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Children's Games -- R/L (Updated 01/27)

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Formerly Omnia Dicta Fortiora Si Dicta Latina.

And formerly Like a Silent Fart.

Man, I suck at titles.


Some swearing shall take place. Bad influences roam around freely. Do not read if you hate procrastination.




The Noble and The Slave






Another slave girl.


I narrowed my eyes at the sight of the new girl. Mother was practically shouting at her all the rules of the household while the girl cowered beneath her antagonizing gaze. I, however, was comfortably sitting in a plush armchair poring over a book with spells that I would use when I grow — no wait, scratch that. I might sound like a Pussycat Doll.


She looked to be about the same age as me, around 15. Her hair was an odd shade—lavender. What kind of hair color is that? Who ever heard of having light purple hair?


Mother left the girl in front of the fireplace, bewildered and afraid. So then I, being the chivalrous person I am, I walked up to her.


“Slave, what’s your name?” I asked.


She looked up and glared, her blue eyes blazing with a temper I hadn’t seen a minute earlier.


“It’s common courtesy to give your name before demanding to know of others’,” she responded. My mouth twitched. Slaves don’t talk to their masters like that.


“If you must know, I’m your new master from now on and you have to follow whatever I say, and you will call me Master Lars.” I said it like she was mentally retarded. “Do. You. Understand?”


“I know very well that you’re a bratty little tyrant who isn’t weaned yet!” the girl retorted. “I’d prefer calling you Baby Lars.” Why that—


“Lars, dear, I see you’ve met our new slave,” Mother butted in with her annoying voice and big butt. “Her name is Rhen and she will tend to all your needs and follow all your commands.” But Mother seemed to be directing it at the girl.


“I’m going off to have tea with the ladies.” Mother is so embarrassing. Even in front of a slave! This girl! This Rhen!


Adorned with heavy foundation, thick lipstick, fake eyelashes and some rainbow streaks in her hair, my mother left the house towing her purse which probably held loads of money.


I cleared my throat. “So then, Rhen” — she automatically turned her head to me — “the first thing I want you to do for me is to cut my toenails.”


Six minutes later, I was lounging on my armchair again while Rhen was holding a toenail clipper and doing what I told her to. Of course, I’m not effeminate or anything; I just like to make my slaves go through torture. But then again, they are getting long.


“Why is your hair light purple?” I drawled lazily, staring at her messy head of lavender. “It’s so unnatural and it makes you look like an attention whore. I mean, who ever heard of dead lavender cells sprouting out of anyone’s scalp? It’s madness!”


Rhen looked up and glared. “At least I don’t have green hair! Did you dye it that way or did you fall in a vat full of green mold when you were born? And what does the hair on your forearms become when it grows?”


I grit my teeth but she kept going, “You’ll be having green all over your arms! It’ll look so weird that people will think you covered yourself with hairy leaves!”


She has a foul mouth. Possibly also dirty mind.


I kicked Rhen away. “GO CLEAN MY ROOM, YOU BITCH!”


“Oh, and you have green hairs on your toes, too! Care for a plucking?” She winked and held up a pair of tweezers she didn’t have a minute ago.






The weeks that followed included Rhen irritating me to the extent that I actually hit her. That was the only time she actually ran away. Other times, whenever we argued, she just took it like I was merely a child, like one of those children who say, “When I grow up, I want to be famous, I want to be a star, I want to be in movies!” Children can wish for the most outrageous things, like a flying pink pony, but 99.99% of the time when they want something that is out of their league, it’ll never happen.


The way Rhen carried herself annoyed me. Whenever she was around Mother she acted all respectful and obedient, but with me, she treated me like she was babysitting me. As in really sitting on me. One of our arm wrestling contests actually escalated into a real wrestling match.


She ended up sitting on me in triumph.


It was frustrating that she never got into any trouble. Many times I tried to make her temper come out like the horrible demon it is, but it was too hard. Total nastiness didn’t work on this slave.


