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SorceressSyrena45

Black Hearted Love

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Okay this is my first attempt at a story so please go easy on me

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Ch 1: Premonitions

 

I was running fast and hard through some dark stone corridor and behind me were some men covered with black cloaks as I ran i turned into a corridor reaching dead end.I spung around to see them in row blocking my path then one behind them comes forth and reaches out his hand to me saying

 

"join me Solinda and we can be together forever"

 

Suddenly I fell a hard blow to my stomach and double over the pain opens my eyes and I find myself in the room I share with four other girls in the orphanage.Above me is Mistress Deldan the second in command the orphanage

 

"Wake up your highness"I hear her sneer as she prods me again with her cane. I grunt to let her know I'm awake.

 

A dream I think a very disturbing dream but just a dream.but somehow i still have chills going up and down my spine and this sense of for boding and goosebumps.But I shake it off and get out of bed before The Orgress breaks out her whip I still haven't fully recovered from the last whipping.

 

The morning went by just as usual breakfast then we did our chores while Acelia and I were washing the dishes I told her about my dream and she said

 

"Solinda it was just a dream,it doesn't mean anything"

 

"I know but I just can't shake this feeling.Call it woman's intuition but something bad is coming I can feel it"I said feeling a sudden chill or drop in temperature but Acelia just shakes her head,Ah ever practical Acelia she doesn't place much on superstition or magic and she doesn't have the greatest sense of curiosity or adventure but she has always had my back in everything,with her blonde hair,grey eyes and pale skin she is very pretty and boys are always chasing after her while they ignore me I really don't care, these boys are too stupid to look behind a girls face or body.

 

Just then the Ogress pokes her head into our business "are you ladies done?,then back to work!"She says opening her whip.Oh what I would give to grab it and use it on her,but then they would beat me bloody and I'm still not fully recovered yet,oh well.

 

The day progressed well enough and finally it was the afternoon then I finally escape to the forest with Galen,the carpenter's son just outside the town gates is this huge hollow tree there we hide the weapons and clothes.As I change from the shabby brown dress I usually wear to a dark green shirt pants and cloak with black boots and brown leather gloves I see Galen carry a beautiful magnolia bow with carved flowers and Vines on it and a full quiver of arrows I gasped and said

 

"Galen where did you get those?"

 

"I made them,Happy Birthday Solinda"he said simply

 

"You should sell them you would get a good gold from them"I said still in surprise.I had completely forgotten today was my birthday now I'm 16 just two more year then I can leave that dreadful place.

 

"Not happening I made this for you and your going to keep them"he said putting them into m hands

 

"Thanks"I say and hug him with the gifts in my hands

 

"Now lets go hunt!"he says and speeds off into the forest.I soon follow him and forget the uneasy feeling I had the whole day.

 

--------------------------------------------------------Okay I hope you like it questions,comments or criticism are all welcomed

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I think it shows good start and promise to be a good story. However, you will need to work on your sentence structure and grammar. You have some run-on sentences which do detract from the effect. However you have what I lack, which is the imagination to think of such a story in the first place! So, keep on and you will get better on the details.

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That was a nice story, Syrena =) But as Belinda said, you should be more careful with the grammar. Well, I’ve corrected as far as I could in the following with bold letter:

 

 

 

I was running fast and hard through some dark stone corridor and behind me were some men covered with black cloaks as I ran i turned into a corridor reaching dead end.I spun around to see them in row blocking my path then one behind them came forth and reaches out his hand to me saying

 

"join me Solinda and we can be together forever"

 

Suddenly I fell a hard blow to my stomach and double over the pain opened my eyes and I found myself in the room I shared with four other girls in the orphanage.Above me was Mistress Deldan the second in command the orphanage

 

"Wake up your highness"I heard her sneered as she prodded me again with her cane. I grunted to let her know I was awake.

 

A dream I thought a very disturbing dream but just a dream.but somehow i still had chills going up and down my spine and this sense of for boding and goosebumps.But I shook it off and got out of bed before The Orgress broke out her whip I still hadn't fully recovered from the last whipping.

 

The morning went by just as usual breakfast then we did our chores while Acelia and I were washing the dishes I told her about my dream and she said

 

"Solinda it was just a dream,it doesn't mean anything"

 

"I know but I just can't shake this feeling.Call it woman's intuition but something bad is coming I can feel it"I said feeling a sudden chill or drop in temperature but Acelia just shook her head,Ah ever practical Acelia she didn't place much on superstition or magic and she didn't have the greatest sense of curiosity or adventure but she had always had my back in everything,with her blonde hair,grey eyes and pale skin she was very pretty and boys were always chasing after her while they ignore me I really didn't care, these boys were too stupid to look behind a girls face or body.

