1's Lars would be long dead by the time AV3 takes place. It would probably just be too awkward for the therapist to add "the 8th" all the time.

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Hello all. Ready for more couples therapy?


And Yes D_a, he’s a man. He’s somewhat bitchy, but depends on the day and his mood. Actually, depends in a lot of things, like I said he’s not fitting to be a therapist because he himself needs one. He can however be a very mature, intelligent and logical man.


… PFFFT… *loles* yep, couldn’t keep a straight face throughout that sentence.


And when he said Lars he meant Lars the VIII... And I'm glad your haing fun. Today's session will be more professional.


Anyway, have fun.



Day 4 – Emotions vs Reason


Humans are by far the most irrational creatures I have ever met. Human nature is based on their emotions and not on their reason. Even animals can be more reasonable and act in a more understanding, predictable pattern than humans. Humans are unstable and unpredictable; they do not follow the laws of rationality they themselves created, in the end…


“Oh my!” Te’ijal exclaimed.


And boom! There goes my overly elaborate conclusion about human rationality. I say, whenever I’m having an epiphany someone always ruins it somehow, like doing a useless remark at an inappropriate moment.


I set down my papers over my lap and eyed the couple of vampires standing disturbed at my door, staring at my current client. “You are early, by 10 hours…”


“There is a naked old ghost floating in your living room!”


“Why! How rude!” The naked “old ghost” said crossing his legs. My eyebrow twitched. I did not need to see his wrinkled… focus Seres, focus.


“Mister and Misses Teomes, please leave! You are upsetting the Baron, once I’m done with his session, I’ll call you in,” I calmly said fixing my glasses onto my face. The two blinked somewhat surprised with my behavior. “Please forgive them, Baron, but they do not know how to see the time.”


Galahad, looking ashamed and embarrassed, dragged his wife who apparently wanted to say something at me but because he dragged her out she could not.


I really relate to the Baron. I mean, like me, he is away from his real world and away from all those dear to him, which means he has to do some pretty evil nasty things just to return home (this last part doesn’t apply to me, I just can’t return home for multiple unrelated reasons that do not require me to do anything to fix them - the gods really are not going to let that one slip). Regardless, I have been trying to make the Baron see that intentions do not justify the means, even if it’s to get back to your wife and loved ones (even though I do not agree with this, most of the cases, the intentions do justify the means).


I just don’t like him when he prances around naked. I mean, Galahad and Te’ijal just saw his wrinkled behind and became truly disturbed! I, in the other hand, inevitably have to stare at the full ‘package’ every session, especially when he’s crossing and uncrossing his legs, and he’s a really old dude, so the view down there, ain’t good!


How I can hold to my professionalism with the Baron I am truly unable to explain… My own brain is a maze of unknown…


Pffft… Back to serious business.


Anyway, when the Baron finally left, looking alive and not ghost, dressed and walking (not floating), Te’ijal and Galahad could finally come meet me. Te’ijal seemed annoyed while Galahad looked like he was being constipated again.


They sat down and Te’ijal started. “How dare you kick me out?!”


I brushed my head and sat back down. “You were disturbing my client…”


“Since when do you care about your clients?” The mirror behind me asked.


“None of your business you, voyeur!” I yelled back at the mirror.


That’s going to bite me back in the behind when this session is over. I should probably get rid of that Portal but last time I did it the Oracle literally went to get James’ Pyramid Head to chase me around with his great Sword. It was the most amusing chase I ever undergone. I mean, I had to wait and taunt PH for him to catch up with me and every time he caught up with me, it took him half a year to lift up his sword which gave me enough time to flee and joke with him again. After an hour of this I got bored and just went to the Oracle and asked her if that was the best she could do, then she pulled out the Staff of Destiny and preceeded to beat the crud out of me with it.


That wasn’t very smart of me, but you can’t blame me, at the time that witch had stolen my left eye and made a orb out of it, and my left eye is responsible for my traits of intelligence, logic and etcetera, etcetera… Thank god I already grew it back otherwise I wouldn’t be able to do anything other than raise mayhem…


“You’re mirror is still possessed…” Galahad pointed out.