I complained to Ylitta and Hector about Rhen and they promptly agreed with whatever I said. Yet it wasn’t enough to spread gossip about her in Ghalarah, because everyone else liked Rhen, especially that wretched tailoress who often gave my slave food that would only suit nobles such as me.






I can’t believe I actually did that.


I took off Rhen’s slave bracelet. For what purpose? How should I know?


Probably I did it on a whim, under the guise that I wanted to try out some magic I’d learned while educating myself the basic spells for starter sorcerers. But I knew one thing for sure: it wasn’t to impress Ylitta and Hector. I could go ahead and perform a cheap coin trick and they would literally kiss my butt. Or at least, whatever I sat on. Ylitta would constantly throw herself at me while Hector is willing to throw himself on a puddle if it meant keeping me from dirtying my shoes.


Tch. Such strange companions I have.


I sat at the dining table that had luxurious amounts of food that Rhen had cooked, and in the three months we’ve had her, she could actually really cook decently. Not that she cooked like a gourmet chef, but she did prepare the food suitable enough.


I picked at my steak, wondering about what Shadwood Academy would be like. It is supposedly for ‘gifted’ sorcerers and sword singers. What kind of title is sword singer anyway? It’s not like they serenade love songs to their swords and weapons! The world is screwed.


Rhen ate in a corner with a smaller table, and she was only given scraps from the bottom of the pots. She ate ravenously, and I watched in fascination, masking it with a sneer of disgust. Since Mother was out, she retorted, “What’re you looking at?”


“I just noticed how sloppily you eat and you have the perfect resemblance of an ugly and starving baboon,” I replied.


“Are you saying I have a big butt?!”




“What kind of an answer is that? I asked you a ‘yes or no’ question and you give me ‘maybe’?!”


I smirked and shrugged and slowly started eating my steak, which had the meatiest part. I chewed slowly while Rhen’s eyebrows met and her lips curled downward into a snarl.


“If you attack me,” I said before she could do anything, “then I’m going to tell Mother that you ate supper when you weren’t allowed.”


Rhen cocked one eyebrow. “Why did you let me eat some food?”


“Because,” I started, “envoys from Shadwood will be coming and I don’t want them to have a bad impression of me.”


“You don’t make any sense,” Rhen said before digging in again to her pitiful dinner.






I felt the sharp pain that seemed to concentrate on my buttocks. I turned to Rhen with the intention of flogging her or possibly using some of my awesome magic and zapping her to crispy bacon. Mm, bacon. Before I could do anything, I was stopped by two people who were dressed in fancy clothing.


I was embarrassed when I discovered that the two were emissaries sent from Shadwood. Ghelda and Lorad. Lorad and Ghelda. Sorcerer and sword singer. The sword singer had the freakiest red hair.


“I am free!” Rhen exclaimed when Lorad told her that she had a ‘gift’ because she shazzanged me with a stick she found on the ground while I was beating up a little slave. Then Ghelda took me away and we went from Ghalarah to Veldarah.






What’s she doing here?!


Rhen was studying at Shadwood with me. My slave was going to be taking classes to be a sword singer.


Personally, I think sword singers are pansies. They just trot around with their sharp swords and swing at anything then they can cut almost anything they swing at if their cutlass is sharp. Meanwhile, sorcerers had more practice, and had to master sorcery. It was difficult, yes, but at least it wasn’t anything that anybody could do for no reason. Anyone can just go ahead and pick up a knife and hack and slash at the chickens and rats.


I happened to ‘bump’ into Rhen one day. “Excuse me, slave, haven’t you learned your manners yet?”


“I’m not your slave, Lars,” scowled Rhen, “I’m a free citizen and I do have manners, unlike you.”


Some people stopped walking past and listened to our little argument.


I started with something ‘innocent’. “So how is Shadwood for you, Peta?” I knew she hated that name that I’d given to her, thanks to Ylitta mentioning her puppy called Peta.


“It’s great, Lars. How are you handling your green hair growing all over your body? Are you shaving well? Make sure not to leave any telltale hairs in the shower drains, young man!”