 

Just then the Ogress poked her head into our business "are you ladies done?,then back to work!"she said opening her whip.Oh what I would give to grab it and used it on her,but then they would beat me bloody and I was still not fully recovered yet,oh well.

 

The day progressed well enough and finally it was the afternoon then I finally escaped to the forest with Galen,the carpenter's son just outside the town gates was this huge hollow tree there we hid the weapons and clothes.As I changed from the shabby brown dress I usually wore to a dark green shirt pants and cloak with black boots and brown leather gloves I saw Galen carrying a beautiful magnolia bow with carved flowers and Vines on it and a full quiver of arrows I gasped and said

 

"Galen where did you get those?"

 

"I made them,Happy Birthday Solinda"he said simply

 

"You should sell them you would get a good gold from them"I said still in surprise.I had completely forgotten today was my birthday now I was 16 just two more year then I could leave that dreadful place.

 

"Not happening I made this for you and your going to keep them"he said putting them into my hands

 

"Thanks"I said and hugged him with the gifts in my hands

 

"Now lets go hunt!"he said and speeded off into the forest.I soon followed him and forgot the uneasy feeling I had the whole day.

 

 

 

And it’d be better if you space between the “fullstop(.)” and the next line and the first letter of a sentence with a Capital letter. ;)

 

^^

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Thank you for the compliments and the criticism here is chapter 2

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Ch 2: The Stranger

 

Around dusk we returned to Syras with two deers and a basket of medicinal plants which we split evenly.Then we changed into our normal clothes and went separate ways.As I headed inside Beldon's shop through the back door I check to see if the guards had seen me with the deer, because technically Galen and I were poaching on Lord Winfick's lands which would earn us a day in the stocks.But there is a mutual agreement between everyone in the town,since everyone benefits from the poached deer no one wants to report it.

 

"Ah here you are,I was beginning to worry the guards had gotten you"he said as I come in.

 

"Don't worry about me,those thick skulled morons couldn't catch me if they tried"I said remembering how I got an entire deer through the gates on my first hunt and they didn't notice.

 

"Yes,but be careful none the less"he said and his brow creased in concern.

 

"Aw,you were actually concerned about me,that is so sweet"I gushed secretly feeling happy about it.There are very few people who I trust and even less that I care about.

 

"No I just care about losing the majority of my supply"he said blushing a little.I bit back a giggle.

 

"Anyway are we going to talk or trade"I ask defiantly he just smilies. Beldon is hearty and strong fellow with black hair,black eyes and deeply tanned skin. Some call him coarse or crude but he is just a down to earth and will never tell you a lie in addition he gives the best price on poached deer.

 

After the trading is done I gave 20 gold coins for the whole deer but for most people in Syras it a generous amount.I have heard that this town was once a thriving town full of commerce but then the Lord of this region died and his son took over then all the money was spent on luxuries for the New Lord and Lady Winfick now all money from trade goes to them and we don't see one gold coin.

 

After I leave I go to Muriella,The town herbalist. She is very kind and good in a motherly way and is a gentle person but with a strong stomach too. Because every time some one is hurt they are taken to her. She can handle seeing someones guts and insides without problems but I just vomit every time. Anyway I just traded her the medicinal plants I gathered. Now seeing and collecting the plants has given me specific knowledge of what they are and what they are used for which is helpful when you get injured in the woods and don't want to explain to the guards how you got hurt.

 

Now It's about twilight and I'm running back to the orphanage because soon enough they will close the doors and I'll be left to spend the night on the streets.I slip through at the last second!. In the Dining Hall they are already eating dinner,The Head Mistress was surprisingly not at the head of the table but on the second seat to the right,she always reminded me of a snake small slit like eyes and she hisses at those who interrupt her.Yes definitely a snake cold,cruel,and merciless as a snake.But at the head Is a obese man I have never seen before but was not hard to figure out who he was as to how he was dressed and how the head mistress was seeking to please him,Lord Winfick and the woman to his left was his wife lady Winfick dressed as if they were in a royal party with nobility. There was another man to the lords right with them but hidden in the shadows I got closer and overheard them saying

 

"I'm sure we can find you a suitable girl for your manor,Sir"The Head Mistress said

 

"I hope so madame,I'm looking for a specific girl"The stranger said in a deep husky voice

 

"After dinner I shall announce it to the girls and you can see for yourself"She said

 

"But for now lets eat and enjoy!"the Lord said in a high girlish voice and I nearly snorted in laughter.