I sighed. “Did you two do your homework?”


“Yes we did, and we did not quest for any orb,” Galahad informed.


“We found a mirror instead,” Te’ijal informed.


“The Legendary Mirror of Good Traits,” Galahad answered. “We had to battle a group of man eating vicious harpies to obtain it.”




The two flinched staring at the pencil I just subconsciously broke in my hand while smiling at them with a peaceful expression.


“A-are you okay?” Galahad asked.


“I’m fine, may I see it?” I asked still smiling (my jaw face is starting to hurt but I can’t stop doing this annoyed smile). Galahad got up and handed the mirror to me, a beautifully adorned hand mirror with two mirror glasses on each side. For a moment I saw my true reflection the next… the mirror literally cracked. “Oh, it broke.”


“What?!” The two yelped and I got up and threw the mirror out the window.


I heard it hit someone downstairs and someone yelling. I flinched and looked out the window. Thankfully it just scared a girl up who was now making rude gestures up at me and calling me an insultuous name that insinuated that I was homosexual.


“You threw the mirror! How are we going to do what you asked us to?!” Te’ijal asked.


“It cracked with my reflection…” I said.


“Maybe you have no good traits,” Galahad sugggested.


“Then it would show no reflection, not crack,” I explained.


“So how are we going to do what you asked of us?” Te’ijal inquired again frowning at me and crossing her arms.


“It’s really not that hard,” and I sat back down crossing my legs. “Just look at each other and tell me what you like about each other.”


They stared at each other. Silence fell for a while and I frowned analyzing their expression. They stared at each other not with confused looks, they knew well whatever they wanted to say to each other, but neither wanted to be the first to go, neither wanted to resign to the other first. Both equally stubborn, both strong willed in whatever principles that kept them living, it was obvious they weren’t going anywhere. I waited a bit more before finally speaking, it was quite amusing seeing they giving each other’s commanding looks, trying to silently make the other give in. It was a mental battle royal of will.


“One of you has to be first,” I finally interrupted their silent quarrel, they looked at me. “Why don’t you go first Mister Galahad, since your wife was first last time?”


Galahad, resigned, brushed his head and looked at his wife concentrated, then, blushing in somewhat embarrassed and reluctant way, he unwillingly murmured.


“I like how… se can be really, really brave.”


“Is that the best you could come up with?” Te’ijal asked unpleased, she apparently wanted to ear another kind of compliment, maybe something of a more devilish nature? Yet, I could see the corner of her lip’s frown twitching involuntarily to a smile. How cute…


“Hey! It’s hard to find good traits on a forsaken devil spawn of your kind!” Galahad growled pointing his finger at his wife, annoyed and with her taking his attempt in such low consideration.


“So you think she’s brave…” I said.


“Yes, she can face terrible demons and monster for the sake of the world!”


“So she’s altruistic too?” I asked.


“What? No, I usually must force her!”


I eyed Galahad and then eyed Te’ijal. “I find it hard to believe that you force her to help you.”


“She is an evil devil spawn!” He said, he was trying to reason with what I was saying, I could see a certain rage and disgust on his behavior. “I must make her help, she never helps no one of her own free will!”


“Why you? What about with Rhen? You did not make me to help her! It was my choice!” Te’ijal exclaimed obviously insulted. “Same with Mel, I was the one who went to get your suicidal behind so we could stop my bratty brother!”


“Well, but that time you were a human you wouldn’t help!” He said.


“THAT’S BECAUSE I COULD…” oh dear, she’s cursing, “… DIE!!!”


“But that is…”


“Shut your trap, husband!” She yelled at him. “I didn’t want to go because I could die! I was a human! You have any idea how pathetically FRAGILE humans are?! And I actually like humans, but THEY CAN DIE!”


