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Eve_Chan

young vampire! part 2

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I look around and realized i did not fit in. I walked up the stairs and through the doors and I could tell it was going to be the worst day ever, everyone dressed so plainly and me, I stuck out like a sore thumb. I walked with my books in my arms and my head down, I was not paying attention and I bumped into someone. My books fell from my arms and everyone began to laugh, I quickly started to pick them up when another hand joined in and helped me. I got up and began walking to my locker, when someone stopped me, I turned around and saw a cute boy holding my books, he handed them to me and smiled, I took them without hesitating and walked off. He yelled “ I believe the proper word for that is Thank You”. I turned and looked at him and said “ Uh-Thank You”. He laughed and walked off disappearing into the crowd of people.

 

 

 

 

I smiled and walked into the office to get my schedule, the lady at the front desk looked at me and held back her laugh. She handed me my schedule, I took it and walked out, looking to see what my first class was. I saw that I had English, I walked into the class and everyone stared, I felt uncomfortable, I asked “ Is This English With Mr. Adamson”. He Answered “Yes and Your Late, Have a Seat Over There” he pointed to the 3rd seat in the back row. I walked over and sat down in my seat and listened to give the class a lecture about no cell phones in Class.

 

 

 

I AM CURRENTLY WRITING MORE AND WILL POST SOON.. HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY IT..TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK..

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You really should put it in paragraphs...it's easier to read as well as a good presentation.

also,wherever you are using a sole 'I' it should always be in caps.I don't think we use 'i' in writing.

but your story is good :)

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A couple of things:

Paragraphs! If you put everything in one big bunch, it makes it difficult to read. You don't want your poor readers to hurt their eyes, do you?

Capitals! You've got misplaced capitals. Single I's, as in me's, should always be a capital, as should the start of every sentence, of course. Other than that, too many capitals can also hurt the readers :-)

Other then that, you're doing great =]

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Remember to start a new paragraph whenever someone starts speaking. Don't randomly capitalize words that don't need to be. And use correct punctuation also when writing dialogue. It sounds cardboard.

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