 

I took a seat next to Acelia and she said "what is so funny?"

 

"Our dear lord sounds like a squeamish little girl"I said breaking down into giggles and I saw Acelia laughing silently too.

 

But then we turned to our food and ate,and for once we were completely full.After dinner The Head Mistress did as she said and had us line up and he went down the line looking at girls then at a strange crystal until he came upon me and that crystal glowed,strange.Even stranger was his reaction he looked as if he had found out he wasn't a commoner but a prince.He looked at me with victory plain on his face which I still couldn't tell except very pale skin.

 

"I'll take this one"he said pointing to me as if I were a piece of meat or furniture

 

"Sir,she is incredibly rebellious and uncontrollable"The head Mistress objected looking bit shaken as if I would do something to embarrass her right now, fascinating idea but no there is no chance of it

 

"She is the one I shall take and that is final. As for being rebellious I am sure I can tame her"He said looking at me and grinning

 

you want to bet I think.

 

"Very well,her things shall be packed and loaded into a carriage"The Head Mistress said,defeated.

 

"Come,Solinda we must get you ready for tomorrow"The Ogress grabbed my arm and started dragging me away bruising my arm

 

"What is your name,my dear?"he asked

 

I pulled away from the ogress and said "Solinda"

 

"What a beautiful name"he said as the Ogress lead me away to the bath area and striped me of my clothes,pushed me into a tub of hot water and began manhandling me.When I came out my skin was red from how hard she scrubbed me and I was missing a few hairs from her attempt to disentangle my hair.As I went to sleep I wondered just who was this man and what was I headed for.I decided to find out.

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Though no one posted I'm writing this for myself so here is chapter three where things finally get interesting

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Ch 3: Winds Of Change

 

With that in mind I got out of bed got dressed and snuck out of the room. I tiptoed past the other rooms and propped open a window in the hall then grabbed a branch of a nearby tree and began to clim down. When I reached the ground I paused and strained out my ears to hear any movement then I ran inside the shadows through the streets.As I came upon the gate I stopped,naturally they were closed.I glanced around and found a large vine of Ivy crawling on the gate wall,I grabbed the Ivy and began to climb once on top I crouched down to the floor and into a tower I looked down there beneath this window was a ledge about ten feet down,I had no choice I had to go down.I got on my stomach and went feet first.After a rather frightening small fall I finally got down.I really hate heights.

 

I ran off into the forest always making sure the road to the manor was always in my sight.When I got there I beheld the enormous three storied house and a smaller two storied house joined it from the back,the servants quarters,a place were every girl in the orphanage wanted to live.I went the long way around to the back of the house seeing as his Kennel was nearby.As I got to the door I pulled but obviously it was locked,good thing I have a needle so I can pick it a little trick I learned while being in the punishment room at the Orphanage when we were not given food or water and locked in there because of some mischief we made I manage to stand two days of going hungry then at night I took a needle and tried my hand at lock picking.It took me three hours but I finally figured it out and snuck into the kitchen to get some food.But unlike that first time it took me three minutes to do so and I was in.

 

I wandered in the rooms of the manor then I eventually found the guest room. The door barely opened just a crack but I was able to see what was happening.The same man at dinner was talking to someone in the mirror.

 

"I have found her my lord!"he said wonderfully

 

"Are you sure it is her?"the man in a dark red cloak said

 

"yes the crystal gave a strong and immediate reaction to her.Also I spoke with the mistress of that place and said the girl had the sign on her back"He exclaimed

 

"very well bring her to us immediately"the man said

 

"Yes I have plans to take her there tomorrow"he said

 

"And she has no idea about the prophecy or her powers?"He asked

 

"None"the man replied

 

"Good,don't fail me"He said and the mirror went dark.

 

I heard a gasp and realized it was me and he turned around realizing there was someone there. Cursing myself for a fool I turned and ran for my life,as i was turning the corner a young man that was sleepwalking passed me by just when I turned I heard a crackle behind me of lightning and saw the boy falling to the ground,stunned. I ran into another corridor my feet barely touching the ground into the treasury locked but I soon took care of that. As I stopped to catch my breath their words spinning chaotically in my head.

 

what prophecy? what powers? Why are they after me? what do they want from me? What is going on? These thoughts racing franticly through my head.

 

Nevermind that now I have to get out of here not just this manor but the town possibly the country,a terrifying thought but I have no choice. I looked around and saw piles of gold everywhere I grabbed a nearby bag and began shoving in all the gold that I could.Once it was full I snuck out this time more careful and once outside I ran to the hollow tree in the forest and put on my hunting clothes and my other things put my hair into a large braid on my back as I finished it I saw it was morning already and not long before it would be noticed I was gone I grabbed my things and ran into the forest.