“When we were vampires, VAMPIRES, who are stronger, faster more powerful than humans and that can withstand most attacks a human can’t, I HAD to drag your suicidal behind after me because you were too worried and too sad about being a ‘monster’ to do anything yourself!! Why you sorry excuse for a man! And now you’re saying you had to force me to help? Seriously? SERIOUSLY, GALAHAD?”


Okay, the vampire is positively angered. I just stood watching not knowing if I should look surprised, smile, or just chuckle of how entertaining this whole scene was. If Galahad could sink in his seat he would. Poor paladin, I now understand why he’s trying to hold on to his virtue. I can imagine him shackled to the bed and Te’ijal in leather with a whip ready to give him some bossing around.


“I was the one dragging your behind! The only time I didn’t want to I had just been turned into a HUMAN! A puny, fragile human that even a priestess like Stella could beat the heck out of me if she felt like it! So did I want to help? OF COURSE NOT! I COULD HAVE DIED!”


The argument was extending so I tried to stop the two. Lifting my hands I interrupted the two before that turned into a fight. “Okay, that’s enough you two, there’s no need in to start the battle for Thais in here!”


“I hate how he is always so goody-goody!” She said crossing her arms, staring at her husband. “And I’m always the bad one!”


“I thought you liked being evil…” Galahad said. “Oh my...” He finally got it! Halleluiah.


Te’ijal blinked and realized what she just said. She covered her mouth and looked away dumbstruck. I just stared at the two. I say, I think my logical eye is keeping my cheerfull irresponsible one in shackles today, normally I would have burst into laughter by now, yet I was able to hold onto my professionalism.


“That is good,” I said fixing my glasses that were menacing to fall off my nose. I really should fix them.


“I didn’t mean any of that!!” Te’ijal started trying to reason out all of what she just said. “Like I would be afraid of anything!”


“There is nothing wrong with what you said,” I informed. “Do you agree, Mister Galahad?”


Galahad looked down and started playing with his fingers silently. He avoided my looks. “Alright…” I said and I got up walking to the window. “What just happened Misses Te’ijal?” I know the answer for that, but want her to think.


“I… I don’t know why I lost my temper,” she answered ashamed of herself, brushing her cheek and looking at me avoidant. “I didn’t want to say that, or even let it out.”


“You got carried away,” I said leaning against the ledge of the window. “You got excited and left yourself go with your emotions.”


“I am a vampire! Emotions are useless for us! We don’t feel them!” She said outraged.


I chuckled, for a vampire who ‘doesn’t feel emotions’… she’s being quite emotional. Yet I should be used to this, since Aristoteles, most Human species have a growing disregard for emotions when in comparation to reason. Reason is in the top of the chain and emotions are just an annoying accessory… little do they know that it’s the other way around.


“Isn’t shame an emotion? Because I’m sure you showed that just a second ago,” I asked crossing my arms, an amused smile on my face. Oh, I’m having a blast, I love emotions and anything that has to do with them.


“But emotion just gets in the way,” Te’ijal said. I smiled, Te’ijal had returned to her usual self. Getting emotional isn’t something usual with Te’ijal, she’s well poised and controlled, even more than Galahad, and her grin had returned. “And you’re not going to deny to me that emotions can make you humans do pretty stupid things…”


“One, I’m not a human. Two, how so?” I asked hoping to be directing them to the road I wanted. Te’ijal stared at me and frowned, but the one who answered was Galahad.


“Well, huh, emotions can get in the way of you doing your duty, like killing devil spawns and evil-doers. If you can get distracted and do things… wrong? Or not think right? Or maybe you’ll feel pitty and let an evil doer off and… yes…”


He was analyzing my expressions, trying to see if his answer was what I wanted to hear. But I did not change my expression, just kept smiling, yet he kept looking for an answer. Is he seeking my approval for his answer? May his behavior be a sign that he has a social need to be accepted by all those he considerers to have even a hint of social morality? His repressed self may be a result of his need to be socially accepted. The best way to gain social acceptance it’s by being good and righteous at all time so that society does not condemn your “wrong” behavior.