In the end, neither of us won, because we started a fistfight and other students stopped us before I could break Rhen’s front teeth and leave her with a permanent lisp. We were stuck in a small claustrophobia-inducing room and we had to ‘think of what we’d done’ and ‘make up’.


We obviously valued our pride much more than our freedom so we didn’t speak to each other for a long time. The headmaster kept us in that wretched room for almost a whole day. Rhen and I just stared at each other angrily and forcefully, waiting for one of us to break eye contact.






When we were let out the school had been flowing with rumors, and people kept saying me and Rhen were a couple. That’s utter bullcrap.




Hoyay for the revised Chapter One! Aaaaaand I love the new title C:

I'll be writing under my new account, Candide, now :)


I also have this posted on Fanfiction under the pen name Candiide (Candide's taken e.e).

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@ DarkPrincess : I'm flattered! :thanks:

@ sana90 : Yipee! I never thought I would be able to write a really long first chapter though.


I've noticed that everyone here is more appreciative than on other sites :smileattack:

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=celebrates the arrival of another RhenxLars writer too!=


XD Great start!


"It’s not like they serenade love songs to their swords and weapons! The world is screwed."


That made me crack up! I'll be on the lookout for the update!

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@ KikoAyumi : Oh my fudging gosh no way! One of my favorite authors likes it! Hoorah! Thank you!

@ princessfurball : Thanks! I've read your er.. debate in Spam Haven, and you're really good in defending the RhenxLars pairing.


Aweshumness :smileattack:

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o...m...g...I LOVE IT! <3


i never thought of Lars's green hair growing on his body...lol. i suppose it really is weird, his hair color. but of course he's still the good ol' Lars we love!


i like the part where Lars comments on Lorad's hair, the part where he says his mom is embarrassing (lol!) the part where Lars criticizes sword singers, i like everything!


LarsXRhen is love...^^

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ok, i'm gonna try and be nice here...

first off... what kind of title is "Everything sounds more impressive when spoken in Latin"? It has nothing to do with the story.

Second... I'm unsure of what some phrases meant. Your grammar was all jumbled and you had almost no verb agreement. Do you know how to check for those things?

Second... are we in today's time or Aveyond time? 'Cause you're mixing them and it's confusing.

Third... it's a good idea to go back and check to make sure that all words of a thought phrase are in italics. You missed some there.

Fourth... I see potential here... but the writing has tarnished that.

If you think I've been rude, I'm sorry, but all I've intended to do is speak the truth here. I don't sugar coat things as a general rule because the cold hard truth generally does more good than melting sugar fudding up the lines.

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@ phoenixalia : Thanks! I'm still working on it though :D


@ sana90 : Hoorah!


@ Heimdall : The flying pigs will destroy the squirrels!


@ gabriela : Thanks! And yup, RhenxLars is the awesomest pairing ever :lol:


@ uth : Hmm.. okay then, I'll try to make the chapters a bit shorter


@ MarianFrae : Well, with the title, I was planning on (highlight for spoiler if you wanna) making Lars annoy Rhen with numerous ways such as speaking in Latin to confuse her and to show off that he knows more stuff than her. And for the verb agreement, I guess I did get carried away with the phrases, heh :D And it is in Aveyond time, I just put some modern stuff, because I'm insane. And I guess I missed some of the stuff that's supposed to be in italics. I encoded it first in MS Word, but then forgot to check the document for the stuff in italics because the chapter is too long.

I haven't taken any offense with this. In fact, I'm grateful for it, so thanks! I like hearing people's opinions because it helps me write better :smileattack:

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@puppis: Omg, I know what you mean about getting insane and putting in things that don't agree with the time period of the story :lol: I have an old vampire story that was set way back in the day before guns, electricity, yadda yadda. And yet somehow, they had flamethrowers XD! And yeah, going back through your story on here after the formatting is all right in Microsoft Word can get really annoying X3


Also, I don't really see uth's point o-o The majority (or what I've seen) of readers LOVE long updates XD So just update however you want ;)

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Don't shorten your post length. Find a length that you feel is right for a chapter and stick with it. Each one of our chapters in Exsors is 6 pages long. ;)

Uth, don't read Exsors

Formatting is easiest if done as you go along. When Raine and I sit down to RP our story, we put in the needed code so that when I edit, I'm not having to do that along with checking grammar and separating things into the correct paragraph structure.

