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What Makes A Good Parent?

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There are alot of things that make up a good parent. Love and understanding and definatley paitience need lots of that. But no one can be perfect that I know for sure. It is hard job always wondering if your doing a good job.

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well according to my opinion a good parents are who communicate with their young ones often very well to make it a good understanding with each other...

 

The parents should allow their children to take their own decision and believing on the decisions taken by their children's are best!!

 

sometimes generation gaps can cause misunderstanding between the parents and their children,

but it can be overcome!!! :blink:

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Lots of love and affection.Teach them right from wrong.Have them follow rules,but dont be to strict.There are alot of things tht would take forever to talk about.My 5 kids turned out to be just fine.I must of done o.k as a parent.

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i have a question... at what age are you supposed to start to discipline your kid?

 

My toddler's 1 year old now and she's beginning to act like a spoiled kid :P when i take away the object she puts in her mouth, she cries and makes an angry face. i feel like she hates me for doing that to her.

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@abby: err, when they're young and starting to act like brats? lol.

 

That's what my parents did with me and lil sis. tantrum = epic shouting matches = pissed off for a few hours (well, with dad anyway. mum can stay pissed for days) = cool down= all back to normal until the next epic shouting match.

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I have had a taste of both good and bad parenting.

 

I love my father he has always been there for me and my siblings, he could be tough when he needed to be but otherwise he was gentle and kind and would do anything for us, he had a hard life and he had 7 children before he was 34, his wife (our so called mother) abandon him and all of us when I was 14, most men I know would have stuck us all in fosters homes and be done with it. Not my dad, he stayed, he worked hard and raised us all the best way he could. We have all had our share of dragging him to hell and back and he has never once given up on any of us.

 

My mother (althought I prefer not to call her that) was the complete opposite, she hated me from the day I was born, she would beat me (mostly me sometimes my siblings), she would do nothing, When my dad was at work she would treat me like I was a servant, I was doing dished before I was 4 and by the time I was 6 I could cook (not great but good enough) I would feed, bath, change my siblings, get them to bed ect. She always told me that the biggest mistake she ever made was brining an ugly creature like me into the world and said she should have taken her parents advice and aborted me when she had the chance.

 

I now have a daughter of my own and everyday I pray that I never ever become like my mother. My idea of the perfect parent and the way I choose to be a parent is exactly the way my father was.

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@kitty: dude, you're 'mum' should be dumped into prison. What a psycho dog.

 

how/why the heck did your dad stay together with such a detestable specimen of the female race?

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@KTC: He never knew, we were to afraid of her to tell him what was happening and she was always careful enough to leave bruises in places we could hide.

 

After she left I told him everything and the pain in his eyes was very hard for me to see, he said if he had ever known he would have made sure she would never hurt anyone else.

 

and I agree, shes a very cold and evil person

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Aisling, I agree 100%...I don't know what her parents were like they had nothing to do with me or my siblings.

 

My grandparents on my dads side were wonderful, they both passed on but they were great grandparents.

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lol, well i love my daughter, that's why i'm worried of not raising her well. she follows her dad when he tries to discipline her. no angry face...

 

i guess i'll leave the disciplining to him. lol :P

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Both parents should be on the same page when it come to dicapline Children are not any where near stupid and they know how to play one parent on the other. I think I heard somewhere that a child at the age of three has more brain cells than us. Which is why in some country's they send thier children to school so early. But alway be balanced in your dicipline it should fit what was done. And never dicapline in anger this could be something you regret. Also even if you feel bad for obvius reasons thier cute little faces all contorted never appoligize That will undo all you are trying to accomplish. A girl whom my parents used to look after told us once she wished her parent dicaplined her cuz she said at least she would feel like they even cared about what happend to her. Clidren thrive on sructure they love routine and to know how things will be this creates a stable and secrure person.

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I agree Sassy. As for children early schooling...children can learn..absorb much more than adults, because their brain is still not lateralized. I"m not a supporter of those theories, but some researchers also argued there is a critical period in the acquisiion of languages, most notably- it happens precisely around the age when coignitive operations are developed in full and thus meta-awareness, the knowldge of rules starts hindering natural process. Most adults use left hemipsphere for studying, e.x languages. Left hemisphere is more analytic and adults are more rule-driven, their learning is based on the metawareness.