 

Around mid afternoon i heard them guards on horses with hunting down looking for me I bolted to a nearby river and was about to cross it but the current was too strong,But I finally caught a break because nearby was a high tree I could easily climb I grabbed a branch and hoisted myself up more and more I was about fifteen feet up but covered by huge leaves when they broke through to my tree and surrounded me those bloody dogs they could smell me.One of those dogs looked up and growled at me a guard looked up and saw me I cursed silently he looked at me and smiled I wanted to smack it off his face but then I would be venerable

 

"Come down sweetheart"he said sweetly.I wanted to break his jaw.

 

There was no escape If I go down I'm captured If I stay here I'll starve If I jump into the river I'll most likely drown.As I was starting panic I saw some rustling in the bushes I saw Galen dressed as a guard with a a sword at his hip and incredulously Acelia dressed like a guard next to him.

 

"Fellows have you found that wench yet"he asked like he is one of them

 

"Yes she's up there"he says pointing to me

 

Galen just looks at me moves towards them but doesn't stop looking at me.

 

Then so fast that I almost missed it he hit a guard with the hilt of the sword and Acelia spun quickly between them stabbing them with a pair of long kitchen knives,before I knew it they were on the ground I quickly climbed down and joined them

 

"How-"I started to say but the sound of dogs barking and horses pounding on the ground came uncomfortably close so we took off into the forest

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Sorry not to reply before. I have now marked notifications so that I'll see when you post a new chapter. Getting exciting! And glad the friends showed up. Hope you are saving this on your home computer as well.

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Okay five days of not having a social life and doing work have resulted in being finished so here is the next Chapter

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Ch 4:Hunted

 

It's around noon when we stop and rest the nearest city is five miles from where we are,good thing Galen and I know how to hide our trail and travel the forest otherwise they would have captured us already.Galen and I go into the forest to gather some food since neither of us bothered to bring any while we left Acelia watching over the camp and the supplies basically the money I took and the clothes they brought.After an hour or two we head back with some plants and berries we could have caught a rabbit or squirrel but then we couldn't eat it raw and if we light a fire is like putting up a signal saying here we are,come get us!.Anyway after we ate Acelia asks me.

 

"Solinda what did you get into now?"she asks quickly clearly she was been waiting to ambush me with this question all day.

 

"I have no idea"I say honestly letting a bit of the fear and panic I felt when I heard them talking creep in and without further delay I tell them everything.

 

"So what are we going to do now?"Acelia asks she was shifted into planning mode when she strategizes how to tackle any problem weather it's who gets what chore to how to break up fights.

 

"We?"I asked surprised I had expected they would go back home after we evaded the guards.

 

"Yes we,of course we are coming with you birdbrain"Acelia says this is rare she hardly show any strong emotion.I looked at Galen.

 

"You girl's are going to need someone to take care of you so I have to come"he said smugly

 

"Ha,oh yes we need a good strong man to protect us let us now if you find one"Acelia said mockingly

 

"Seriously I can protect you two"he said a bit irritated

 

"Oh yes like the time with the bear"I said the memory bringing a smile to my face.I can see it in my mind we were both 11 and it was springtime and a grupy bear just out of hibernation crossed our way and Galen acting as all little boys do tried to take it by himself, needless to say he ended up running for his life while I was in a tree and finally shot the bear in the head with an arrow.as I said it he blushed.I had to bite my lip to keep from having hysterical laughter.

 

"So,what are we going to do?"he asks curtly still embarrassed

 

"I've heard there is a Diviner in the capitol we could ask her about this"Acelia says.A Diviner,great I've heard about them they supposedly they use the power of the goddess Araitha to see into the past,present and future more of myth then truth but at least it's a plan.

 

"Alright"I said

 

"Wait how do we know this isn't wild goose chase"Galen says.I can't really blame him I'm kind of skeptical about this too.

 

"We don't but do you have any better ideas"she said

 

"Not really"he said truthfully

 

"Alright then lets go" I said and got up shouldering my bags and so do they and we head off.

 

Around dusk we get to the town of Sardon there we went to an local inn and got a double bed for ten gold coins,bought some dinner and then Acelia and I went to slept on the bed and Galen on the floor near the door.The next morning we went to the market and bought a plain wooden longbow and leather armor,Galen a sword and Acelia a whip,plenty of food and medicine,a map also a pair of trousers and a simple shirt for Acelia,Some cloaks with hood and a mask that covered my nose and mouth(like Kakashi sensei's) when we asked her why she said

 

"those people will obiously be looking for us"

 

Afterward we take our belongings and head out following the map to the capital.