“Humans disregard emotions so much,” I said. “Emotions are essential for survival and are inevitable. Even soulless creatures feel emotions, many of them feel no social emotions, but they do have the others and even empathy.”


I walked to side explaining them, like a proud psychology teacher getting excited over his favorite subject. “Emotions are complicated but there are basic ones that all sapiens, demons, vampires, werewolves… all humanoids, all creatures who can call themselves ‘human’ feel. Wrath, fear, happiness, sadness, disgust, anticipation or interest and surprise, all are necessary for survival, necessary for our mind and our bodies to work with the striking perfection they do. And because ‘humans’ like to complicate things, these basic emotions have complicated and boiled up into a pretty tasty fillet mignom that not even Chef Ramsay himself could prepare.”


They stared at me completely oblivious of what I was talking about. I brushed my cheek. Note to self: Not use Earthling humans in analogies directed to non-Earthling humans…


“Love, embarrassment, shame, guilt, anxiety and many many others fill the criteria for the complex ones. The pain in the derriere of Emotional Psychology, the coup du grace of this subject,” I said. Okay, I’m running away from the subject of this session and I’m confusing the two. Stay on focus, don’t go around explaining what emotions are, just stick with the program.


“My intentions today were to watch your emotional behavior. The way you would react to one another over hearing what the other considered to be the best off you,” I explained. “All I saw today, sadly, was just repressed anger, disappointment and bitterness and a very, very neglected relationship. Is there any love in there? I don’t know, there is devotion. Te’ijal is devoted to you Galahad, so much she desperately is seeking for you to accept who and what she is.”


The two blinked and stared at me, Te’ijal was going to say something but I lifted my hand asking her to wait. I know she was going to contradict me.


“And you Galahad. I don’t know if you love Te’ijal, and I don’t know where your devotion for her starts and the need to accomplish a wedding contract ends. Either way you two are neglecting each other emotionally. Like I said, emotions are essential for individual survival, and for a relationships’ survival. They are the fuel of our behavior, our reason, everything about the ‘human’ entity depends on them.”


“We’re vampires…” Galahad said before I could stop him.


“I said human entity, not human being nor homo Sapien Sapiens… When I say human, I refer to everything that has a human entity, and I have seen in-human sapiens and extremely human demons. So in my standards, vampires, demons, sapiens and even the Predator from an alternate Universe and Planet are humans. But that’s off topic.”


Great, now I lost my wheel of thought. I brushed my head and walked back to them sitting on the sofa.


“So what should we do?” Te’ijal asked me.


“What you think you need?” I asked. If I giving the answers solved everything, James wouldn’t still be dragging Pyramid Head around.


They stared at me and I sighed, sadly, sometimes, I do have to give the answers. “Simpathy, affection, support and understanding, what you think that is?”


“What we’re lacking to make this work?” Te’ijal answered.


Finally, an answer I was waiting for. “Today, no homework. Just think about what I said today.”


“But we still have a few minutes left!” Galahad pointed.


Please don’t ruin this moment. I’m feeling glad, fulfilled today. The therapy got to the point I wanted from it, so please don’t ruin it. “There’s nothing else needed to be discussed, but if you want okay…” I said. The two sat quietly looking at me, for a few minutes no one spoke and I just looked occasionally to my clock.


“We should leave…” Te’ijal finally decided. “What time do we come again?”


“9 pm…” I answered as they got up, I directed them to the door and closed it saying. “See you next Friday.”


Aaaah, I walked back in stretching my arms. Great, the day has barely started and I already feel drained. No wonder, a dose of the nude baron followed by Bella and Edward’s nemesis in dysfunctional vampire relationships is enough to drain the life out of any god, being, angel or spirit… I walked to my desk to check who else I had for today and whimpered.


Greeeeat, I have the Phantomhive brat, absolutely adorable. Just what I needed, be annoyed by a snoby, narcissistic brat, who, surprise of surprise, did a deal with a devil so he could avenge his parents, and then, after accomplishing his revenge, became a demon! Oh my god! And of course, his perfect, flawless demon butler will come to serve his master...