Do you know Latin? Have you taken any classes? Or are you going off of a translator? If you plan to just go off of a translator, then I won't be reading this story, sorry to say. I'm even more picky about Latin grammar than I am English(and trust me, that's saying something).

If you're going to use modern things in this, do it with a twist... like how in "Ella Enchanted" they had escalators but they were magic powered. ;) For instance, "movies" could have been the moving pictures and that could have been attributed to magic.

I'm not very good at tact... especially when it comes to online talking... so bear with me if I get a little too... whatever. Tell me if I ever go too far with something. I just might.

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Certain Trials





“Congratulations, Lars! You are now an apprentice sorcerer!”


I rolled my eyes as Ghelda happily skipped around me, proud that the gifted child she brought had become an apprentice in just a year. She had told me that usually novices took more than at least three years of studying and training for their trials. And I bested them.


I stepped out of the room and nearly bumped into Rhen.


“Watch where you’re going, Peta,” I said.


“Shut up, Baby Lars,” Rhen replied coolly. “Did you just check the hair on your body and find out it’s green or what?” I flushed.


Rhen smiled and continued. “Aww, what’s wrong? Did Big Bad Rhen make Baby Lars flush like a public toilet?”


I scowled at her, though I could feel my face get warmer. Suddenly the creepiest idea popped in my head. “Nope. I just found you looking as stunningly beautiful and lovely as an amaranth; so Miss Darzon, may I kiss your hand?” Ugh. That’s so cheesy.


Yet it worked. Those simple sentences caused her to blush hard, possibly more than me, and I smirked and left her alone in the hallway.






I watched Rhen do her trials. She kept missing Lorad. Sad, really. I was already an apprentice sorcerer, and I mastered the spells my classes had to offer. That just goes to show that I’m a genius. And I have proof because I became an apprentice in a year! So hah! Nyahaha! Muahaha!


Hit. Slash. Slide. Slide thrust. Cut. Hack. Wobble. Slap. Slash. Attack. Defend. Slide thrust. Bread. Covey balm. Verge of death. Miraculous recovery. Weird attack. Almost verge of death. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Brrrrrrrrrrt. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust. Slide thrust.


Finally Rhen won. As I tried to wave the stink of the fart coming from someone standing next to me during the fight, I noticed her looking smug at me. Psh.








Rhen scowled. “What?”


“You’re an apprentice sword singer.”




“You’re gonna sing love songs to your weapons.”


“You have no idea what sword singers do and don’t do! I bet sorcerers just sit in front of fake crystal balls all day and demand cash from—”


I slapped my hand on Rhen’s mouth. Then I felt something wet on my fingers and snatched my hand back.


“You licked me!”


The purple-haired girl grinned and stuck her tongue out. “That’s what you get! Baby Lars!”


“You know, I could make that butt of yours fry to a crisp. Maybe I could eat it.”


Rhen grimaced. “Ew, Lars! You cannibal! Who would want to eat human butt?!”


I smirked. “Simple. Cannibals.”


“You’re so annoying! Why won’t you just leave me alone?” Rhen exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in frustration.


“Because,” I leaned closer, getting the idea again. I didn’t care if people were watching. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”


Rhen turned scarlet and I snickered. This is fun. Big Bad Rhen can’t even take a compliment.


“Your hair is such a lustrous lilac, as smooth and soft as silk from the finest silk weavers in Sedona. Your eyes are pools of cerulean, such ocean blue that anyone would be mesmerized in,” I continued while Rhen blushed more, frozen like a pillar while everyone else watched with interest.