 

After two days of traveling we come across Gelidar one of the for main cities of the kingdom in the four essential directions.As we got there we saw huge forty foot wall surrounding the city and a huge castle like Manor in the center we quickly entered the line of people wanting to enter and at the gate we pull up our hoods and masks and go past the guards.As we are passing the Announcement board something catches my eye as I look at it I freeze in surprise .On the board is a wanted poster for me promising to pay 10,000 gold coins for whoever captures me and next to mine are ones of Galen and Acelia both worth 1,000 gold,the crimes are theft treason and attempted assassination,The theft is true I did steal some money but treason?assassination?.I realize that Acelia was right they are hunting us and they have motivated other people to help them search,Why on earth could they want me so badly?.

 

I stop Acelia and Galen and point to the posters they looked at them for a second then moved away before they could compare our faces to the posters.As we did with the Town of Sardon we went shopping and then to the inn.During dinner a man got completely drunk and attacked me screaming I was cheating him at cards as I backed away I saw lunging towards me and he grabbed my mask and pulled it down showing everyone my face and since I have a 10,000 gold coin reward on my head people memorized my face and so they recognized me.At the same time they pulled out an assortment of swords,daggers and axes so does Acelia and Galen as we fight our way out of the tavern Acelia runs upstairs and grabs our things and we head out but blocking one way of the street there is a dozen guards not wanting to fight them we turned and ran once again for our lives.

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Will Solinda and the others escape or be captured?

Find out in the next chapter!

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glad you love it!

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Ch 5: Power

 

As headed through the cold wet streets running from the guards blood pumping hot and fast I could hear my heartbeat in my head and as I looked ahead and saw guards coming for us from the direction we were headed with a mental curse I skidded to a stop and turned a different way.This happened two more times and we changed direction. Then we reached a dead end and a realization hits me we were being herded here all along! ,as I spin back around I see the guards blocking the only way out just like my dream except that in my dream there were men with black cloaks instead of guards and then it hits me the people in my dream were dressed like that man who tried to kidnap me they were one and the same but no time for that now we would have to fight out way out of here. Then Acelia and Galen stepped in front of me to protect me we all knew I was who they really wanted. They fought greatly for having no training but there were so many guards they were quickly overwhelmed and captured as I slid back into a corner the guards pressed in. There was nothing I could do i couldn't escape and with Acelia and Galen captives I couldn't do anything without they being used as bait,It's as the ogress said I am worthless and now I'm about to be captured by people who what to do who knows what with me and everything I've done was for nothing. No! I couldn't give up if I did then I would truly be done for.

 

"Come on girl,come nice and quietly and your friends won't get hurt or we can hurt them very much,the poster said alive not unharmed" said the captain

 

I have to fight the urge to surrender,I grit my teeth and force myself to ignore it there was to be a way out of this problem I've been through worse.Then I hear Acelia's cry of pain as she is punched and kicked on the ground.Inside of me it's like a dam breaks,all the emotions I've held inside since my sudden flight from Syras,The fear,the confusion,the panic.it all breaks lose into rage, Rage at those who destroyed my life,it was far from perfect but I was safe at least and now it's been thrown into chaos where anyplace I go I can't show my face because I'm hunted like an animal for a reason I don't even know!

 

A feral cry tears it's way out of my throat as this goes through my mind then hatred so strong it turns my eyesight red.Then a large shot of Sapphire blue magic shoots out like a whip hitting the guards full in the chest as it pours from me in a great torrent in the form of lightning and knocks unconscious the guards.

 

As I eventually calm down and my eyesight returns to normal I look around and see all the guards on the ground unconscious and think

 

I did this? but then I must be a magic user? well it would explain the powers they spoke about.

 

As both Galen and Acelia get up they stare at me in surprise their eyes huge and I can't say I blame them I can hardly believe this myself.

 

"We have to get going while they are unconscious" Acelia says breaking the silence and both galen and I both run toward the gate nearly there Galen has a great idea to steal some horses as we might not able to outrun them this time and we all grabbed and pushed open the gate got on horses they great muscular things they are and we had no Idea how to ride except to put one leg on either side of the horse and don't let go of the reins but we managed not to fall off so that is good.As we made our way through the forest My thoughts were a thousand miles away still digesting the new developments of my newly found powers as we raced through the night away from Gelidar.