 

I agree about parents being in agreement on discipline, really well-said. Basing on my own experience, I wasn't an easy child myself. Sometimes it was because I thought my parents were interfering too much. Sometimes I went to them for help. I don't believe there are any rules for bridging extremeties in this case. You just need to be very patient and never give up on tryiong to get kids to open up, never get discouraged. Sometimes some kids will snap because they are trying to deal woth some things on their own first and they don't think parents can help, or because they don;t want to trouble anyone. This is alo possible, from the experience of those around me. My parents were fortunately very patient with me. I turned out to be a decent person, I'm happy to say. But it was my parents' patience that helped me get through the period of rebellion and develop into the thinking individual that I am now. They never even had to slap me (i don'tbelieve in violece myself). But they were from a different generation (there is a gap of 40 years between us, they are like from another time, completely) Today;s young parents face not only parenthood but difficult economic conditions. So to make ends meet they often need to devote more time to career and making money, which uually means spending less time with kids. That's what's really hurtful, the ties are not strong at all.

 

What do you think the future of parenthood will bring? How will it change?

I saw this interesting short animation. What do you think, apart from the ethical aspects?

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Kwe2fzHXcI

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It is very hard to be a parent these days. People are affraid to even say no. I do not feel a child always needs to be hit, but each child is different and there for different things work better for some tan others. But there must always be rules even in society we have rules. I am glad you truned out good. Sometimes this has to do with your personality each person responds differently to situations. Your parents sounded consistant in thier efforts to help you and that shows love. It's hard to undstand everything when we are younger I guess. I wll check out your vidio you posted and get back to you on my thoughts.

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@nocturnal: Good points. Also, I think parents should also learn to listen to their kids, to really listen. That's one of my main issues with my parents: I'm not heard, anything I say/don't say is inevitably twisted. They have a filtered ear. They've done it so many times I've given up for the most part and become more like a silent robot when it comes to emotions around them. Why should I discuss/show emotions/real thoughts when they won't see/listen? That's a waste of energy. (What is really funny to me now is that my dad one time gets pissed off since I apparently am really unemotional/glacial sometimes. So I tell him in his face why I am like that....And it goes in one ear and out the other and he starts on with a lecture on respect. rofl)

 

So in a nutshell: stop tuning us kids out or selective hearing. That'd save a whole lot of emotional hardship for both parties. (I'm still trying to figure out how to 'reactivate' my emotions after 'shutdown' mode. Like 'love' for family. I'm not feeling it frankly.)

 

As for your vid: I thought it was interesting, though I'd like to point out that ppl are doing a variation of this now. Girl vs Boy. They are even tests to see what is the probability of your child getting a genetic disease. And of course with in-vitro you can now choose what 'race'/'color' your baby is.

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Geez -- I AM late.

 

 

Well, here's my small theory on how to be a good parent. It's obviously a draft - in five months I'll be able to tell you more. :)

 

What's a parent? More than some unwelcoming adult to respect and serve - as many people think or do - a parent is certainly a child or offspring's best treasure and friend. The parent sacrifizes a lot in order to offer his child the best possible, in terms of happiness and welfare.

 

And as much the parent should love their child deeper even than their husband/wife, for it is their blood within this small being asking to grow and know our world, they should be listening to their child. A parent, to me, is a child's first (and best) friend and compagnion. It's crucial for him to be with his child, to show how to lead a good life - to be a kind of idol for their child. Also, I believe a parent must be listening to their child, for a child needs to talk and communicate, and the parent is a natural ear for their problems and daily prides.

 

A parent is also a teacher - not like those boring school teachers we've all had (or still have), yet a life teacher. The parent will show the child how to live - from every aspect; within the child's beliefs and philosophies it's up to the parent to guild them, and anything the child will learn comes from their parents - basicmost ideas like speaking or playing, or later even more advanced things. Even adult, a child still has much to learn from their older parents.

 

I am obviously not saying the parent should be borderless with their child as it is also their role to show them their limits. A child on its own for years will develop a very borderless personality, and therefore might cause himself and other people problems; where a child behaving good enough in society has better chances of suceeding. Without showing the traditional aspect of "obey and shut up" we think about when confronted to our childhood - not for all happily, but is common -, the parent is there to guide their child on the golden way both deem worthy enough to follow, and must at such teach the child values like respect and tolerance, peace and lawfulness.

 

This is to me the vision of a parent - a genuine guide, friend, and unvaluable help to any age's child, always ready to listen to their child and to teach them the most priceless thing - in one word, life.