“Lars! The Empress is calling you!” Headmaster Harald interrupted my fun. I turned to Rhen with a this-isn’t-over-until-your-head-blows-up look and followed him.


When I looked back, Rhen was being swarmed by students who were asking why the gorgeous and handsome Lars buttered up the star sword singer.






“I can’t believe that you, of all people, will be joining me,” Rhen huffed as she sliced a rat in two. We were training like crazy, in order for us to get stronger for the quest that lay ahead of us.


“I told you,” I snorted, “I can’t let Peta take all the glory. And you might hurt yourself. You’ll lose your porcelain perfection of the skin and it will look so not attractive.”


She glared at me while she gingerly removed the treasure from the rat’s corpse. “Who’s the one who stocks up on the covey balms?”


I hopped and stabbed a scurrying rat and stepped on another, killing them both with sickening crunches. Rhen cringed.


“Could you kill them quietly?!”


“It’s not like you’re not loud when you kill rats. You grunt like an ogre.”


“I don’t!”


“Do too.”


“I’m not a grunter!”


“Yes you are.”


“No I’m not!”


“Yes you are.”


“No I’m not!”


“No you’re not.”


“Yes I am!”


“No you’re not.”


“Yes I am!”


“No you’re not.”




I grinned at the purple-haired adolescent standing before me. Idiot.


“Okay then Rhen. I’m fine with you being a grunter.”


The girl looked confused for a second, then thoughtful the next, then suddenly angry. “You tricked me!”




“Did too!”




“Did too!”




Rhen had a gleam in her eye. “Did not!”


I raised an eyebrow. “That won’t work on me.”


“Ugh!” My companion stomped off in a huff.






Since there was a massive flood of new students, Rhen had offered Master Harald mine and her rooms and we’d just sleep at the inn in Veldarah. I, of course, protested, yet the peasant girl was too generous to let the new sorcerers and sword singers sleep at the inn when they were just novices.


We had to save our gold for equipment and other supplies, so we had to share a room that thankfully had two beds. I would never sleep on the floor.


A few hours after training found me at the market buying some food because the food at the inn is too bland and made Rhen and I have long dates with the bathroom. I saw some children playing and ogling at me. I think they were staring at my hair. Brats. They were like Rhen; the kinds of children who take in every little detail and scrutinize the strange little things. I hate those kinds of people.


I picked up a haunch and weighed it in my hands, estimating whether to get it or just eat bread again. The prices were outrageously high for such a small amount of food. Only bread was reasonably priced.


I spotted a ratty old woman waving an oar. Her image screamed ‘I am an old woman. Hear me roar.’


She was yelling about a boat for a large price of gold pennies. I shifted uncomfortably away from her. The old lady kept shifting her gaze in my direction. Only well-off people right now would be in the meat market buying delectable animal flesh.






“Melita, domi adsum!”


Rhen looked up from wiping her sword of the rat blood. “What’s that supposed to mean?”


“That’s for me to know and you to not find out,” I grinned gleefully. My companion frowned.


“Latin is a dead language, Lars. No one even cares about it anymore.”


I slapped on my face an expression of mock horror. “Dead language? You’re only saying that because you’re jealous that I know more than you!”


“Just shut up,” Rhen concentrated once more on ridding the blade of body fluid.


“Come on, you know you want to know what I mean,” I teased her. She didn’t react. I rolled my eyes and sat next to the apprentice sword singer.


I poked her. “Ouch.”


“Ask me.” I poked her again.


“No – ouch!”


“Ask me.”


“Lars, stop it – ow!”






I cruelly poked Rhen’s stomach hard. “Fine then! Just tell me, so that you’ll leave me alone!”


I simpered and meandered leisurely to the door. Then I opened it and went out. Then went back in.







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pretty nice update. cute. I liked Lars' compliments. They were suiting for a noble. one thing though:

"in order for us to get stringer for the quest that lay ahead of us." should be stronger. :P

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