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Thanks, you guys keep commenting I keep writing

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Ch 6: Arrival

 

It was been a week since we all escaped Gelidar,a week since I've discovered my "powers" and to get there to the capital safely I had the brilliant idea to take a job as a protector for a merchant wagon seeing as the bandits here as thick as a stone wall,it's safer for us .Also I've learned to ride a horse mainly because I learned the hard way what to do or not to do and I named her Storm(don't ask how I found out it was a girl).The night that we escaped was hectic and we didn't sleep at all putting as much distance between ourself and the oncoming guards. It should have been stuff of legends, us darting through the woods to evade our pursuers,but frankly it was terrifying to have to worry that an arrow might hit you in the back at any given moment and that you have no idea how to control the horse. In fact stories of heroes seem so great and incredible but the truth is it isn't,seeing as you could easily end up dead and have to face a lot of problems.At first I got saddle sores from our midnight ride and couldn't sit,so using the excuse that I had to use the leu I went to the woods and found I can easily do the lightning thing again and have been practicing,Now if someone annoys me I can just zap them haha!.

 

As we saw the capital our mouths fell open it was huge,about four times the size of Gelidar and at the center stood the Castle about two hundred feet high! and two inner walls separating the sections of the city behind the outer gate is the poor farming region past the second gate is the middle class and merchant section and behind the inner gate Live the nobility and the royal family. The Araitha Temple is in the nobility section and somehow we would have to get there.But for now we stopped at the merchant section and the man paid us for it and now in a inn we stopped and rested as we were shopping I go to the the temple for the middle class a nice stone building inside a life size statue of Araitha and a some priest and priestess also about four more rooms I go there and a brown haired priestess with this motherly aura approaches and says

 

"Good day children, may the goddess bless you,want can we help you with today?"

 

"Well we are very confused and need some guidance" I said and told her everything as I told her everything I saw her shocked expression turned to delight which confused me.

 

"Dear do you have a birthmark shaped like a dragon" She asked kindly and patiently but I could see her hidden anxiety and the truth is I do on my back a large blue dragon going up my back.I answer her yes and she screams

 

"Araithia's blood thank goodness it's finally happened!" she looks like any second she is about to start jumping up and down or dancing.

 

"Wait,what happened?" I asked confused

 

"The Keldrith has arrived!,Opps"she said covering her mouth.

 

"The what?" I asked thinking

 

what in the underworld is a Keldrith?. Acelia and Galen look equally lost.

 

"You must come to see the Diviner,she will explain everything.What is your name anyway?"she exclaimed more in control now.

 

"Solinda" I automatically say while thinking so there is diviner and she had better have the answer I'm looking for because I didn't come all this way for nothing

 

"Follow me" she said leading us into a store room and opening a secret tunnel under a large chest

 

"these tunnels lead to the other temples and the home of the diviner they were once used by Selona the Nobel to escape from the prison of the castle and to sneak into and out of the city"she said seeing our hesitant faces.Ah the story of Selona the Nobel,she was a young daughter of a huntsman who was executed by the tyrant King Ceron. Afterward she vowed vengeance and did everything she could to undermine him,she gathered those that were harmed by him and the exiled prince.Also defeated him while she helped those who were under his oppression.She was my favorite hero and sometimes I pretended I was her. The priestess grabbed a lamp and descended into the darkness below,Galen soon followed then Acelia. I don't know if I'm paranoid or cautious but I started wondering if it was a trap but I was not going to be separated from them so I descended into the darkness hopefully closer to the answers of this strange problem I'm in.

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I think that this is very nice, too - shows a darker side - but you should try adding a space after you close the sentence with the apostrophe, and you should add sufficient punctuation. Remember that once a mark (!/ ?/ ./ ,) is given, you don't have to add a comma after. For example:

 

YOUR VERSION:

"The Keldrith has arrived!,Opps"she said covering her mouth.

 

 

MY VERSION:

"The Keldrith has arrived! Wait - Oops..." she said, covering her mouth in the telltale sign of saying something she shouldn't have said.

 

Just some pointers. Continue!

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This is a major part of the story!!!!

Also my apologizes for not updating until now since me and my family enjoyed a day at the beach with my four younger cousins

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Ch 7: Prophecy

As we went through the tunnels beneath the Temple the priestess I thought it's incredible we managed to actually get here with not only those strangers but the guards and people looking for us too.as this passed through my mind I saw that we had stopped outside of a large Wooden door and the priestess knocked and a warm kind voice said

 

"Come in"

 

As the door swung in we beheld a small underground house with a small kitchen, living room, library and a small bedroom not what you expect from the most powerful magic person In all of Celfran (the name of the world). As we entered hesitantly I took a good look at the Diviner, she was a middle aged woman with silver hair and dark green eyes with pale skin obviously from living underground. As I gazed her over I saw her sizing me up as well.