Aaaah, clichés, people never get tired of you, do they?


“Oh… my… goodness… You were professional today!” A voice in the mirror said, and the old hag, the Oracle slid out.


“I suppose you’re not here to rid me of my two next clients are you?”


“Oh no, I just wanted to congratulate you for sounding like a therapist until five seconds ago!” She said crossing her arms with a smirk.


Oh, oracle, you drive me insane! Which is to be praised since my mental health is nowhere near sane. What would I do without her? Probably wage more mayhem.



He's such an… abnormal person.


Anyway… have you noticed that in The Darkthrop (sp?) Prophecy… Stella is even stronger than Te’ijal? Seriously? She was even stronger than Galahad! You two should be ashamed of yourselves…


Therapist: That’s because you leveled up Stella when the two weren’t in your group. So you finished the game with Stella five levels above everyone else. Also, you never added Galahad to the party, only time you did was when Edward died in a battle and you had nothing to revive Edward and even in that battle Galahad was useless, and once you revived him, you got rid of Galahad again.


That’s it; you’re never watching me play games again.


Anyway, I shall cya next session. Hope you enjoyed this one. Like I said, the therapist can be professional.

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He’s somewhat bitchy, but depends on the day and his mood. Actually, depends in a lot of things, like I said he’s not fitting to be a therapist because he himself needs one. He can however be a very mature, intelligent and logical man.


It's not the bitchiness that made him sound like a woman. No, a teenage girl from one of those Twilight-knockoff Mary Sue romance novel. It's the way the bitchiness SOUNDS.


Oh look at me, fussing over minor details like that.


Moving on.


This supposedly "for the lulz" story is taking a turn to the "deep and meaningful" area somehow. So...


It's funny how differing character interpretation can take stories. I never saw Te'ijal as someone who would deny having emotions. Gyendal, I can see. He's just that kind of pompous guy who thinks he's above petty little things like that, but Te'ijal? No way. She does have emotions and she doesn't look like the type who would deny it. She DID admit to liking humans, after all. And her husband. I'm sure being vampires did not somehow strip one off common sense.


And Te'ijal's refusal to help? Canon-wise it's actually shallower. She just feels embarrassed about being seen as a human. She thinks being able to enjoy eating carrot as something HORRIBLE. If you played the third game and read Te'ijal's letters... Yeah. She hates being human simply because she isn't used to it. Of course, being a vampire has much more advantages anyway (stronger, able to see in the dark, don't get sick, cannot gain weight, etc etc etc).


Again, differing character interpretation. I'd say Gyendal has more character baggage than Te'ijal and Galahad, but that's only because the dev team care too little about him that characterization don't match up most of the time and this IS a marriage counseling/therapy thing.


Anyway… have you noticed that in The Darkthrope (sp?) Prophecy… Stella is even stronger than Te’ijal?

It's spelled "Darkthrop". You got it right, but get rid of the "e".

Stella has magic. Her magic is super special awesome, more super special awesome than Te'ijal and Galahad's melee fighting skills. Duh. Have you noticed that in ALL the Aveyonds that ever existed magic attacks always cause more damage than physical attack?

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Well, he is giving therapy, eventually he has to actually do some therapy not just b**** out... Even if it's for the lols, he still has a job to do, and sometimes, things will go deep.


Ye... I don't really care that much about Gyendall since he turned out to be such a fail villain.... if he wasn't a fail villain, i would adore to mess with him, but nah.


I only played Aveyond 3 so far. Still trying to get someone to borrow me or gift me Aveyond 1, or wait until i get a job to buy it.


And... "a teenage girl from one of those Twilight-knockoff Mary Sue romance novel"?


Really? He sounds like that? Why does he sound like that? *scratches head and reads the story again* really, why do you say he sounds like that? If I can, I'll give him a personality makeover...

He's the only character I have who has a good excuse to never have the same personality two chapters in a row.

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