 

 

 

 

Sidenote - Obviously, not a parent myself I can't have a full idea on how to be a parent; nor am I referring to my own. This is just my theory...As I said in the header in 5 months I will begin having such experience..I guess it does help in being a good and trustful parent.

 

 

---

@above - I believe choosing their child's genetical program and everything is however not in the best interest of the child. It is firstly NOT a playtoy, sort of drawing the parents attention (as some parents use this for); but in the case it is not curing some illness (Asperger, etc.) by directly modifying their genes, it is called eugenism and can lead to despair not for the child in itself but for mankind as a while.

 

Somehow relating on the Girl/Boy probability tests, often diverging to actually changing the child's genes or altering their development.

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Wow, these answers are all good. The only thing I think I haven't seen is Honesty. I think it's very important for parents to be honest with their children. Mostly I think I mean in answering their questions about the tough stuff in life. Kids will either see right through avoidance or lying, or later realize they were lied to, and know that they can't trust their parents. I knew too many kids when I was one whose parents would answer questions with "we don't discuss such things." I suspect the parents thought that was the end of that, but the kids I knew often went to their other peers for answers, many of which were terribly wrong...

 

The other extreme might be too much honesty - without regard for the age/sensibilities of the child. Telling a 5 year old about your college life (if it was wild) certainly wouldn't help with respect issues, but when they're in their teens it might be a bridge of understanding.

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hmmm....

 

I'm still a kid, so I might as well say what my parents are like.

 

Paying attention: I have a dad that NEVER pay's attention, (seriously, we lit fires and climbed on top of roofs and he didn't notice) and a mum that is a little too protective, but is WAY better than my dad.

 

Giving answers: I think that Oracle is right, my dad, and mum, are never giving me answers, they also always say 'because I said so'.

 

Honesty: My mum sometimes tries to lie to us, but we are very good at eavsdropping :P. She only lies to us when she REALLY has to. As for my dad... He never lies. He believes in total and complete honesty, one of his sayings is 'I do not lie to the people I love', so when we lie to him, he can ask why we don't love him.

 

Listening: Mum, does, Dad doesn't. His excuse is 'we keep changing our intrests, so why bother'.

 

Discipline: Dad tries to punish us, but we never take him seriously. Mum is different. All she needs is one word and we do what she says.

 

PS: My Mum and are dad divorced.

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well first the parents have 2 work 2gether n make sure they're not putting 2 much work on the other.

 

second parents mush NOT hit their children no matter how mad the parent is n i kno hitting children with an open hand isn't considered child abuse but i still think it still is wrong.

 

third parents shouldn't yell at children. It hurts the child n, especially when they r young, they can develop a fear of their parents.

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well the parents must be a good in their child sometimes funny sometimes sweet. and i like a parents who will teach me and tell me some stories. also i like a parents who is playful.

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Well i just think that being agood parent is taking care of there children very carefully they doesnt want to let them be hurt but sometimes when children go wrong parents disciplined them well it is very obvious that all parents should take care of there child ;) ;)

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I know very well I'm not a parent, but I still want to give some sort of response to this question.

 

For a parent to be good, they must watch what they say, listen to what the child is saying, and watch the child's actions. When doing these things, you might find what the child is struggling with and why they act out. After the parents find out what's wrong, they should speak with the child to try and fix the problem they currently are thinking about.

 

My parents follow these steps with me, but sometimes I feel that they don't follow those steps with my sister.

 

As for peers, my mother always said you can't pick your friends but you can always give advice as long as you don't thrust it onto someone.

If you do, the relationship will turn sour in a instant.

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Well, my mom is not understanding at all and I think it helps to also have an open mind. I think, unlike my mother, moms/parents should not always think they are right, because sometimes they aren't. All of my parents think they are all that and they always try to show just how much control they have over us. Also, sometimes my parents are neglectful in certain ways - a parent should NOT be neglectful, but, should give their children a certain amount of space or distance. If parents do not give their children any space to think on their own, or make decisions for themselves, they are not good parents. I think some parents like my parents care about their children and so they are overprotective - which makes them bossy too. Basically, I think parents should give their children some space, but, I don't think they should be neglectful. :D

----------------------------

Also, I found that parents who are yelling to their children doesn't actually makes them understand what they are raving about, it only raises the noise level which creates more of a chaotic atmosphere.

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My parents are quite understanding, they let me do what I want as long as they know where I am. They don't always think they are right but my mum does nag quite a bit even though i'm 19. I suppose she worries about me more because i'm the only girl in the family and i'm the youngest.

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