 

"Welcome Galen Cravren, Acelia and Solinda"she said kindly while I thought how in the world does she now our names. As If reading my thoughts she said that she had seen the posters and I thought of course. After she asked us to sit down in her living room and she pulled out some steaming tea and pastries.

 

"You must have A lot of questions"she states simply and thats all it takes for the questions to burst from my lips

 

"What is this prophecy? Why do I have these powers? Who is after me? What do they want?It rushes out like a river out of me

 

"Well the people who are after you are part of a group called the Black Vipers their goal is to collect people and objects of power for the goal to overthrow all the kingdoms so they have absolute control, and as for why they are after you is because you are the most powerful magic user in the world besides myself and they want you at their command and if they get a hold of you they will have enough power to take control" She stated evenly and slowly While I was reeling

 

Second most powerful magic user? world domination?

 

"Wait, what is this prophecy. The priestess called Solinda a Keldrith, what is that?"Acelia asked recovering first although I could see the fact we were well above our heads in her eyes.

 

"A keldrith is a special person which is rare and one of a kind, some of the most influential people in history have been Keldriths themselves that is why you have these powers there have been very few Keldriths and even less with magical abilities. As for the prophecy,Well there is a rhyme it goes like this"She cleared her throat and said

 

When the Viper is victorious and all seems lost

A young keldraith Of Dragon blood shall rise.

Sworn enemies become great friends and friends become enemies.

Will she choose wrong or right?

 

"So that is the Prophecy."She stated simply and for two minutes straight no one moved or seemed to breath and now I realized my tea was now cold and my hands shaking.But one thought broke through, a betrayal by someone I consider a friend the though keeps me frozen but neither Acelia or Galen would ever betray me, would they?. As I think this something begins to realize on me and I ask

 

"How do you know it's me and what does it mean by blood of the Dragon?" I asked trying to find something to shift it away from me while deep down I know it is

 

"You were the only Keldrith born in the last twenty years which was when I had this prophecy and that concerning Dragon blood it is related to another question you forgot to ask me"She said evenly looking at me with concern and no wonder since I was clutching the armrests in a death grip that my knuckles were white.

 

"which one was that?" I force myself to ask

 

"The one about your Heritage"she says a solemn look in her eyes as they meet mine.

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This is Very Very Important so please read it!!!!!

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Ch 8: Heritage

 

I felt as if I was punched in the stomach and leaned forward.

 

"You know about it?"I say barely getting it out.This is a delicate subject for me and every other orphan in the world. Where did we come from? who were we? why are we alone? is it because we weren't want or because our parents died? these are all questions every orphan asked themselves and I am no different.

 

"Yes. It happened exactly seventeen years ago you heard the prophecy we tried to keep it hidden but somehow the Black Vipers got wind of it and set out to kill the child of The Draylin Kingdom-"she began but then Galen who's presence I nearly forgot said

 

"Draylin?"

 

"Once it was a great Land west of here across the Delmarn Sea but the Black Vipers laid it to ruin now it's a wasteland but some survivors remain there. Anyhow we learned of their plan to kill the child and planned to have the child brought to us to protect her but as the Griffin entered this kingdom it was ambushed.Both the Griffin and It's enemy died and the child was lost" she said

 

"So my real origin is in Draylin?" I asked, well now I knew where I was from at least so I could maybe when this is done go and search for them

 

"Wait, why did they destroy most of the kingdom if they were only after a little girl?" Galen asked puzzled

 

"Because of who that little girl was,the whole army tried to stop them."she said

 

"but why?"I asked a bit confused that the all the soldiers put their lives of the line for me

 

"Because she was their Princess"She says strongly and I am completely stunned but then disbelief fills me

 

"No way, do you mean to tell me I am a stinking blueblood!" I stand up screaming

 

"Yes your parents were King Geldar and Queen Alisia Delrian. And you are Princess Solinda Delrian, The single heir to the Draylin Throne. But you must know what happened afterward when they learned that the princess was alive somehere in the world they separated in search for you and you were found and taken to an orphanage. But now they have found you and they won't leave you alone until you serve them or they kill you"She said in a strong steady voice

 

I fell back into my seat utterly stunned of all the things I had learned today this took the cake.

 

"It's too much. how can I beat them if they defeated an entire army. It's too much for one person to handle, I can't!" I said feeling utterly overwhelmed by it all

 

"Don't worry Solinda, I can don't know about Galen but I'm staying with you until the end of this" She said putting a hand on my shoulder

 

"Of Course I'm coming too, I wouldn't miss this adventure for the world!" he said

 

"Idiot" Both Acelia and I said at the same time and laughed. Oh please let the prophecy be wrong about that betrayal.

 

"Well I think this is enough for one day, You all stay here tonight and tomorrow we will go over a plan" she said standing up

 

As we went back through the tunnels my mind was still spinning but It was good to finally now the truth and that Acelia and Galen have my back.As we climbed into bed I drifted of into sleep I found myself in a strange dream much like my first one and heard a voice calling me...

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So now you are talking about betrayal.. it was in your very first post, you know, that the story would include betrayal. OK, it wasn't your first one, it was the footnote to chapter two. I still hope it is not any of the good guys we have met so far. You are doing well in the story telling, when you are all done and have it still on your computer you might want to spell and grammar check it. At this point I'd rather keep hearing the story than comment on specific grammar points though.

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I'm back! did you miss me?

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Ch 9: Seldran Pass

 

The next morning I woke up to see the sunlight above the bed and I relished the fact that I had a good bed to sleep on which I never really had before,not the cot in the orphanage not the places we stopped where we were ready to run at a moments notice. I let myself enjoy the moment and then got out of bed dressing and preparing to go, As I left the bedroom and the priestesses gave us a good delicious breakfast then the diviner herself appeared and the priestesses all bowed respectfully. As she reached us she said

 

"It would be best if you three go to Aldrion city in the Alendren Kingdom there go to Landran Academy and give this letter to the headmaster" she said handing me a letter which I stowed in my backpack, which had been restocked by the priestesses and then we went to the tunnels but this time through a different route and out of the city in the forest the diviner said

 

"May the goddess bless you and your journey be safe" she said then waved good bye and we left following a path in the forest from the city to the Seldran Mountains to the south and then to the Aladren Kingdom about a two week trip.

 

With Acelia in charge of navigation we got there by mid morning and I saw a mountain for the first time in my life. It was huge, I felt like a insignificant ant in front of a towering god and not just one but an entire row as far as the eye could see a the base about four miles away was a line of wagons and people heading for Seldran Pass.We passed easily into the crowd and joined a group of people our age all dressed very finely nobles i Think then remember that I'm a princess and my mouth twitches in distaste.

 

As we join them around a fire we learn that they are going to the Academy like us but one look at our common travel clothes and they sneer

 

"Commoners" I am tempted to hit them full in the mouth believing you are superior is one of the things I can't stand that and being underestimated because I'm a girl. As I glance them over I note that they all wear silk and velvet engraved with coat of arms and think what are they thinking wearing things like that through a dangerous valley.But then a boy with black hair and purple amnesty eyes catches my eye and grins at me unlike the others he is dressed dirty plain brown traveler clothes and boots with a sword at his hip, he grins at me and says

 

"Hello, my name is Zander Maelstrom and you are?

 

"I'm Solinda these are my friends, Galen Cravren and Acelia" I said

 

"Nice to meet you" he says politely

 

As the evening grew on we learned more about him.He was a stable boy from Delcria in the south of the country when he was out hunting with his master a pack of wolves attacked them his master was hurt and he was cornered by the wolfs then his magic burst out of him but when his masters found out they would not let him come to the Academy so he stole some money and escaped and had been a wanted thief ever since.

 

The next day at dawn we wake up and start moving out. Zander has taken to travel and be around us I find him utterly hilarious Acelia also likes him well enough but Galen doesn't, they can't stand each other,But thats what happens when you have two guys trying to co exist in the same group, Zander says he is an idiot Galen says he is a bloody git, Oh well what can you do.

 

Around mid day we were attacked by some thief's that swooped from above they dove past Galen and Zander with their speed, Acelia fought dagger to dagger with them and I picked them off with my arrows, I could have used magic but I am not in full control of it and it would be tempting fate to do so. After that attack they set up watches, This was been a difficult journey with the loose rocks, cliffs ,avalanches and the thief's not to mention the potholes everywhere and when the wagons gets stuck in one we all have to help get it out.

 

Finally three days later we see the green canopy of the forest and I think Thank Araithia. Now definitely more cheerful than before we all continue to go down the mountain as we are finally out of Seldran Pass and I can't help but wonder what will I find in Aldrion if it will be good or bad anyway I am about to find out…

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what will happen at Aldrion? will they find Peace or Hostility?

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